#but yeah def inserting my own ace thoughts as well .... its a complicated process of figuring that part of yourself out

[a-libra-writes]

I absolutely love all of your Mordecai stories! Could you write one where reader is specifically male and how that would affect the relationship? Or a more general scenario where Mordecai makes a habit of fixing reader’s appearance for symmetry, definitely not because he wants an excuse to stand so close to them.

hhhhhh okay i had to prioritize this because i just. i have so much brainrot about this stupid hitman esp with a male partner in particular !!! This will be adjacent to the part 3 of Romantic HC's with him (and I included ur cute symmetry idea in that one instead!) I have a lot of thoughts..

First off, I HC him as gay ace, and that is what I tend to go off whenever I write him. These are my own thoughts and obvs yall can have something totally different! With that said...

He would be slightly more open and have an easier time getting to know a man, simply because of the socialization and gender expectations in the 20's. With women he's always been uneasy because of the unspoken, unknown "expectation" of interacting with them. (though if she wasn't ladylike at all and toted around a gun or dressed masc he'd probs feel otherwise, see him interacting fine with Serafine). Again, 1920's socializing acting as if women are an entirely different creature from men and should be treated as such. So, he'd be a little more accepting of touches and attention from a man because that's more familiar, but we're talking 10% more. Not a huge jump.

As stated in the previous HC's, this is still years of building trust between the two of you before he's willing to acknowledge any feelings. If you're openly gay or bi during this time, he's never been judgmental about it like some might be. Actually, Mordecai doesn't think about your potential love life in the slightest, at least until you two begin to get closer. Then suddenly he's thinking about it.

Attraction has never been something he's experienced, at least not in the way he's heard men talk about women (which, ew, that kind of talk is disgusting). But as you two become closer, he develops emotional and physical attraction toward you; both are confounding and frustrating. It's less sexual attraction and more a very intense physical admiration, even if that person doesn't have conventionally attractive features.

(Personally I think he'd be very attracted to either a very tall and muscular type - similar to Viktor - or a smaller, slender more "pretty" kind of guy. Two opposites on a spectrum, which he admires for different reasons.)

Regardless, it's awful, Mordecai has no idea why this is hitting him just now in his mid-fucking-20s after a whole adolescence of not seeing people that way. The physical admiration comes and goes, but the emotional attraction always hits him like a train when you're both together.

This is probably Totally Normal for close friends who are also comrades that murder people together. This is fine.

Note it's possible you have plenty of other admirers, which gives him even more agitated and conflicting feelings. If it's women fawning over you - even if you aren't interested - that's easy for Mordecai to deal with. Women have bothered him plenty of times, at least until they realize how cold and awkward he is and give up. He doesn't understand why you have to smile and flirt back, but, well, at least that doesn't upset them ....

Men flirting with you is a bit of a different story, especially if you've always been open and comfortable with your own sexuality. The women seem harmless, the men do not. You have this ease and freedom with them that Mordecai doesn't understand and somewhat envies. He can't brush off their attention as being "silly" like the women are; they don't just want to dance with you. It agitates him so much and he struggles to fully articulate why. Maybe a small voice in his head tells him that if he were more normal, maybe you might be just as attentive to him. That you have expressed your trust and affection to him, but he struggles in returning it, so it's no wonder you might seek it elsewhere.

In this time period, there's incredibly little understanding around the concept of asexuality (and even then, it's written as though it's a disease or mental failure). Mordecai has certainly never heard of such things, and he's never struggled with his lack of sexual attraction until his feelings began developing for you. This is why he becomes so jealous if you're free with your love and attention to others. Before you both were ever a real "thing" (but the feelings were very much there, hanging unspoken between you), Mordecai would start huge arguments about whoever you'd be sleeping around with. He hadn't cared for years, and now he does? Seriously, if you smell like another man Mordecai goes from 0 to 100 and barks at you to wash up. You point out that Viktor always smells like sawdust and oil but Mordecai doesn't shove him into the bathroom.

Viktor thinks whatever you two have going on with these spats is just weird. More than once he's yanked you both by the neck and tossed you out of the garage for being so noisy.

(Note if you're someone whose on a similar wavelength as Mordecai, or you simply don't enjoy sleeping around with strangers and prefer close connections, that jealousy simmers down considerably. No, these are not healthy reactions or feelings he has. He has never been a well-adjusted individual. )

Once you both are more of an established ""couple"" (if thats what this strange long-term pining and angsting and yearning that's finally become something of a real Thing can be called), Mordecai still wouldn't consider himself "like that". Not because of shame of being gay, but because he genuinely hasn't felt this way toward anyone, man or woman. You're his exception. He likes you.

All the drama aside... Because of the odd nature of you and Mordecai's relationship, plus his closed-off personality and the odd hours you two keep, no one actually suspects the relationship is romantic for a very long time. Mitzi and maybe Atlas have caught onto something, especially if you're open about your attraction to men, but they assume it's a one-sided crush on your part. Viktor is the only one who picks up that Mordecai might feel the same, and only because he's around you both so often and he sees the odd looks and lingering touches - and notably, how you two interact with him is very different with how you interact with each other. Not his business, but he'd protect you both in a heartbeat. Viktor never says it out loud, but he's aware of other associates or employees who may not be accepting of you two and could be a potential threat. He watches them very carefully.

(And related to that - Atlas doesn't think twice about taking you in and treats you with just as much respect as his other employees, which would be remarkable for a known gay man in the 20's. That's probably how he got you signed onto being a triggerman...)

And related to any threats, Mordecai will go fucking feral on anyone who tries to threaten or hurt you for your sexuality. It doesn't matter if you're playing it cool or ignoring them, he's already got his gun out. Viktor will join in too, but he at least asks if you want to kill them or "just" scare them shitless.

So, in closing ... Yes, the relationship would be a little more complicated with a masc person vs a femme because of the time period and the lack of vocabulary+understanding of Mordecai's own identity. A person whose experienced and very comfortable in their own skin would help him out a lot, whether they're asexual or allosexual, someone whose willing to just sit and talk these things out (even if sometimes he's mortified to even bring it up). If the person is just as questioning and confused, well, it might end up more chaotic, hah.

#I hope I explained myself okay #i tried to organize them but listen theres a reason i dont write out essays #but yeah def inserting my own ace thoughts as well .... its a complicated process of figuring that part of yourself out #esp if its happening in your fucking 20s like lmao. i feel u mordecai #mordecai heller x reader #lackadaisy x reader