#but yaaa dats abt it :>

[sleephearts]

aloe vera for the ask game!!

aaa my dearest jen !!! am sry 4 getting dis out l8...thnk u 4 indulging me (/▽＼)

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

i think dis may b odd but i wanna walk a dog ! ive literally only done it like... twice in my life?? but it was always w sum1 else bc i was small n da doggie was kinda big. i just wanna walk a dog by myself... this is coming from cat person that's trying 2 convince her mum 2 get a dog since she loves being active btw. idk i just wanna experience being out n abt w a pupper !!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ plant themed asks

#꒰➳ lovemail.ᐟ #ੈ♡ — games #i LUV seeing doggies on da street they r so cute....so many different shapes n sizes but all v gud dogs!!! #i think it wld make my mum less lonely bc she works from home + my dad is NOT at home a lot lmfao + i am in collge #but yaaa dats abt it :> #⊹₊ ⋆ games.ᐟ

[ohwhydanny]

any changes?

so far, ntah lah.

2018 daniel graduated in oct i think. guess what? aku tak boleh pergi, dia x bagi. pastu i dont have one picture with him pki jubah konvo. yes. siapa aku? gf? hahaaahahahaah at that time i am shit. 2 weeks dia dapat pegang jubah, not even sekejap pun aku dpt masa dgn dia. after a week lepas dia dah abis konvo n pulang jubah, i still couldnt properly sleep, eat like a pig.. so i wanted to tell him how i feel. and dia ckp aku x fhm sbb aku ungkit..dia tnya aku dah ready ke time tu nk jmpa parents dia? mmm okay.. look down on me kan... fine.. pastu dia kata sorry xde mood nak gaduh dengan syg weekend mcm ni. aku mcm haaaa..... aku xnk gaduh pun. aku just nk bgtau apa aku rasa. aku nak dia pujuk aku.. but yas, dats what i got. lepas dia text mcm tu, aku nanges sedu sedan abis. sakit dada aku wey. sampai skang klu teringat, sakit dada. mcm skang. it hurts. the best part is , we never talked abt it. and another best part, dia post insta story konvo dia demokrat x family. wow. hurts like crazy. mcm mana aku? well nisa, u dun contribute anything positif pun masa dia study. kau just the negative vibes yg dia x nak igt pon. so go die. 

apa lagi ek jd last year? mmm bday dia, makan seafood, pastu time anniversary dia eksiden so x sambut. birthday aku pergi mall mkn kyochon opkoz dinner je hahha. pastu ntah la. x igt sgt. yg pasti aku xde dah share pasal aku rasa depress all that shit. just keep it all inside. and just cried it out alone. easy peasy. 

oh i met his parents in dec. they were ok with me. everythings ok. 

2019. bday dia aku masuk emergency sbb suspek vasculitis. pastu dia dtg n spend the whole day. ptg dia balik opis. anniversary pergi tasik putrajaya main kayak. he said dia lgi suka pergi tmpat mcm ni dr mall. okayyyy. hint taken. sbb bfore i dont remember when. aku ajak tgk wyg cite one two jaga. n excited kan g mall, aku dress up la beli baju bru sluar baru, pki heels, makeup.. tp kasut cabut and dia belikan fipper but kaki aku melecet sbb jln laju. dia x heran pun kaki aku. dia still paksa aku ikut dia, tman dia hisap rokok bagai. padahal kaki aku dah melecet gila. wow. pastu dlm keta, i tried to show him, how bad my foot hurts, but yeah he said sorry, but kita tau lah bila dia meant it or not. he doesnt care pun. pastu bila kat tasik dia ckp mcm tu aku fhm la. so x yah ngada2 nk ajak g mall ke apa. dia pun g mall dgn kwn2 dia je. shopping pun x ajak aku dah. its fine. so yeah. no more asking him to go to the mall or even wyg. avengers end game dia da tgk dgn opismate dia. and dia text aku 5am masa dia nak balik. jom tgk avengers dgn abg. wow im super excited but still mcm sceptical sket. and yaaa... dah nak puasa dah. harini pun cuti labor day. but nope, dia xde dah mention pasal avengers tu. aku try bg hint but ye la, if he doesnt want to, what for nisa? xtau malu ek? 

bday aku dia bawa dinner dekat hotel. tu best sbb dia mcm pandang aku je.. and x abs2 ckp cantik. but in the back of my head, i feel disappointed. sbb ye la, he only likes that version of me. ye la, version lain x berseri. hohoho. 

mmm n now aku rasa makin teruk. almost every night terganggu tp aku x leh nk cite kt sape2. sbb benda ni benda bodoh. its like aku yg create masalah ni. so. ntah lah. penat nk nanges. rasa nk makan. takyah pikir pasal sedeh. bosan, penat. aku pretend je dekat daniel, aku ok. aku x tacing, aku x meminta masa dari dia, if he texts, i replied as soon as i can.. if he calls, i picked it up as soon as i can.. if he want to meet, i free my time for him.. but what if, if i wanted to? i cant do that, can i? i cant be asking him to do the same.. i believe dia yg kena ada rasa tu sendri. no point if i ask him to. cuz then its not genuine anymore. so i just accepted everything. sometimes rasa nak lari. go far away, n never come back. let him start new. meet somebody as great or greater than him. someone yg understand him more, and can love him more... and care for him more. someone independent, beautiful in his eyes, someone yg berseri always.. even without makeup. someone yg enjoy benda yg daniel enjoy, yg fhm and boleh blend in dgn social life daniel. things i cant but she can... 

if i can turn back time, i wouldnt like his comment on fb. my only wish.. pls come true. i want him to be happy.