#but when my friend died my mum went well he overdosed so 🙄 (he didnt and it wouldnt have mattered even if he did)

[violentdevotion]

when i was 18 my friend died and no one in my family cared. literally everytime id express grief id be told that he wasn't muslim so i shouldn't care or that to die so young he must've been doing something and therefore he must've deserved it and i just accepted that my family isn't that good at handling someones grief. then when i was 19 my older brothers friend died and i was explicitly told by my mum to not say anything to him because he was grieving and i got angry and resentful that the same wasn't extended for me and then id get mad at myself for being so resentful. last week the guy that bullied me in highschool and kickstarted my eating disorder died and ive had to hear everyone talk about what a tragedy it is and i KNOW its awful to be mad at him for how everyone's reacting to his death but im more mad that they were all always capable of this empathy and no one extended it to me when i needed it. but they will now when someone who strangled me unprompted died.

#ameera speaks #this is so bad to say and ill probably delete later but im just so fucking angry about this #all of the time #the local newspaper article about my friend has comments of peoppe saying well he must've been doing smth dogdy #and the article about the person who WAS doing something dodgy are comments about how sad it is #and this isnt to say either person deserved to live or die #or that participating in 'bad' things means you deserve to die #im just angry that theyre rewriting history. ill say yeah one time he ____ and get told im talking ill of the dead #but when my friend died my mum went well he overdosed so 🙄 (he didnt and it wouldnt have mattered even if he did) #idk its whatever idec #25th