#but what I will miss though are the nice clean scans and occasionally remastered artwork

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 118: The One Who Caused All Might’s End

Previously on BnHA: KACCHAN AND DEKU!!!!!!! ALONE! AT NIGHT!! KACCHAN WAS ALL “I KNOW ALL MIGHT GAVE YOU HIS QUIRK” AND DEKU WAS ALL “YEAH, WELL!... SO WHAT!” AND KACCHAN WAS ALL “WELL DUH THAT MEANS I WANT TO FIGHT YOU BECAUSE ALL MIGHT’S REALLY GREAT, SO IF HE GAVE YOU HIS POWER THEN YOU MUST BE REALLY GREAT TOO AND MAYBE I WAS WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME, SO LET’S FIGHT” AND I ALL BUT FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR. AND THEN KACCHAN DOVE AT HIM AND JUST PLOPPED HIM WITH A BIG OL’ RIGHT HOOK SAME AS ALWAYS AND DEKU TOTALLY FELL FOR IT AND KACCHAN WAS LIKE “LOL” AND THEN HE WAS LIKE “BRING IT” AND ALL OF A SUDDEN ALL MIGHT’S FACE WAS THERE AND WOW!!! BNHA, GUYS!!! IT’S A GOOD MANGA I LIKE IT A LOT!!!!!

(ETA: just a reminder that I write the “previously on” things immediately after I first read the chapter while it’s still fresh in my mind. I'd say this particular one captured my emotional state at the time pretty well.)

Today on BnHA: Aizawa’s ponytail makes its debut and it’s everything I could have ever hoped for. Also he gets a call from U.A.’s robot security about his two problem children having a fight on Ground Beta after curfew. But before he can head out to stop them, ~A MYSTERIOUS SHADOW~ greets him outside and who could that be, I wonder. Back at Ground Beta, Deku tries to talk Kacchan down and avoids his attacks while Kacchan grows increasingly desperate. Finally he breaks down completely and fucking screams at Deku to fight him, and reveals that he blames himself for being the reason All Might retired, and that he can’t stop thinking about it, and he doesn’t know what to do. So basically he’s a mess, and there are feels strewn about all over the damn place, and Deku -- who never could turn his back on someone who needs saving -- realizes that he has to fight back, because right now he’s the only person who can help.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 151 now, so any ETAs will reflect that. I’m not gonna make any progress this week; I’m too busy writing Kacchan essays and waiting for the holidays to wind down lol.)

“A Meaningless Fight” not to me it’s not

lol the security camera caught them putzing around after hours. and identified their homeroom teacher and notified him

DALSHFKALSDFKSLHKDL THE PONYTAIL!!!!!!????

THIS MUST BE WHERE THE ANIME WAS AT WHEN I FIRST STARTED READING. NO WONDER TUMBLR WAS AWASH WITH BAKUDEKU FEELS AND AIZAWA PONYTAIL SPAM. THIS IS AMAZING I LOVE LIFE

(ETA: yeah so this episode aired on September 15th, right when I was in the middle of reading the Sports Festival arc and the series was slowly beginning to take over my life. there were indeed a ton of gifs and reaction posts floating around, and I’m pretty sure this was right about when I realized it was time to block the “bnha spoilers” tag until I was fully caught up.)

now Aizawa’s stepping outside, but someone’s out there already. IS IT ALL MIGHT AND HE’S GONNA BE ALL “DON’T WORRY I GOT THIS”?

(ETA: it is indeed, and this means that All Might already knew the boys were fighting even before Aizawa did, even though Aizawa was the one who got the security alert. I’m only half-joking about him having some kind of tracking device implanted on Deku. it’s either that, or just some crazy good dad instincts. either way, one can’t help but be impressed.)

whoever it is, Aizawa seems surprised to see them

boy and I thought the last chapter was good. but barely two pages into this one and we’ve not only got Aizawa’s sexy ponytail, but also

(ETA: the smoke really adds to the effect here. does so throughout the whole chapter, in fact. Kacchan has such a cinematic quirk)

I stan one (1) amazing and incredible manga series

Deku’s asking again do they really have to fight. he clearly would rather talk it out instead. because like, apparently that’s suddenly an option that’s on the table after all this time?? KACCHAN IS CAPABLE OF TALKING ABOUT HIS FEELINGS, WHO EVEN KNEW?

Kacchan’s impatiently doing that explodey hand thing, but Deku’s gonna try and talk this one out anyway

but Kacchan’s attacking again

aahhhhhhhh META PART TWO!!!

somehow they look even younger in these flashbacks?? like this Deku cannot fucking be older than two. how do they even remember all this??

he’s screaming at Deku to fight him back and not just run away

more flashbackssssss

(ETA: oh hello is it time for more essaying. let’s say yes.

Kacchan’s feelings about Deku are so complicated. much more so than Deku’s own comparatively simple if contradicting feelings. clearly they got along well enough when they were little. but then Kacchan fell off that log and Deku tried to help him and Kacchan was like “WHAT! EVEN THOUGH I WAS CLEARLY FINE! HOW DARE” and that was that.

so we know from the chapter coming up after this one that Katsuki somehow got it in his head that Izuku was looking down on him. mostly this seems to stem from a genuine misunderstanding of Deku’s desire to help. Katsuki has always been very independent and likes to do things for himself. this is part of what he associates with being “strong”, and it’s clearly something he was already being admired and praised for even at a young age, so that no doubt further reinforced things in his mind. now add to this the fact that most four-year-olds are still learning and developing when it comes to empathy. so it genuinely might not have crossed Katsuki’s mind that not everyone feels the same way as he does when it comes to wanting and accepting help. put this all together, and we end up with Kacchan misinterpreting Izuku’s well-meaning gesture, and feeling insulted and patronized, and the two of them have their falling out.

and yet Izuku keeps following him.

even after Kacchan starts insulting him and beating him up. he’s still there, always, following him around like a shadow. and so Katsuki gets even meaner. at some point Izuku has to get the message, right?? but apparently not.

and so it keeps escalating. Katsuki gets worse and worse. but even though Izuku is now afraid of him, he still can’t help being drawn to him. meanwhile Katsuki can’t fucking understand why Deku won’t fucking quit no matter how horrible Katsuki is to him. so he once again takes it as Izuku being condescending. this is Izuku’s way of challenging him. showing that it doesn’t matter what Katsuki does, because Izuku will still always be better than him.

but here’s the thing. that idea of Izuku thinking he’s better than Katsuki -- that couldn’t have just come out of nowhere like that. if he really did believe Izuku was just a quirkless good-for-nothing weakling, it wouldn’t have bothered him that much. that kind of anger doesn’t just come out of left field, and it certainly couldn’t have sustained itself for that long unless there was something deeper fueling it. that something being fear. in other words, Katsuki hated Izuku because deep down he was afraid that somehow Izuku really would surpass him. because he knew from the start that there was something about him, something he didn’t understand, which made it all the more frightening. that something being Izuku’s heart; his spirit; his will to protect others. his Main Character Energy, which radiates out from him at strange times, and takes over in those instances where “my body just moved before I could think.” it’s what made All Might choose him as his successor. we’ve all seen it. y’all know what I’m talking about.

and even though Katsuki doesn’t understand it, some part of him can still feel it all the same. but where Izuku is drawn to Katsuki’s own strength, Katsuki is intimidated by Izuku’s. very likely in part because of his zero-sum mentality. if he acknowledges Izuku’s strength, it’s the same as acknowledging his own weakness. Izuku has something he lacks, and he knows it, and he’s somehow smug about it. he thinks he’s better than him! but fuck that, because Katsuki’s the one who’s going to be number one! right?? but there’s that nagging fear that maybe, just maybe, that isn’t true. and so he gets worse and worse, and tries to get Izuku to stop trailing behind him, tries to shake him off. but it doesn’t work. and so the cycle continues on and on.

and then UA. and all of a sudden, Izuku has a quirk. and is suddenly growing at a prodigious rate. and Katsuki’s growing too, but not as fast. and this is it. this is everything he was afraid of. and every time he hits a setback, and every time Izuku has another victory, those doubts start to gnaw at him more and more. until finally, Kamino.

but we’ll get to that in a minute. to be continued.)

he’s remembering the consoling speeches All Might gave him in chapters 11 and 62. why yes I have Kacchan’s angst chapters memorized. what, doesn’t everyone

omg

-- HE’S COMING AT DEKU WITH A KICK

HE’S NEVER FUCKING DONE THAT BEFORE. HE DOESN’T FIGHT WITH KICKS CUZ HIS FEET DON’T FUCKING EXPLODE DUH. BUT HE’S KICKING DEKU THOUGH, AND WHY?? COULD IT BE BECAUSE DEKU FIGHTS WITH KICKS NOW. OR MAYBE HE JUST FUCKING FELT LIKE KICKING HIM I DUNNO!

LOOK AT THIS!!!

WHAT A CLEAN AND COHERENT FUCKING ACTION PAGE AND I LOVE IT!! DEKU PULLING SOME CAPOEIRA SHIT

NOW KACCHAN’S STUMBLING BACK, AND HE’S STILL THINKING “WHY”

and he’s just lying there now and isn’t getting back up

give me angst. should I go make some popcorn. I want angst now. give it

DEKU IS EXTENDING HIS ARM AGAIN

lol remember back when he was being calm about this. or pretending to be calm

he’s fucking SCREAMING at Deku to fight him. “WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!”

and he keeps asking “why”

oh my god it’s what I thought. it’s exactly what I thought isn’t it. isn’t it. it is. isn’t it

(ETA: I’ve written so many essays about these two that I kind of lost track, but I think this is referring to the one I wrote as an ETA for chapter 42 here, about why Katsuki couldn’t stand it when Deku offered him help when they were four. but little did I know that Kacchan was actually about to shift to another subject entirely!)

tissues should I get some tissues. I’ll go get

oh shit you guys. lol. :’D

hahaha. okay wow

just. give me a moment to process

like. so this whole time, he looked down on Deku, but actually Deku is doing everything right, and now he’s the one who keeps fucking up. and now apparently he blames himself!? for what happened to All Might??! so on top of his weird complex with Deku, now there’s guilt there also, and for something that was absolutely not his fault. oh shit

oh my god. angst baby. angst for days angst for weeks lifetime supply yessss

tell me more about your guilt Kacchan. let it out honey

(ETA: shout out here to Okamoto Nobuhiko, Bakugou’s Japanese VA. I assume everyone reading this has watched this episode in the anime, but if not, do yourself a favor and go check that out, because all of the emotions from the manga are cranked up to 11 and it’s amazing. and Bakugou’s VA in particular does an incredible job of capturing the turbulence in his emotions. his voice wavers and cracks and vacillates between angry and confused and frustrated, and he sounds every inch like a 16-year-old boy who’s just overwhelmed and fighting back tears and trying to keep himself together. he just totally sells it, and it’s easily one of the best vocal performances I’ve ever heard in an anime.)

holy. just, this is even more than I ever dared to hope speculate, honestly. as horrible as Deku felt about it, Kacchan was completely fucked up by it too. not only is he dealing with the reality of a world without All Might just like everyone else is, he’s also been struggling the entire time with the weight of the thought that it was him. his fault

(ETA: hello I’m back.

so! Kamino. Kacchan gets kidnapped. somehow he’s singled out from among all the possible targets the villains could have had, and they think they can turn him to their side. and even the media is talking about how ~unstable~ he is and maybe he really will do it. he doesn’t, of course. and he talks big and he keeps his cool and he does his best to fight back. but it’s tense. and maybe a lot scarier and more dangerous than he cares to acknowledge at any point.

but then All Might shows up. All Might, his childhood hero, the man he looks up to more than anyone. All Might saves him. and things do get pretty dicey for a bit. for a few seconds he actually ends up back in the villains’ clutches, or very nearly at any rate. but then All Might is there again, and then somehow Deku and Kirishima and the others show up too, and they help him escape he goes along with their escape plan even though he totally had it under control, so that he doesn’t get in All Might’s way. and that’s it. he’s safe again. all is well.

except that it very much is not. because all of a sudden All Might is struggling. and then suddenly he’s different. all of a sudden he’s transformed into this scraggly-looking skeletal figure right before their eyes. and just like that, everything changes.

and in the end All Might still wins, in spite of everything, because it’s All Might. but something is still terribly wrong. and then all of a sudden All Might is pointing at Deku, and “you’re next,” and the pieces finally click into place. Deku has All Might’s power. All Might gave Deku his quirk. All Might himself recognized Deku as someone worthy enough, strong enough, to receive that power. here Katsuki is, getting recruited by fucking villains, and meanwhile Deku is being acknowledged by the hero they both admire.

there are some very obvious implications here. clearly one of them is doing something right. and the other one is very plainly not. it’s possible, even, that this is something Katsuki has suspected in the back of his mind for a while now, even before all of this. something he was in denial about, but was secretly becoming more and more certain of.

and then All Might retires.

that fight against All for One -- the fight that only happened because All Might had to rescue him -- ends up being his last stand. all of a sudden he’s out of commission, his power spent. all of a sudden the unthinkable has happened. all of a sudden there is no more Symbol of Peace.

and all of that. is. Katsuki’s. fault.

“if I’d only been stronger...” “if I hadn’t gotten captured...”

so he starts having thoughts like this. but then the thing is that he can’t tell anyone. because no one else is supposed to know about All Might giving his power to Izuku. so they wouldn’t know that All Might was already weakened going into that battle with All for One. that he was weakened, but went into battle anyway in order to rescue him. and in doing so ended up using up the last of his power. because of him. he fucked everything up.

and imagine if they did know. what would they even think? the world is in chaos now and it’s all his fault. villains are running amok, society is in upheaval, and everyone is feeling the stress. All Might’s walking around all bandaged up with his fucking arm in a cast because you know, it’s nice to have that visual reminder too of just how close he came to actually losing and fucking dying instead of just retiring. and he still won’t acknowledge the connection he has to Deku, though. so clearly he’s still trying to keep it a secret, and so Katsuki shouldn’t bother him about it. so he tries to just move on, because what else can he do.

but he can’t stop thinking about it. the thoughts keep surfacing no matter what he does. he can’t relax, he can’t escape them. and the thing is that he’s very obviously distressed by all this, because here he is now fucking breaking down in front of Deku of all people. showing weakness; fucking crying in front of Deku, because that’s how bad it is. bad enough that he wasn’t able to keep holding it in. bad enough that he had to confess it to him, because he was the only one he could talk to about this, because Deku is the only other one who knows. and you can see the pain in his expression and in his body language, and hear it in his voice -- and once again, props to Okamoto for that, because damn -- enough so that I don’t really need to keep breaking it down. it speaks for itself. when your guilt is hurting you so badly that you start spilling your guts even though you cherish your pride above everything else, and even though you fucking despise the person you’re spilling your guts to, that means it’s bad, guys. it’s really fucking bad.

tl;dr Kacchan is not okay. hell, that could have been the title of the fucking chapter. or this whole fucking mini-arc. my boy needs hugs. but in the absence of hugs, sincere rival beatdowns and heart-to-hearts will also suffice.)

Deku is making the same face he made when he learned about Todoroki’s past

and now, after having a moment to process it, he’s responding in the same way that he did with Todoroki

oh shit dude

like, I know Kacchan likes when people take fights seriously but damn. why did I fucking laugh

yessss heal his wounded heart Deku. by fighting him. help him feel like he’s not just a useless bum who’s somehow been going backwards and making things worse

EMBRACING THOSE FEELINGS HEAD ONNNNNNNNNN YESSSSS

I can’t believe it’s the end of the fucking chapter again! and that I get to click to the next chapter right away! binge reading is the best you guys omg

  there isn’t a bonus because this was the end of the volume! too bad, we’ll just have to make do with this being the greatest chapter of all time. poor us

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 118 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #aizawa shouta #bakudeku #bnha meta #essay #makeste reads bnha #incidentally this is the last chapter for which I was able to find viz scans online #after this it's fan translations only #I can't say I'm going to miss viz's translations too much #although there are still times when they're the most accurate of the bunch #but what I will miss though are the nice clean scans and occasionally remastered artwork #ah well #what can you do