#but then i deleted almost 300 useless words while revising and i was irritated bc even w intro that's 400 words short and ughhh so lmao

[sugarskies]

The Deca S1E1: Pilot || Recorded Changes

Rephrased sentences throughout the chapter.

Rewrote the majority of select passages.

Changed instances of passive voice to active.

Modified conversation regarding Lungin.

Corrected typos.

Changed “pills” to “food bars” for accuracy.

Added dialogue for Magnus and Mortimus.

Added further Rallennia thoughts.

Added "steal the lunch lady" line, etc.

Added dialogue for Mortimus and Millennia.

Final Word Count: +5

for those wondering why i'm revising i also want to quickly share this beautifully ironic highlight from the original version of the chapter:

He lowered his head closer to the paper, re-reading his work to make sure that he hadn’t made any stupid mistakes. “To be fair, you did just randomly start taking while I was working.”

me in 2018 really wrote "don't make any stupid mistakes" and immediately proceeded to make and publish a stupid mistake

#deca fic revision #i will NOT be adding much across the board for other chapters lol #this one just bugged me bc it didnt hit 10k!! and that WAS ok bc i always counted the intro as part of the first chapter's word count #but then i deleted almost 300 useless words while revising and i was irritated bc even w intro that's 400 words short and ughhh so lmao #lil bit of extra dialogue sprinkled in there where i had ideas :P #for example i just thought of the steal the lunch lady line and i can't believe i missed it before so i had to add it sorry not sorry lol