#but otherwise im literally just trying to be helpful. even if it is snappy and said pettily sometimes 💁

[snekdood]

i just feel like if you cant debate someone w/o insulting them then you're kinda just using it as an outlet for all of your asshole-ness

#you shouldnt have assholeness inside you anyways but. if you do you probably grew up thinking its just like. socially normal #instead of idk. trying to get along?? theres no reason you gotta insult ppl esp for things they cant change #it also makes you look lazy in the way u argue #yes yes ik i call ppl dipshits a lot but to me its more of a 'im worried about u/ur wellbeing/ppl around u for u not knowing better' #rather than a: #'hah u idiot loser ur so dumb and im so so much smarter and cooler and faster than you heh' kinda thing that some ppl do 😒😒😒 #ig that can be a bit patronizing but id prefer that over someone whos just an immature full-of-themselves asshole tbh #not tryna say its ok bc ppl dont necessarily know i mean it in that way when i say it but yeah. i dont think im the worst about this ill sa #that much and thats not the reason im posting about it. a looooooot of yall on here are waaaaaaaaay worse about it lmao. #i think we should all try to stop doing it. and that doesnt mean me trying harder than yall if anything yall need to try harder than me #oh and uh me telling you What It Is isnt the same as me insulting you. btw. at worst its patronizing when you Do know better #but otherwise im literally just trying to be helpful. even if it is snappy and said pettily sometimes 💁 #at least i can rest easy knowing i tried being helpful rather than feeling like a self-proclaimed 'morally superior' egotistical jackass #💁💁💁💁💁 #i dont know better! i know what i know and i work off of what i know and help people from where i come from and my own experience #i dont claim to know everything i dont stand on this rock claiming to conquer all that is to be known about it like some of yall do #i dont get on my high horse trying to preach to people abt How They Should Be Or Else They're Irredeemable (And Also I'm Perfect btw) #and if i ever do its for the least serious thing possible and im probably fuckin joking #and ig rn i am kinda doing a 'i do this better than you' thing but again its a #'i do this better than you. you should be able to do it as well as i do too or better. challenge urself to be better' thing rather #than 'haha look at me im so much smarter than you and better than you and more deserving! everybody praise me!!!' thing

[spelviin]

so joey had his vet appointment today

turns out, he is arthritic and was in fact in pain, but otherwise in very good health for a 15-year-old dwarf rabbit, so they were able to prescribe some anti-inflammatories to manage his pain (which i am v nervous abt having to give him bc syringing v expensive medication into the mouth of an upturned prey animal does not exactly sound like the easiest thing in the world but i will do it if it helps him in the long run) 

on the not-so-great side of things, my fucking sister decided to also attend the appointment and everything went to shit when she turned up (the rest of this is just gonna be me ranting abt her so feel free to just skip)

so she turns up shortly after we gave joey to the receptionist. it was a phone appointment so my mom and i were waiting outside for the vet to call and she arrives and fucking storms up to us clealy looking for a fight, immediately starts getting all passive-agressive about “why do we even need to bring him to the vet he’s fine,” to which i was just like, it’s been 2 years since his last checkup, things change, he’s displaying signs of being in pain, etc. 

and then the vet calls, and i’m describing his behaviours and everything i’m worried about, and my fucking sister keeps making comments on the sideline like “yeah he’s been doing that for a long time!” but anyways i finished up with the call and the vet went to check him out, and then my sister starts getting snappy with me because him limping everywhere and constantly grinding his teeth is “totally normal behaviour and i’m stressing him out for no reason for putting him through the car trip to the vet” 

and i’m fucking trying to explain to her that a) those behaviours are red flags for pain, b) even if he was deemed ok when she took him to the vet 2 years ago, THINGS FUCKING CHANGE esp at his age and it’s our responsibility to do our due diligence if we suspect something is wrong, and c) i did in fact feel bad about putting him through a car ride, but i’d rather do that and make sure he’s comfortable the rest of the time than risk him living in pain bc we don’t want to temporarily stress him out. 

and she’s getting more and more pissed off until she’s literally shouting at me and my mom (but mostly me bc my mom didnt want to deal with the argument) right in front of this clinic and making a fucking spectacle, i’m fucking shaking bc i don’t handle conflict well, she’s telling me i’m hysterical and overreactive about his health bc i, idk, pay any fucking attention to it???? and so then i snapped at her and said if this is the way she reacts to this situation, i feel fucking sorry for any future pet she has. which, i admit, was mean and unnecessary, and i apologized for literally a minute later. but she’s already taken that excuse to act like the victim and fucking ran with it, and decided to make the conversation about that instead of, y’know, the elderly rabbit’s health that she supposedly cares so much about 

anyways eventually she just fucking stormed off and went home without even waiting to hear from the vet, told me she didnt want to talk to me or our mom for “a long, long time” (which honestly, no fucking skin off my back, but i do feel bad for my mom with mother’s day coming up) and was already complaining to her roommate about how her mean little sister called her an irresponsible pet owner for being, idk, a fucking irrespobsible pet owner?????? but anyways

i got joey home and he’s fine and i haven’t given him his meds yet bc my hands are still shaking from getting yelled at but im also just generally a fucking wreck bc like. even tho i was right and i did the right thing for joey and got him the pain meds he needed i still feel like shit for saying that to my sister. and that also makes me mad that i feel like shit bc she’s allowed to steal money from me, out me to our mom, intentially blow up at me and humiliate me in front of family and friends several times over the course of the years, and i think i’ve only gotten a handful of apologies AT BEST out of her, and just been expected to give up and move on with my life. 

but i say something admittedly mean and shitty and IMMEDIATELY and sincerely apologize after YEARS of bending over backwards to support her and swallowing my own feelings abt how she treated me, and i’m left feeling like the asshole. i just. i’m so fucking tired of her shit. 

#og #--long post #--personal