#but nah she’s gonna deteriorate in the fucking ICU and then what???

[lavender-femme]

can’t do this shit anymore

#been operating on a queue for the most part bc mentally i just can’t be here rn #but found out a couple days ago my mom is in the hospital again with pneumonia #and just got a text saying she’s being moved to ICU with bacteria in her blood and RSV in her lungs #here I was thinking she’d die during this stupid ass surgery they keep rescheduling even though she’s not well enough for it #but nah she’s gonna deteriorate in the fucking ICU and then what??? #die??? #and I guess my aunt and uncle aren’t even in fucking town with her??? they’re in Michigan?? #so my gross awful terrible aunt is the only one with her #and I can’t fucking afford to go down to texas #so I just get to sit here spiralling about it all l #like I just can’t fucking escape this #like clockwork #i start feeling better about SOMETHING in my life and then BAM #my mom’s in the hospital. ​i get broken up with. she doesn’t want to move back here. she’s in the hospital again. she’s having life risking #surgery or wait no she’s not because she has covid for the second time in months. surgery is rescheduled oh wait no it’s not bc she’s in #the hospital with an infection. oh wait now she’s in the icu #can’t fucking win can we?? #I’m just so so tired #i don’t want to do this anymore #i’m talking