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in-defense-of-loki · 3 years

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Ranting, Feel Free to Ignore

So I’ve read this essay by a Tumblr user on Antis and their use of the term paedophilia, and... I don’t think it tackles the real issue at all. Because the person who wrote it says they’ve found 4 categories that the Antis typically fit in... only none of them do I actually fully agree with. None of the 4, and while I would be considered an Anti by this person (since I post in anti tags and proclaim to be anti-certain-ships), I’m also not special in my thinking. Worse, I see shippers of problematic ships praising the essay, using it to validate themselves and their arguments against antis. So this essay now feels more like an attack on people who are trying to fend off any notion that paedophilia is acceptable rather than solve any actual issue.

The essay itself goes into how antis on Tumblr have blurred the definition of paedophilia by defining it in various ways in accordance with their own views. To the point professionals have a hard time giving the term any identifiers. As someone who studies psychology for a hobby, I feel like there are identifiers. Sure, there is a sense of morality that goes into it, but since I also study upon BDSM culture, I could safely say that the identifiers should be if both parties can accurately, completely, and safely consent AND if there isn’t a power imbalance between the two. There are no doubt other factors that tie into it, but I believe these two are important and must go hand in hand, specifically. Because you can have power imbalance between two adults: I just watched a documentary about how a woman killed her husband, and one of the problems that arose was his use of control over her since he was the heir of a huge company and she came from a poor background. The consent issue can also happen between two adults, sure, a person drunk and passed out on a couch cannot consent. That’s why these two things must go hand in hand in defining what is and isn’t pedophilia. That’s also how you can have two kids who grew up with each other and fall in love NOT be defined pedophilia. Because apparently that was also an issue.

They mentioned these categories encompass a number of different arguments that are incongruent with the clinical definition of the term, which defines “pedophilia” as sexual interest in pre-pubescent children by someone who is post-pubescent. Another problem arises when the essay fully admits that the data was collected over two weeks.....but only collected 21 posts?? Just 21? I’m pretty sure you can get more than that on Tumblr, so that already points out a very shallow study pool, which has debunked studies before... Should I digress?

The four categories were as follows:

Legality: This is straight forward, the term is based on lawful definition. In the state I live in, age of consent is 16. In Japan, age of consent is largely thought of as 13, but in prefectures it is actually 16-18. In Tokyo, for example, the age must be 18. But these are just age of consent, the age of being considered an adult is different. And that is the age most use, like in the States it is 18. But the essay uses this post quote: “a fifteen year old having sex with anyone is pedophilia. That’s not even an argument, it’s the law...” Well yes, I would see a problem with that definition as this carries a purity culture connotation and doesn’t define the partner’s age. What if it was a 15 and another 15 year old? Another is: “It’s p*dophilia. [Character] is 17, a teenager, and [Character] is 18, an adult.” I’ve seen relationships that span 5 years come to the hurdle of one aging into adulthood before the other, and forced to wait the length of time before the other finally turns 18. It sucks, sure, but it is not pedophilia. I cannot count myself in this category as, while I believe the law is important and has purpose, I disagree with both examples.

More than those examples is the third one, which I have a problem with the framing the author uses. The example is: “If you are under 18 and I have followed you, please feel free to ask me to unfollow...” And proceeds to say it was tagged with antimap. This... I don’t see a problem with. The author frames it as the possibility that the quoted user thinks any interaction between an adult and minor is pedophilic and it doesn’t? Unless the user specifically states that, no it doesn’t. The user is trying to make others aware that they respect boundaries, that they do not wish for their actions to make others uncomfortable because they understand there is an issue with pedophilia even if it’s not something they actively engage in. They want underaged users to feel like they can create their own safe space and not feel like it’s being invaded. Setting boundaries is a good thing and does not always implicate a negative narrative. If any implication is to be had, it should be that victims of pedophilia may be sensitive to certain interactions with adults even if there isn’t the threat of actual predatorial behavior and should be allowed to voice their concerns.

Psychological Readiness: This is the power imbalance one, usually characterized by an age gap, with underlying belief that predatory reason are the only explanation for an older partner having romantic/sexual relations with someone much younger. And that’s it. Apparently people believe that if someone is 25 and their partner is 40, it counts as pedo? The power imbalance isn’t actually defined by an age gap, I can’t think of any that would be. A 25 year old and a 14 year old is a power imbalance because of experience, resources, and an ability for manipulation on one side because of the lack of the former mentioned and development on the other. Not because they’re 11 years apart. The years can affect the experience and resources, however. So while, yes, I would use the power imbalance issue, it’s not defined as the author has come to find it is on Tumblr. So this one I cannot categorize myself in, either, because age gap doesn’t bother me. My ex was 5 years older than me. Maturity is an issue between a minor and an adult, but not really between two minors or two adults? Then again, maturity can be subjective because I have found myself in positions where I am more mature than others older than me. A used quote: “behavior preying upon the youth/innocence/inexperience of another person” is more broad than pedophilia and is more classified as “predatorial behavior” which can be found in pedophilia but is not exclusive to. They then say the Psychological Readiness Definition is: a predatory older character and a younger, more inexperienced partner who is perceived as mentally and emotionally vulnerable. Yes, you can apply that to pedophilia, but again, it’s not limited to. It’s about the intent and actions of the older person/character as well.

Perception of Youth: This views pedophilia as an attraction to characters who look or act in an innocent or child-like manner, regardless of their actual age. Underlying belief is that it is an attraction to the traits of youth rather than youth itself. This one is possibly harder to pin down, as there is a problem with predators using it as a gateway or even an excuse to cover up their more sinister intents. I should know, I’m in my late 20s and I look like I’m still in high school. Last year, when I went to visit my oma in the hospital, the nurses didn’t think I was old enough to be there, as apparently 16 was the minimum age requirement. This is not a brag, this has actually negatively impacted my life. I get targeted by creeps in abundance, unfortunately. And it is hereditary, my mother was mistaken to be my older sister when I WAS in high school. Because of my experience, this is harder to use to define pedophilia despite pedophiles using it in nefarious ways. Especially since there is a whole kink surrounding the look/act young thing, they’re called “littles” in a certain community. But it is different, as that community fully focuses on consent being the basest, fundamental rule above else. Lolicon is also used as a gateway into perverse behavior towards inappropriate receivers, even if it did start out as just a fashion. I believe this more points out the blurred lines because of all the varying subjects. Like myself. I don’t act young, but I sure as hell look like jailbait. I can’t even properly explore the aromantic aspect of myself because of my baby-face. But I did read one of my favorite Webtoons called Empress Remarried in which an adult woman DOES act like she’s immature to be cutesy and perceived as innocent. So this... this is harder to use as a basis for pedophilia, and this is also where most of people’s morality comes into question and where opinions of individuals tend to define pedophilia for oneself rather than as an official term. I cannot be categorized into this one.

Canonical Stasis: this one attempts to dictate appropriate and inappropriate ways to interact with canon in fandom by citing the canon materials as the defining material. Okay, don’t really see an issue yet. The Canonical Stasis Definition argues that aging up characters in fandom beyond their canon ages and shipping them is pedophilia. Whoa, that’s...not what I understood your first sentence to be, but okay. Let’s dissect it. Most anti posts I read about how canonical ages are used inappropriately is when the timeline DOESN’T actually age them up properly. Looking at you HnY... I’ve heard plenty of SessRin shippers writing fanfiction in which their ages are adjusted appropriately, and sometimes it’s even an AU where they didn’t meet when she was a child. I was never bothered by them. But Yashahime? Their timeline puts Rin at 14 when pregnant, and 15 when giving birth, despite the original series putting Rin’s age at 7/8 and Sesshomaru at 19 human years. So that makes him 24/25 when he had sexual relations with her. This is not Rin being aged up appropriately, and I’ve seen SessRin shippers actually upset with the Yashahime portrayal. And I don’t blame them. Of course, there are much louder (and much more) SessRin shippers that want to beat down any disagreement with how Yashahime portrayed their OTP, and THAT’S where I have the problem. Because Yashahime created the problem. So I cannot be categorized into this one.

Reading the examples the author uses makes it clear to me that again, this is something that is defined by individual opinion or morality rather than actual pedophilia definition. Because the examples are “if you age up a character just to put them in a sexual position, then you just wanted to depict a nsfw imagery of a minor.” Which, in the case of Yashahime stans, I can definitely see, because Rin IS still a minor depicted to have sexual relations with an adult. But for someone who actually aged up the characters? That’s a little more dubious. And it’s dubious because sure, there could absolutely be predators who do that, and just get away with it by saying “oh, they’re older actually.” But there are people who fell in love with the characters, wanting to see them grow and explore new sides of themselves, sexuality being one of them, and that’s being lumped in with actual problematic behavior. Again, it boils down to intent.

The essay does go on to talk about a fifth undefined definition which talks about what I mentioned before: two people or characters who knew each other as children, growing up together and eventually falling in love, being classified as another form a pedophilia. This construction is predicated of the core belief that, if the characters knew each other ash children, they would never be able to see each other as adults. And I think it’s because there’s so much dubious situations surrounding acts of pedophilia that this is even called into question. Of course I do not believe it to be pedophilia, but pedophilic behavior has made people call it into question because of their own beliefs, morals, and opinions. It really doesn’t have to do with the original, clinical definition of pedophilia. I mean, our words change all the time, gay was originally happy. That’s it. So yes, we are going to see a change in the way certain things are defined, and unfortunately this happens to be one. Is it unfortunate? Yes, because it’s still a real problem and this does mean that personal beliefs are muddying the waters in tackling this real issue. But this essay is also an issue, because it points out extreme beliefs rather than having a well-rounded subject pool on how antis really are. I follow more than several, and I see their posts, and I couldn’t categorize them into any of these 4 by the author’s definition, either. I remember reading about how Rin’s appearance was posed as a problem but only in tandem with Yashahime still portraying her as a minor due to their timeline, so that hardly counts as Perception of Youth or Canonical Stasis...

I wanna say this essay was trying to basically point out that if we are going to go against paedophilia, then we should have a unified front, but it feels like it’s just targeting antis for the perceived wishy-washiness. It doesn’t even provide a resolution, or a suggestion. And the problem is morality DOES go into how people view pedophilila, even with the clinical definition, and there is an obvious difference in morality from person to person. For my own example, let’s use murder. You hear a news story where a man has killed a woman. First thought might be that he was just another predator, she probably didn’t give him something he wanted, or a myriad of reasons why a man might kill a woman, typically the consensus is that she is the victim and he’s the murderer. What if more information is had and he killed her in self defense? The public’s opinion will change, some may still see her the victim, others may use this scenario to signal boost that men can be abused by women, too. In the eyes of the law, he’s still a murderer, and will still get prosecuted despite the truth being that he saved himself. Your morality will shape how you view the situation, whether you still would call him a murderer, or a survivor, or maybe even just a victim. He could be all three, even, and your perception will define that to you.

Now I can agree that some things labeled paedophilia by users in these examples have no substance because it boils down to personal opinion, but also there’s a huge problem that arises from this essay in that shippers of problematic ships are now going to use it in their defense, and the author of this essay is turned in a bad light. So the essay is getting a lot of support.... from the wrong sort of people. And the discussions really feel like an excuse for paedophilia, rather than tackling that as a problem. Sure, there’s odd discourse in antis in this perspective, but instead of going at the antis like this, why wasn’t the essay about paedophilia and how to define it, itself? I want to give the author the benefit of the doubt, but it almost feels like they are shippers of problematic ships and wanted to take an academic standpoint in their own defense.

Because another problem I thought of reading this was that not all anti-shippers are against problematic ships because they’re defined by pedophilia? For example, I’m fully anti Lokius, which is Loki and Mobius pairing. Why? Because Mobius willfully and purposefully tortured Loki. So the ship is basically an abuser and their victim, and since I’ve had a relationship like that, I’m fully against it. But...they’re both adults? This person would still define me as an anti, since I am vehemently against the ship, but there’s nothing pedophilic about it? Just pointing that out.

I’m sorry this post is so long, I had a lot of feelings about reading this essay. I wanted to give it a chance to see if my initial reaction was just defensive of myself. And because of that, I didn’t want to link my own thoughts to the original post and open myself up to more discourse from problematic-ship supporters.

Also, not tagging this post because it’s my ramblings. If anyone reads it, thank you, you didn’t have to. If you want to share it, I’d really just ask you repost instead of reblog, I dunno if I could handle the attention with the IRL stuff going on right now. I just needed to direct my energy elsewhere for a time.

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gianinnaczareena · 4 years

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ABORTION: Do we really get to have a say who deserves to have one or not?

Disclaimer: This essay will focus greatly on abortion (and rape). Some readers may be triggered. You may skip this essay as you please.

As we close our semester in UP Diliman, we have been tasked to answer (develop strategies for) sensitive feminist questions/problems using the theories we learned from our Feminist Theories and Movements class.

We were divided into small groups of four and with our collective and individual knowledge and experiences we worked on our assigned cases. Using drawlots, our group was tasked to strategize/brainstorm/provide a solution for a topic that remains to be a taboo and illegal in our country: abortion.

I understand that as you go about reading this you may or may not approve on our answer. I will understand that. I would also like to point out that the scenarios provided are fictitious and not at all real. However, as students and as feminist, we answered these questions thinking they are, in fact, real people in real situations in the hopes to "treat" it with more urgency, care, and respect.

As I explain how it went for our team, and to make it more precise, I will re-type the instructions and sets of questions given to us.

Here it goes:

5 Scenarios: Exercise used at the CAT4SRHR (Capacity Assesment Tool for Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights) Workshop developed by Oxfam

Instructions:

Each ofthe following women has asked for an abortion. According to your (fictitious) country's policy, there can only be one safe, legal abortion performed. As a policymaker, you must choose which woman will be able to receive a safe, legal abortion. You can only choose one candidate. Reflect on each of these scenarious and your rationale for choosing the one candidate (and not choosing the others). Be ready to present your decision to the bigger group.

1. A 17-year old woman in her first year at the university just found out that she is 8-weeks pregnant. Denied contraception by her health-care provider because she is unmarried and because of her young age, she and her boyfriend tried to use natural birth control methods, however their attempts failed. She does not feel financially or emotionally ready to become a mother, and wants to finish her studies. She is the first person from her poor, rural village to attend university.

2. A 15-year olf girl is 12 weeks pregnant as a result of rape by her stepfather. When she told her mother about the rape and pregnancy, her mother, who is also abused by her husband, quietly looked for someone to support them in this situation, but was unable to find anyone who could help or provide a safer place for her daughter to stay. Her daughter continuos to attend public school, where she has been a top student. She is experiencing great distress over the rape and pregnancy, and her schoolwork is suffering.

3. A 30-year old woman, married at 16, already has two children but is pregnant again. Her husbands spends much of his earnings on alcohol and sex workers. She is worried about her risk and the baby's risk of HIV. She is already struggling to feed two children, and doesn't know how she will be able to feed a third.

4. A 24-year old woman is engaged to her 27 year old boyfriend of the past three years. They plan to be married, so the unplanned pregnancy initially didn't upset them too much. However, they have learned that her diabetes will likely make her permanently blind if the pregnancy is carried to term.

5. A 12-year old girl is persuaded by a boy in the grade above her, whom she admires, to have sex with him. He does not like condoms and refuses to use one. Her lack of sexuality education leaves her unable to negotiate safe sex. Since she does not have regular periods yet, and has limited knowledge about pregnancy, it takes a long time before she realizes that she is pregnant. Now she is in her second trimester, and she is growing increasingly depressed and scared about her situation.

Difficult, right?

Well, to tell you the truth the team all agreed that each of these women DESERVE to have SAFE and LEGAL ABORTION should they wish to have one. And so, given the circumstances and the instruction to pick only one of these candidates has been proven difficult for us all.

But I'll go ahead and tell you our answer. We picked candidate no. 2.

Some of you may agree, some of you may not. But allow me to explain why we picked candidate no. 2, and believe me, it was a difficult choice to make. Also, you have to take into consideration that we are working with little knowledge and background on each of these fictitious women. We are basing our answer on the provided information which is composed of only 2-3 sentences (1 paragraph). Very limited knowledge.

Here's why:

1. All other candidates had consensual sex (it's a different case for candidate no. 5, and I will explain that later). Candidate no. 1, although legally minor, had consensual sex with her boyfriend and it was unfortunate that they were both denied contraception by their health-care provider and proceeded with natural birth control methods. Candidate no. 3, is married with two kids, and had consensual sex with her husband. Unfortunately, both of them proceeded to have unprotected sex (resulting to her third pregnancy) even when the husband has a history with sex workers (and may or may not have contracted HIV). Candidated no. 4 had consensual sex with her fiance. However, her pregnancy may result to blindness, due to her diabetes, if she decides to carry her term.

Now, for candidate no 5. and this is where it gets tricky. Our team and I believe that the 12-year old candidate is JUST AS DESERVING as candidate no. 2. She's freaking 12!!!! She's too young to be carrying a baby!! However, if we had to weigh it between candidate no. 2 and candidate no. 5, we believe that candidate no. 2 needs the abortion more. Now, candidate no. 5 was persuaded to have sex with a boy that she admires, this is where the "consent" gets tricky. She was persuaded by a boy he admires--which leaves us (my team and I) to assume that she may have hesitations about it but since she likes the boy she went on and had sex with him.

Which leaves us to candidate no. 2. She was raped. She. Was. Raped. By her stepfather. Not to mention, her mom is also abused by her stepfather. She did not have consensual sex. She was caught off guard. She was attacked. She was degraded. SHE WAS RAPED. She didn't want any of this to happen--not even to her mom. She didn't deserve what happened to her and if she wants to have an abortion--then she should.

2. Financial stability. It's unfortunate that most of our candidates have financial problems. But that's the reality of it. My team and I tried working our way around it by thinking of possible solutions/scenarios for each of these women's financial problems. Candidate no. 1 came from a poor, rural village and she is the first to attend the university. I have no doubt in my mind that she is a smart woman and can apply for financial aid (or scholarship) either from her school or from her municipality until she graduates. Her parents/family can care for her child until she starts earning. Candidate no. 3, is a 30 year old woman. She admitted that she is struggling to feed two children and can't afford a third one. Given her husband's history with alcohol and sex workers, the wife can negotiate with the husband to give up alcohol and the sex workers so that they can afford to feed their third child, now, obviously that won't be easy to do. My team and I are also assuming that the husband may be mentally/emotionally unstable, hence the alcohol and sex workers, but if this doesn't work--the wife, who is 30 years old, has the capacity to work. Candidate no. 4 seems financially stable. Plus, she has been engaged with her boyfriend for three years now which leaves us to assume that they are already saving up for their future family. Candidate no. 5, has no mention or whatsoever about her financial stabilty. Which leaves us to assume that she may come from a well-off family. As young as her age, we are assuming that her family can take care of her child while she finishes her school. Candidate no. 2, raped by her stepfather, attends public school. Which leaves us, again, to assume that she also, like almost the rest of the candidates, is not financially ready to become a mother. This strengthens our decision to pick candidate no. 2 to have the safe and legal abortion.

3. A case of word play. Again, my team and I are working with whatever little knowledge we have. And with little information about each of these fictitious women, it has become a case of word play. Again, and I cannot emphasize enough, my team and I believe that all of these women deserve to have safe and legal abortion. Their body, their right. However, we are tasked to pick only one candidate, based on their situation, to have the safe and legal abortion. Candidate no. 1, still has a future ahead of her. One unwanted pregnancy can't stop her from achieving her potential. It may take longer for her to achieve her dreams given that she is no longer just thinking about herself but also her baby, she may have setbacks--but she will get there. In candidate no. 3 situation, it said "She is worried about her risk and the baby's risk of HIV." RISK. Meaning, it is not yet verified whether or not she (or her baby) has contracted the HIV. And since this has become a case of word play, we may assume that she may not be able to contract the sickness at all. Same goes for candidate no. 4, it said that her diabetes she "will likely make her permanently blind if the pregnancy is carried to term" WILL LIKELY. So, we have to take that 50/50 percent chance that she MAY NOT get blind if she decides to push through with her pregnancy.

4. Moral/Immoral. Now this is on a more personal note. The fact that candidate no. 2 was raped by stepfather--was for me, enough to send her to the clinic to get that abortion. She deserves to have that abortion. She was raped. SHE WAS RAPED. She was attacked, degraded, insulted, direspected--she was raped. She didn't deserve that. Now, I may get a few sad reactions here and there, but this won't change my mind.

Conclusion:

This task of picking one candidate truly has been exhausting for us. But my team and I firmly believe that we made the right decision. We hope that we never have to face a future where we only have to pick one candidate for any women who DESERVES to have an abortion.

Now, going back to the title of this reflection:

ABORTION: Do we really get to have a say who deserves to have one or not?

As a feminist, I believe that no one gets to have a say who deserves to have an abortion other than the one who is pregnant. It is her body. It is her say. It is her right. IT'S HER DECISION TO MAKE and NO ONE ELSE'S.

I hope that one day, in this country, women get to have a choice if they want to keep their pregnancy or not. I hope that one day, Filipino women will have access to SAFE AND LEGAL ABORTION. I hope that rules and regulations on their bodies won't be anyone's concern other than themselves.

# END #

If you feel that there are things you need to talk to me about regarding my reflection and this essay please feel free to MESSAGE me here. As long as you are open to a non-discriminatory conversation, I am too. But if you're here to HATE. I have no room for that. Thank you.

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xcanadianxredheadx · 7 years

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A Small Amount Of Education (FASD)

Posted March 2, 2017 at 6:14 am Here is a small bit of education for you guys, so you know that FASD is not visible, it is a neurodevelopmental disability and affects the brain on different degrees. I am lucky enough to be on the more functioning side, and I was not raised knowing I had it. It was finally brought to light in May of 2013 to me, by people that know how to test for it. Which helped me gain a monthly payment of a set monetary amount every month.

Copied from this site:

canfasd.ca/media/fasd-fact-she…

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) is an umbrella term that describes the range of effects that can occur in an individual who was prenatally exposed to alcohol, and includes FAS. These effects can include lifelong physical, mental, behavioural difficulties, and learning disabilities. Depending on the amount and the timing of alcohol exposure, a minority of infants exposed will also develop a characteristic pattern of facial features, and some will have a growth deficiency. However, those effects are relatively rare and have little impact on day-to-day function.

Decades ago, the facial features of FAS received a lot of attention in the press. The presence or absence of facial features depends on whether alcohol was consumed in a very narrow window of time during pregnancy. It does NOT reflect the degree of brain disorder. The vast majority of people with FASD are not visibly different; you cannot see FASD. Although in a very small percentage of people the face may look different, the important fact is that in all individuals with FASD, the function of the brain is permanently affected.

Alcohol exposure during pregnancy results in changes to the developing brain at neurochemical and structural levels. Often, these changes are not detected until a child reaches early or middle school-age when difficulties at school and at home become increasingly problematic. These challenges can include problems in social communication and attention, motor and sensory problems, memory, and difficulty learning from consequences. As an individual grows, they are also at increased risk for depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions.

Scientific evidence has conclusively shown that alcohol consumption during pregnancy can cause fetal harm. There is insufficient scientific evidence to define any threshold for safe low-level drinking during pregnancy or when planning to become pregnant. The life-long damage to the brain is the most common and serious result from prenatal exposure to alcohol and can occur at any time during a pregnancy. The safest choice for a woman who is pregnant or planning to become pregnant is not to drink alcohol.

A common misconception is that FASD is associated with social, ethnic or cultural background. However, the majority of Canadian women drink alcohol. In a 2004 Canadian Addictions survey, 76.8% of women over 15 years of age reported drinking alcohol within the previous 12-month period. Approximately one half of all pregnancies are unintended. The highest rates of unintended pregnancy occur in women aged 15 – 19 years of age, which is also a population at increased risk for binge drinking.

There are currently no confirmed statistics on the number of people in Canada who have FASD, yet, prenatal alcohol exposure is considered the most common known cause of developmental disability in the western world. Over the years, prevalence rates in the United States have been reported as 1-3 per 1000 live births for the specific diagnosis of FAS, but as high as 1% or even higher for the full spectrum. The latest research on prevalence, conducted in several countries, indicates that these rates are believed to be as high as 5 out of every 100 live births. The indirect and direct costs for supportive needs in health, mental health, social services, and education and negative costs through criminality and criminal justice are estimated to be $4B/year.

Unlike most other birth defects, the diagnosis of FASD is not straightforward. Medical signs are difficult to recognize in newborns, infants and young children. Diagnosis can be delayed or missed entirely, as most of the damage caused by alcohol use during pregnancy cannot be easily quantified until problems arise. Problems caused by prenatal alcohol exposure may not be noticed until children are in school or until the teenage years because this is when those affected by FASD often have significant difficulty meeting societal expectations. FASD is challenging to detect and the diagnostic process relies on an inter-disciplinary team approach. Diagnostic services are not widely available across Canada, especially in rural and remote areas. Many families are reluctant to seek a confirmed diagnosis due to the stigma of addiction.

No two people with FASD will have the same challenges due to the wide variation of alcohol effects on brain development. They are at increased risk for mental health issues, school difficulty, addictions, and difficulties maintaining employment. Some of the more commonly seen challenges include:

Executive functioning – difficulty with judging, planning, delaying gratification, consequences, organization, impulsivity, memory

Communication – can be highly verbal, but lack comprehension skills both written and verbal

Neuromotor Defects – impaired balance and coordination

Sensory Deficits – pain, touch, heat, light I do have issues with planning, organization, impulsivity, and memory. However, I'm able to communicate better through written word rather than verbal, as I tend to stutter, and my words tend to come out wrong. I'm not so much in the Neuromotor defects area, and my sensory Deficits are nearly non-existent, though I can't handle flashing lights for very long, nor can I handle small noises. I'm on the 'mild' side of this disability, but it still affects me day to day. I also deal with depression and anxiety. But what needs to be brought to light, is the fact that people are heavily uneducated on a lot of mental/developmental disabilities. So please, educate yourselves, so you know what the 'hidden' disabilities are like. Not all disabilities are visible.

#FASD education #FASD #personal blog #stuff I deal with

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newhologram · 7 years

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New’s Atlas Subluxation and chronic illness timeline

It’s in my nature at this point to document things and it’s smart to keep track of my healing post-procedure anyway, so I might as well make a timeline here and share the experience as usual :p

Feel free to ask any questions, it doesn’t bother me at all. We need to let patients be teachers too, I think.

So here is my atlas subluxation and chronic illness timeline with backstory leading up to the procedure before it gets super specific with dates. I will try to update this during my healing as much as I can to document changes. I’m putting lots of links to posts where I talk about things as well, but you can also go into these tags on my blog to find more information: #personal #atlas subluxation #fibromyalgia #chronic pain #chronic illness #invisible illness #narcolepsy #ulcerative colitis 1.16.17 Posted with info up until this day. 4.12.17 3 month update!

1989: Born December 29th at a 3 1/2 lbs. Taken out prematurely because there was a complication with the umbilical cord and I was no longer growing. I had to stay in an incubator for 11 days until I weighed enough to go home, which was 5 1/2 lbs. It’s unclear whether or not the subluxation was present after birth; it’s possibly that I could’ve been pulled out in a way that caused it, but we have the next event as a definite marker for when things started getting worse.

Summer of 1996, age 6: While playing with sister I accidentally fractured my collar bone. I went up into the air, I remember seeing the ceiling coming closer, and then I fell straight down onto my back pretty hard. I cried and cried and said over and over again, “I broke something, I broke something” until they took me to the hospital. I vividly remember how I shook when they put me on the table to x-ray me. The doctor cheered me up by pointing out the gas in my chest. But basically they were like yep, there’s a fracture right there. And they sent me home with a sling. I remember that it had dinosaurs on it and it made me happy.

1996~2000, age 6 to 10: Always sick. Daily stomach aches, digestive issues leading to restrictive diet, nausea, back pain, bad posture, fatigue, insomnia, nightmares, sleepwalking, always cold, chronic bronchitis, hypersensitivity to stimulus like sound, light, color, taste, smell, temperature, and even experiences whether positive or negative, auditory processing disorder making it hard to understand what people said, problems with being “too excitable” and having intense reactions to rejection which was hard because I was constantly bullied and controlled by peers for being “weird” and “different”. I struggled in most subjects, but especially math, and I could never really handwrite properly, even to this day. School in general was just very hard because I never felt well and couldn’t keep up with others. Crying on the floor meltdowns whenever there are loud sports games or if a friend goes home early from a sleepover or if a parent gets mad at me (or I think they are). These meltdowns persisted into adulthood. I was always just called dramatic for them.

2001~2009, age 11 to 19: Middleschool and highschool were even harder. I struggled in most classes except for creative ones. Health problems persisted: first sleep paralysis with hallucations episode at age 12 or 13 and often had episodes after school that would eat up my early evening and wear me out mentally, still had problems with bronchitis, ovarian cyst caused me a lot of pain and missed classes, then I started having even worse digestive problems. By age 15 I had my first upper endoscopy and colonoscopy where they discovered ulcers in my esophagus, stomach, and intestines. Feelings of isolation, unable to feel like I could connect with people, noticeable depression, loneliness. First vomiting panic attack at age 17. At 19 did a homestay in Japan; an amazing experience but made difficult by vomiting, fatigue, insomnia, anxiety leaving the house and exploring by myself and freaking out when I got lost.

2010~2016, age 20-26: Health problems begin to worsen in early adulthood. Age 21: I’m vomiting a few times a week and having a ton of other problems, diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. Sleep and fatigue problems making it hard to work at my retail job especially while I’m in college. Age 23: suddenly the sleep paralysis and insomnia are impossible to manage and I go several months with very little sleep, getting worse and worse, every day having looong hard sleep paralysis episodes that leave me with horrible headaches and slurring like I’m drunk. I still go to auditions and work jobs I book as best as I can but get a narcolepsy diagnosis after a long process of sleep study and being yanked around by insurance not letting me actually see the neurologist for my diagnosis. Depression is getting to the point where it almost paralyzes me but I do my best. Health problems cause fights with family. Age 24: not long after the narcolepsy diagnosis: the pain and fatigue become excessive and debilitating and I get the fibromyalgia diagnosis. Condition worsens and worsens, a bump forms on my upper spine that causes horrific pain and distress. 2014 I’m in the ER/urgent care 4 times because the pain makes it unable to rest or stop vomiting for days on end (the most being 6 days where I lost 12lbs). I go to an Ayurvedic healing center because the doctors were useless. There is some improvement but I still struggle, at least I had a lot of good coping tools to keep myself a live, if only barely at times. In bed most days in horrible pain and exhausted by simple things such as getting up to use the restroom. Depression is horrible and a cloud of suicidal urges hang over me for almost 2 years because I feel like a failure who is ruining my family’s happiness by being sick and I feel an intense hatred for myself. I try to work a very mellow part time job at a perfumery but the pain makes it too hard and I’m eventually let go. Age 25: Depression persists but I force myself to start doing background TV/film work on a weekly basis. Making money helps calm me but it’s incredibly difficult with my health problems and I often vomit on set from fatigue and pain. I start seeing a chiropractor to help alleviate the pain and depression. It helps but I have to see him twice a week at first, then once, then every other week, but during a flare up it’s back to once a week. I also start seeing an acupuncturist which helps with organ function and eases some symptoms but I still have to see her regularly and the expenses add up and cause more problems with my family since I’m barely able to afford them on my own. Age 26: I get a part time job in retail to help supplement me while I do background work. With the skills I learned I’m able to manage things but I still suffer a lot every day and don’t sleep well because of the pain. Later in the year I stop doing bg work and get an additional part time job. I had accepted long ago that I would be in pain for the rest of my life and that all these tiny minimum wage paychecks I worked so hard through agony for would just go straight into managing my symptoms. I accepted that by age 45 I might be bedridden but at least I was doing my best now in my 20′s and I needed to accept whatever time my body had on this planet and do my best to be a source of light for others going through the same thing.

Starting the week of the December 18th, 2016, I have a lot of work days in a row and I’m slammed with auditions. It’s getting colder and colder, my pain is higher, I don’t have much time to rest. By Christmas Eve I’m in bed all the day with only short sporadic moments up to pee or try to soothe the depression with an activity. It’s so bad I can barely last 20 minutes at times before I have to stumble back to bed green in the face and weak.

This flare up continued until Wednesday, January 11th, 2017. 25 days of high pain and fatigue levels and going a few weeks only able to eat yogurt and a few crackers with one or two proper meals a week if I can. Lots of throwing up, usually two nights in a row, maybe a little break, and then back to it, just horrible persistent deep nausea. This is why I got down to 103lbs. Oops.

So, here’s where the timeline of atlas subluxation discovery and treatment starts:

12.18.16 ~ 1.11.17: Flare up from hell that wouldn’t end. It was suddenly back to the intense high levels I had back in 2014 when I didn’t know all these pain management techniques. Naturally, I was terrified and used every possible coping technique possible to get through it. Since it was so high I was just. Hoo. Each day was a rollercoaster. The pain gives me hella moodswings. Zip, zip, had to just keep it zipped as much as I could so I didn’t look like an asshole. If I had to work one shift I basically had to make sure I didn’t do ANYTHING beforehand to save those spoons and keep the pain from spiking, but I didn’t want to pass up auditions so I forced myself to a few. The pain got so bad I couldn’t even sit up in bed most nights. Missed a lot of work. Had to meditate like crazy to keep positive thoughts in the front of my brain but it was very difficult.

1.5.17: Barely clinging to positivity but trying my best, since I’m always in bed I work up the strength with a LOT of rest and pain management to play a little Pokemon. Meanwhile I’m trying to work on gross crunchy calcium in the back of my neck (yeah, it’s nasty) and this huge chunk comes off inside my neck, like just... a crunchy chip floating in there that I could move and scrape against my neck

UM. I YELLED and immediately posted about it and freaked out because by googling “hard crunchy back of neck floating” I discovered atlas subluxation. http://newvagabond.tumblr.com/post/155495266822/atlas-orthogonal-changed-my-life-migraines

1.6.17: Appointment with primary care physician to update her on my rapidly worsening condition and talk to her about atlas subluxation. She got flustered and was saying, “this isn’t something the healthcare system considers as treatment” and I was like WHY and at this point I was done being pushed around and I said many times, “Sorry, I just need you to hear everything that I’m saying” as I went over this whole page of notes I made for her about how this procedure could give me my life back. I lamb’d her into submission in order to get her to write several referrals to try to find someone. All she could do was refer me to the bone doctor and the neurologist.

GUYS IT’S LITERALLY LIKE, oh, your brain and body are breaking down because this one bone might be out of place? It’s that simple and obvious and we can find it in x-rays easily if we know what we’re looking for and there are already specialists who do this specific adjustment around the world?

Hmm... nahhh... nah... don’t even check there. Just treat this girl’s depression and pain with drugs FIRST, before we determine that it’s the organs themselves with the deficiency. We’ll just try that and see what happens, $50 please. I have been on 3 different depression/anxiety meds, zofran, xanax, ativan, tramadol, various colon steroids?? Just a ton of crap.

Even knowing I will need to pay an atlas doc out of pocket, I get so depressed that I can’t even bring myself to make a phone call for an appointment.

1.11.17: Crying and screaming level of pain, very weak, depression so intense all I could think while obviously very, very ill was “I’m the worst/I should die/I’m just a problem/I’m ruining my dad’s life/I’m an unreliable loser and all my coworkers and employers think I’m lazy and dumb/no one likes me because I’m too weird and always sick” etc etc. My dad almost took me to the hospital because the pain was just way too intense and making me lose my shit.

1.12.17, day of procedure: In the morning my dad called me and suggested we just do it, just call one of those specialists. I was in no state to make phone calls so he did it for me. He picked the closest one and called her. He said, “my daughter has fibromyalgia and she’s in bad shape” and the doctor said we could come in that day.

My post after the adjustment describing the experience with photos Even walking is different Other details about the visit Brain activity is high at bedtime but I can feel my body 1.13.17, day after procedure: Wake up sharp at 8am, do yoga. Got some pretty intense back and neck pains and fatigue but it’s different. I feel sore and aching like my body is letting go after holding onto something for a long time. I have an appetite. Talking about how this is the first doctor I’ve ever met who was just so confident in her ability to help me instead of shrugging and giving me drugs Reeling because everything is making so much sense and how our medical system is awful Prophetic dream? 1.14.17, day 2: Went to school, had fun because I could think properly. My dad took me to do errands after. I got really tired and had pain but it was still very different. We picked up some suggestions the doc gave me to help my body during the healing process. Thinking about how crazy it is that my body is going to be slowly adjusting and healing over the next year or so More thoughts as I feel my body change and think about what lead up to all this Hope and healing Already seeing a drastic change in sleep

1.15.17, day 3: Back to work at my retail job. Kind of difficult because I’m under strict orders from the doctor not to lift more than 5lbs as not to make my atlas go back out of whack. Lots of pain and fatigue by noon from having to use my body so much. But brain is still sharp, having fun with customers. On my break I start looking up atlas subluxation and how it affects a child’s brain development since I realize that this means that I grew up with a compressed brain stem. Unfamiliar feeling of peace and calm Sad thoughts remembering my childhood Suspicious of the medical system not recognizing this A thank you to friends and followers during this hugely important time

1.16.17, day 4: Day off. Pain levels got pretty high so I did my best to rest a lot. I was too tired to play more than a little video games. Noticing I look different in pictures Anon asks if the bump on my spine is gone More research, ebook with alarming symptoms that match mine Exposing a secret Text post talking about the pain and family members looking into this now/ Meant to be Stepping stones Having another look at my MRI More info 1.17.17, day 5: Very tired. Slept in until 9am, managed to do 5 pushups, yoga, and some light hula hooping. Had a good breakfast and got about an hour of editing done by 11:30 before I was just way too tired, so I napped until a little after 1 and had a small lunch. The pain wasn’t so bad, it was mostly fatigue. I ended up needing another 30 minute nap before I went to work. I felt kind of depressed but I’m not sure if it’s because of my worry about work. I worked today and I have to work tomorrow, I’m just worried 2 days in a row will be rough like it usually is. I still really wish I could just take time off completely and not force myself through these shifts. But I don’t want to lose my jobs. :( We’ll see. Epic upper body spasm while trying to make a snack 1.18.17, day 6: I slept really well despite waking up randomly at 3. I felt calm and warm without my heated blanket on for awhile, and fell back asleep easily. I ate a really good breakfast and lunch and work wasn’t too bad. I’m still very sore and aching, and having to move around so much definitely doesn’t help that. My mood was back up again, but I do feel a bit emotionally overwhelmed by all this information. I’m feeling anger and the urge to call my primary care doctor and ask her how she can even call herself a doctor. Wondering what differences my acupuncturist will notice Crooked glasses no crooked atlas yes Sharper brain at work Frustration and wondering how much worse I would’ve gotten Positivity is important but it doesn’t fix a spine by itself Happy to have answers but feeling a lot of sadness 1.19.17, day 7 and my follow up with the atlas orthogonal doctor: Follow up post here with “after” x-ray pics Thoughts on Snapchat Ashwagandha Lots of fatigue and also depressive mood swings keeping me in bed. 1.20.17, day 8: Fun day out with a friend, very much needed. She got me a gemstone for spinal alignment! Pain wasn’t too bad all day and by 5pm I was getting tired. VERY squirmy feelings.

Atlas noise is grossing me out Dear my body Reflection on my experience in the crystal store and how life has been the past 4 years being so sick Thinking about a classmate saying something kind of inappropriate 1.21.17, day 9: Bad depression and fatigue. Missed school and had a really rough time at work. 1.22.17, day 10: Mood improved a lot, felt okay at work and had a good massage. Super hungry. Sat at my desk for so long! But also so much wiggliness that I hate

1.23.17, day 11: I felt good so I vlogged a lot! I pushed it a little and had to rest a lot after though, oops.

Pain is high at bedtime, I need some kind of memory foam pillow 1.24.17, day 12: Acupuncture appointment went well, she was pretty amazed. Worked, pain came and went. Felt energetic. Even played OW when I got home. Depression is coming in smaller waves now but they’re still strong and can knock me over. Answering an ask about x-rays Another ask about fixing the atlas yourself Depression coping tips

1.25.17, day 13: A lot of depression first half of the day. It got better once I got to work. Pain got up there at night but I managed to get some OW in. Forgot to buy spicy patches but I have a new magnesium oil spray.

Brain reprogramming

1.26.17, day 14: Went to the market by myself and regretted it because I ended up in bad pain by 11am. Didn’t get much done the whole day, slept on and off like a toddler.

Thoughts on growing up Spoonie snaps: food and owies Night sweats pretty much gone 1.27.17, day 15: Another day of lots of pain and fatigue, but I managed to do a little bit and play some games. The impact of choosing not to suffer in silence Fatigue depression

2.6.17, day... omg idfk! I’ve been so wiped out I haven’t had the energy to sit at my desk and keep this updated.

Basically, things have still been a wild ride. I had a little over a week of high pain levels and fatigue but thankfully no vomiting, but looots of depression and badbrain. I’ve been doing my best to manage everything and stay on top of my self-care routine as usual. Each day is different and things are changing little by little.

Since so many of my updates/thoughts are in text posts I’ll just link them like I was already doing.

1.28.17 Chronic pain problem of trying to time medicating

1.29.17 I feel like I’m not allowed to rest One day I’ll be big and strong Recent snaps of pain management and finding comfort in cats and facemasks

1.30.17 PMS messing me up and such

1.31.17 Before and after x-rays and thoughts about my MRIs Got an adjustment at my regular chiro and it went great

2.1.17 Recent snaps of special spine pillow and such Missing gaming because too much pain ;(

2.2.17 Vlog teaser: working on medical marijuana vlogs! Advice for an anon Relating to a follower about overstimulation caused by a new pain

2.3.17 Spoonie actor visibility Snapchat story Heard back from the MyStrength people Intense flare with bad spine and rib pain and fever

2.4.17 Vlog about getting my handicap parking placard

2.5.17 Tonsil stones ; ; Morning depression Spoonies, Stay (about spoonie suicide) Intrusive thoughts, healing is painful, and on being a late bloomer

3.14.17

Time has gotten away from me. It’s hard to keep track of things. I’m having good days but more bad days. Lots of swelling in my upper neck now. Video here to show how big it gets http://newvagabond.tumblr.com/post/158336271242/this-is-what-i-mean-when-i-say-ow-my-upper-spine possibly because I didn’t rest and stuff, chiro had to do a lot

Depression was pretty bad too. And there’s been a huge weather change. It’s possibly that’s related to my flare up. Feeling hopeless.

Frustration at being told I’m lucky to be so skinny when I am skinny because of health problems Going to school in pain and realizing other people don’t have any idea what this is like Spine pain feels like spine is moving slowly, like braces on teeth Feeling pressured to work when my body is not well I wish I’d known it’s not normal Bad pain, acupuncture, experimenting with oils Threw up for the first time since January Being happy isn’t only for the neurotypical ER doctors hate us Malingering, teachers thinking I was faking Low spoons from having to keep up with people who have near infinite spoons

March got better towards the end with more frequent massage and me getting very serious about my Ayurveda self-care routine. Yoga deep stretch 2x a day, strict rest breaks, lots of ashwagandha, etc. Sleep became difficult again, both at night and during the day.

Neurological tics and SP Spine spoonie end of March Appreciate the time a spoonie gives you Emotional detox the past 4 years Low pain day despite stress and activity ?? didn’t have to medicate until 9pm Ashwagandha powder feeling changes Two days in a row of low pain and good brain function Survival is anything but typical More ashwa goodness Glass half full Suddenly back to being in bed most of the day Medical records showing just how incompetent my old docs were What does it mean to be strong? Spine swelling stealing my days I want a spinal implant Spoonies are always performing Losing friends when you get sick

Sesame oil and hot/cold pack life New vape cartridge for spine pain relief! Golden milk with ashwagandha every night!

Had a very busy week even with low pain days and got worn out after 6 days, high pain, but still great mood. I felt very positive and optimistic. Reality felt very strange with low pain. But I was back to my usual struggle the next week.

I still feel very much like the only way people will take my health seriously is if I push myself into collapsing. Also spine is so noisy when I do my yoga. I got my tax return and I’m so thankful because I was able to stock up on pain relief products! But I’m still kinda worried about the neurological symptoms I’m having.

I saw my new doctor and was really surprised.

4.12.17 3 month update and thoughts.

#atlas subluxation #chronic illness #invisible illnesses #disability #personal #teku #new's medical timeline

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elisehsmith-blog · 7 years

Text

Made in Dagenham Character Sheet 2

1. Full name

Sandra Beaumont

2. Date and place of birth

May 26th 1948 in Tollesbury, Essex

3. Where you grew up

I spent 8 years in Tollesbury, Essex but my father lost his job and could only find another job in Dagenham, Essex.

4. Education

I spent my first school years at a private school in Tollesbury, but when my parents could no longer afford it I had to enroll in a less fortunate public school when living in Dagenham.

5. Where do you live now? Place / Building / Village / Town / City / Country

I still live with my parents in a small house in Dagenham, Essex. The house has 3 bedrooms and the street is packed full of many different kinds of working class families. However, I'm hardly at home.

6. Information on parents (living / deceased / missing /

whereabouts unknown)

My mother is 45 years old, she grew up in Tollesbury with strict parents. However she's not strict with her children, she suffers with alcoholism and most of her money that she hardly earns is spent on that. My father is 46 years old, he grew up with a family that weren't so wealthy so he wanted to make a living for himself; he got a good job and became really financially stable, however when he lost that job and he had no money handling skills he soon ran out of money- now our family is scraping money and only just okay.

7. Family life in general

I am not close with my family as I would like to earn my living from my own work, and my family don't seem to bother what I do with my life- as long as I am earning. I have bigger dreams and want to move away someday. My family is pretty broken and not setting a good example on my younger sister, my mother and father no longer get along and they're only together for the financial support from one another and for the house. I don't really know my grandparents, hence why I'm really close with the older women at the factory.

8. Brothers / sisters / parents / grandparents / other relations / your children

I have one younger sister who is age 13, she is the opposite of me because she's shy and she likes to stay in her bedroom all day away from the world. My mother doesn't really leave the house, her only friend is a bottle. My father has started to deteriorate in mental health because of the stress he has been put through. I do not know any of my grandparents really as they don't live nearby, I only used to see them as a young child- I only know my close family in my household.

9. How wealthy are you personally? Wealth of family background. How / Why

I tend to save the money I earn so I can build it up to be able to travel to auditions or find any agents I could hire. My wages are really low and I don’t earn a lot at all. My grandparents have a lot of money but because I don't see them I don't get any expenses from them; however the wealthy side of my family is where I get my expensive taste from. My dad was earning a lot of money until he lost his job and was made redundant and now he earns only a small amount more than what I get. My sister does a paper round and gets money from that but only enough for her school lunches.

10. Hobbies and interests / activities / clubs / what do you do in spare time

I really enjoy going out and meeting new people whenever I can. I'm really confident so I like to have fun by being a people person and I'm never shy about it. I go out to the pubs when I get paid and sometimes even if I don’t have any money I'll still go out because I know people will buy me drinks anyway, that’s what's fun about making friends.

11. What do you look like?

I have long blonde hair and I really enjoy wearing makeup and experimenting with it and doing fun looks. I'm always doing my makeup because I want to look my best. I do not wear conservative clothing because that doesn't suit me and it’s boring. I like to wear bright girly colours like any kind of pink. I'm also very smiley, I think a smile makes a look.

12. Any Love interests?

I have no specific love interest at anytime because I don’t plan on settling down anytime soon. However, I am just having fun with someone called Richard at the moment but I'm not really committed yet.

13. Bad habits?

I go out all of the time and sometimes I get back in really late, only just in time for work. Sometimes I'll go out and get back in at my own house at 8 am when I have work close to that time.

14. Most valued possessions and why

My compact mirror is one of my most valued possessions because it's really pretty and it means a lot to me to have nice, expensive looking accessories. It also belonged to my great grandmother and I must take good care of it because I never knew her but I know it costed a lot of money, they were rich.

15. Employment?

I work as a machinist at the Ford Dagenham factory with most of the other women that live in Dagenham.

16. Secrets / problems / challenges / difficulties?

I like to look like I have a lot of money but it's difficult because I really don't, my family life is awful and sometimes it really brings me down but most of the time it motivates me even more to go out and do better for myself.

17. What makes you laugh / cry?

I have quite a dirty sense of humour which goes along with one of the other women in the factory, Beryl. Beryl makes me laugh because we kind of have the same humour I just see myself as a bit more classy than her. I get upset when I think about what would happen if I never achieved my dream, I really want to land a modelling contract and live luxuriously.

18. What have been the most significant events in your life?

Moving from Tollesbury to Dagenham was significant because it was a real eye opener to live the world in the complete opposite way of how I was living it before. Joining the factory was significant too in a good way because I have friends there that are more motherly to me than my real mother ever has been or will be.

19. Describe your personality

I am really bubbly and like to have fun, as well as spreading joy to others. I will stand my ground if I disagree with something and I do not let people walk all over me. I have a dirty sense of humour and I like to have a laugh with all of the girls at work.

20. Hopes / dreams / fears?

I hope to land a modelling contract in the next few years of my life, it's my dream to be in vogue and to be modelling all those lovely clothes you see them showing in vogue. The only thing I'm scared of is that not coming true, I cannot imagine my future without a modelling contract- or some sort of modelling deal.

0 notes

curlyblackspaghetti-blog · 6 years

Photo

Teenage pregnancy

The main causes of teenage pregnancy

1. Lack of education on safe sex - Unwanted teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases arise from a lack of education. When teenagers are lacking any knowledge on safe sex, they will still be doing it, just in totally the wrong ways. For many parents and adults it can be hard letting go of their children and opening the door into adult knowledge. But its totally necessary for proper development. As well as physical health issues, mentally its very damaging for a child to not be properly educated on sex. We are living in a society in which porn has fast become incredibly accessible. In a situation where a child's knowledge on sex is full of uncertainty, porn should not be the natural filler. In my opinion, porn creates a culture of not only shaming women and objectifying them, but encouraging sexual assault. For a teenager to watch porn following a lack of education on safe sex is mentally, extremely damaging. My main issue with the sex education within schools is how heteronormative it is. It's just assumued that students are heterosexual. You'd think that with the societal progressions we've made, we as teenagers would be taught about sex between same sex couples. However during my sex education lessons, same sex relationships were never even mentioned. Even in cases where sex wasn't being discussed, it was just never brought up as an example of a relationship. I can't even begin to explain how damaging this is to young, impressionable teenagers, especially ones who are struggling to come to terms with their sexuality. They'll have so many unanswered questions and none of them will be answered in these safe spaces that are dedicated to education. Molly Thompson ( Intersectional Feminist, Social Activist, Writer and proud Hufflepuff )

- Llack of compulsory sex and relationships education has created a ‘ticking sexual health time bomb’, town hall chiefs have warned.The Local Government Association (LGA) said too many youngsters are still being diagnosed with sexually transmitted infections (STIs) due to poor information in schools.Official figures show there were 78,066 STI diagnoses among 15 to 19-year-olds in England in 2015, and 141,060 among 20 to 24-year-olds. The LGA, which represents local authorities, urged the Education Secretary to make sex education mandatory in all secondary schools to combat the ‘shockingly high’ number of cases.Justine Greening has already indicated she will consider making the subject mandatory, although parents would still retain the right to withdraw their children from classes.Currently, only council-maintained secondaries must teach the subject – although many academies and free schools also so do voluntarily. However, standards vary widely between schools and some very religious ones choose not to teach it at all.The LGA said age-appropriate sex and relationships education should be an essential part of the curriculum for young people.It said local authorities have responsibility for public health, budgeting around £600 million a year for sexual health, and without proper classes, pupils are not being properly prepared for adulthood. Izzi Seccombe, chairman of the LGA’s community wellbeing board, said: ‘This is a major health protection issue.‘The lack of compulsory sex and relationship education in academies and free schools is storing up problems for later on in life, creating a ticking sexual health time bomb, as we are seeing in those who have recently left school. ‘The shockingly high numbers of STI diagnoses in teenagers and young adults, particularly in the immediate post-school generation, is of huge concern to councils. ‘The evidence suggests that when designed and delivered in the right way, sex and relationships education can have a really positive impact on a pupil’s development. ‘However, we are also conscious that some parents may wish to remove their children from this, which is why we are saying there should also be provision for parents to opt their children out of lessons, if they consider this to be in the best interests of their child.’ It is understood Ms Greening is considering making the subject compulsory to tackle online grooming, sexting and youngsters viewing internet porn. A number of MPs from different parties have come out in support of the measure. Former Cabinet ministers Dominic Grieve, Nicky Morgan, Maria Miller, Dame Caroline Spelman and former Children’s minister Tim Loughton are understood to be backing the change. At least seven Labour MPs - Sarah Champion, Graham Allen and Jon Cruddas - are said to be in support of it, as is a DUP MP Jim Shannon. The change to the National Curriculum - which would be the biggest overhaul of sex education for 17 years - is proposed in an amendment to the Children and Social Work Bill which was published in the House of Commons last week. A Department for Education spokesman said: ‘High-quality education on sex and relationships is a vital part of preparing young people for success in adult life. ‘It is compulsory in all maintained secondary schools and, as the Education Secretary said recently, we are looking at options to ensure all children have access to high-quality teaching in these subjects.

BY: ELEANOR HARDING FOR THE DAILY MAIL

2. Media, peer, and family influences as risk factors - Media portrayals influence teen sexual behaviours. Glamorous television and magazine shots of ‘famous’ pregnant teens influence teens to engage in sexual activity and become pregnant themselves. Some teens decide to get pregnant so they can drop out of school. Girls who have lived in foster care have double the teen pregnancy rate of peers outside the foster care system. Girls whose fathers are in the home as they grow up are less likely to become teen parents. Ignorance of effective contraceptives leads to teen pregnancy. Some teens get pregnant in order to force a sexual partner into more commitment. Some are defiantly rebelling against what they perceive as overly strict parental rules. Some are engaged in sexual behaviours but lack knowledge about how to obtain contraceptives to prevent pregnancy, while others are pressured by their sexual partners not to use condoms. Thus, many factors are involved in teen pregnancy and many strategies need to be considered in attempts to decrease rates (Honig, 1984Honig, A.S. 1984. Developmental effects on children of pregnant adolescents [research review]. The biggest risk for teen mothers is delaying prenatal care. In the USA, ‘7.2% received no care at all’ (Weiss, 2011Weiss, R.E. (2011, December 22). Teen pregnancy. Retrieved Some reasons for lack of care are teen denial of the pregnancy and fear of telling parents. Very young teens have a higher chance of pregnancy and birth complications. So do teens who smoke, since birth weights are lower for smoking mothers. In a UK study, mothers who smoked prenatally had children with lower reading scores in the fourth grade; and the more packs smoked during pregnancy, the stronger the difficulties later on. Drug use is another high-risk factor for difficulties in birth outcomes for pregnant women. The Kaiser Permanente Early Start programme in California helps women stop substance abuse during pregnancy and estimates that such prenatal intervention programmes could save $2 billion annually

- The social causation model, Conger explained, provides a framework for considering the way in which economic disadvantage and social conditions affect family functioning and the ways that children develop. Recent studies have provided evidence that economic factors influence families. Costello and colleagues (2003), for example, found that children whose families were lifted out of poverty when a gambling casino opened on an Indian reservation showed improvement in both psychiatric symptoms and conduct problems. Specifically, this study found that externalizing signs, including such behavior disorders as conduct disorder, improved, but that families’ improved economic circumstances did not affect the rate of internalizing psychiatric problems, such as depression. The researchers concluded that the improvements came about in part because of improved parenting practices. Experimental studies, such as the New Hope study (Huston et al., 2003), have also shown that interventions that increased employment and reduced poverty resulted in similar improvements. Researchers have described three primary models for thinking about how economic factors influence families: the family stress model, the investment model, and the interactionist model. Research on the family stress model goes back to the 1930s, Conger said, and has since been well replicated using many samples from diverse backgrounds. It is based on evidence from both human and animal studies that punishing experiences, such as economic pressure,1exacerbate negative affect, which can take many forms, such as despondency, depression, anger, or aggression (Berkowitz, 1969). These sorts of emotions can disrupt family relationships. The effect of the hardship depends on the way it affects daily life—in other words, the emotional response of the family and the individual are what determines the psychological effect of the event. When parents become depressed, angry, and sullen with one another and have increased conflict, the result is often harsh and inconsistent parenting or withdrawal. For adolescents, that can mean increases in risky behavior and less development of the sorts of competencies that protect them from those risks. Conger observed that other sorts of distress may also affect families in the same way. That is, when stress and challenge are high for parents, they generally have an increase in emotional and behavioral problems, which in turn affect family functioning and increase risks for children. The model, which is consistent with findings from numerous studies (Conger et al., 2010;Conger and Conger, 2008; Conger and Donnellan, 2007), is illustrated in Figure 5-1. Some interventions based on this model have focused on improving families’ economic circumstances. However, although the downward spiral can occur very quickly, such interventions work much more slowly. Thus, in Conger’s view, interventions that reduce the harm during the economic transition are also needed. Promising targets include: The family stress model of economic hardship. SOURCE: Conger and Conger, 2008. Reproduced with permission from Sage Publications. Copyright © 2008 by Sage.

Reducing parental distress,

Reducing parental conflict and relationship difficulties,

Promoting effective parenting, and

Incorporating the children’s perspectives, that is, encouraging them to feel that they are part of the solution to the family’s difficulties.

While these approaches appear to hold promise, Conger identified areas in which further research is needed. For example, not enough is known about potentially lasting effects of hardship experienced by young children and how they might affect adolescent behavior and risk-taking. The role of self-regulatory and personality processes, which can play a protective role, could also be better understood.

3. Alcohol and teen pregnancy

- Heavy drinking can lead to teen pregnancy. Teachers in a health course for teens need to explain clearly how different the brain is when a teen drinks heavily. Weekend drinking contests are frequent for some teens. The teenage brain seems to be less reactive to alcohol's short-term effects. Yet, for teens, alcohol impairs the memory system in the hippocampus and severely limits the ability of the frontal lobes to carry out thoughtful and logical thinking. ‘Without mature frontal lobes, young people are less able to weigh negatives consequences and inhibit impulsive behavior like binge drinking … Binge drinking can lead to unsafe sex and unwanted pregnancy’

A teen couple came to ask me whether the beer party they had attended a few weeks before where they had more than 12 beers each would affect the embryo of an early pregnancy they now found themselves facing, a few weeks after that party.

- Substance use among adolescents increases the risk of unplanned pregnancies, which then increases the risk of fetal exposure to addictive, teratogenic substances. Specific interventions are necessary to target pregnancy planning and contraception among reproductive age substance users. Screening for substance use using the CRAFFT is recommended in all health care settings treating adolescent patients. Screening for tobacco and nicotine use is also recommended along with provision of smoking cessation interventions. Using motivational interviewing style and strategies is recommended to engage adolescents in discussions related to reducing substance use, risky sexual behavior, and probability of unplanned pregnancy or late-detection pregnancy. Earlier interventions that strengthen autonomy and resourcefulness in recognizing and caring for an unplanned conception is a form of advanced directive that may well reduce fetal exposure to tobacco, alcohol, and drugs and simultaneously empower girls and women in self-care

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theloveshackchronicles-blog · 6 years

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How I Deal With Stress

Statistics show an astronomical percentage of how many moms find their lives stressful. I believe 96% of women feel they are far more stressed than their mothers were when raising them. New age. New problems. Right?

I don't know about you! But, 2017 came equipped with many stressors! MANY! Now with the New Year quickly approaching, I have come up with small ways of tackling my stressors before they attack me. Maybe they will be some help to you:

1: Recognize your signs of stress-Your body will warn you that it's reaching levels of stress before you actually can say "wow, I am stressed" For example, my body will get irritable relatively quicker than it would normally. I catch myself snapping back at people who don't deserve it. My blood pressure feels a little higher than normal around times of stress. I also get very shaky and tend not to eat as much... if at all. When I see the first signs of loss of appetite, that's when I know I am too stressed and need to chill out.

2: Take Breaks/ Naps: I LOVE sleep... I love lamp...jk. But sleep and I go way back! Being a new mom meant those naps and sleeping in on the weekends were over! I wake up really early to get to work so after a while, my body adjusted to lack of sleep. But it catches up, man!! ESPECIALLY when you're so used to being a heavy and long sleeper. I noticed that by Thursday of each week, my body has had enough. Wednesdays, I usually try to take it easy after work. We do a light dinner so there won't be as much prep or clean up. I'll even squeeze in a nap while my youngest takes his typical 2 hour afternoon nap. But either way..nap or not, I give myself a day a week to just move a little slower. I don't try to complete deadlines. I don't schedule food shopping or hanging out on those days. I like to call these my "After Work Mental Health Days" And once your husband sees improvement in your attitude, he won't be such a jerk about letting you nap sometimes ;-)

3:BREATHE!!!!!: OMG! When stressors are high, I literally forget to breathe. Like during child birth! I would just hold my breath and hope to die hahahaha. But seriously, you must focus on steady breathing when you're gonna lose your shit. It helps all the blood flow through your body and allows that oxygen to get to your brain and allow you to make clear judgments. You ever see someone so mad that their face is red like the angry emoji? That's because he or she isn't breathing. They are so stressed and angry that all the blood is rushing to their head and literally clouding their ability to be rational. Don't be the angry emoji. Just breathe!

4: Laugh!: Laughter is therapy. We all know that. Make sure you have a friend or relative who can make you smile from time to time. Or at home, put on classic funny movies that you and your family can all enjoy. We are movie critics at home and have quite the extensive DVD library so far. Playing a funny movie in the background while you prepare dinner can help distract your mind from all the bull crap it had to sustain all day. I also YouTube funny videos of people falling on ice (because I am that person who falls on ice)

5: Get SEXY and drink water!: Stress makes me feel so unattractive. Because I "have no time", I tend to take less care of myself. I will wear hats instead of doing my hair. I'll wear hoodies to avoid ironing a blouse. There just isn't time damnit!!!!!!! But find some! You don't have to be fleeky all day,every day. Come on! But, you don't have to represent your circumstance either. I hate the whole "are you okay" whenever I don't look the part. Like damn, am I really showing in my appearance how shitty my life is right now? When you're feeling a little stress, wake up 15 minutes earlier than usual so you can straighten your hair or apply eye shadow to your makeup. When you look good, you feel good. Freshly shaven legs always do it for me. I really feel like I have my life together when my legs are soft ;-) My skin also looks grey when I am stressed. IDK why. It always has a green hue to it lol. Consuming water regularly helps maintain your glow!

6: Write lists: Get in the habit of carrying a journal or having a dry erase board at home. Some place where you can write things down on thought. I am forgetful as all hell and don't always use my phone for notes or calendars. I have not yet adjusted to tech life in that way. I like to use really nice, smooth writing pens. I like to physically write. It releases some of my nervous energy. It's also pretty cool when you read back on some of your entries and can see for yourself how much you've grown.

7: Talk!!!!!: My problem with stress is shutting down and not accepting help. It causes soooo much unnecessary hardship on your relationship when you do that. Speak up. When you feel those stressors, tell your lover that you're sorry if you've been a little off. You just have a lot going on and need some extra help this month. More likely than not, the person will appreciate you giving them the heads up and will be more willing to help relieve some stress. When you're walking around kicking shit, mumbling under your breath and being just plain obnoxious for attention don't get butt hurt when nothing changes. When he asks "what's wrong" and you say "nothing"... DO NOT get upset when he doesn't try to fix it. Our men are not mind readers. And sometimes we need to just say hey, its not you, its me! I have gotten really comfortable with my love. I'll tell him straight up. " I am getting my period and my emotions are not normal. If I seem a little on the bitchy side, I am sorry' It works better than the alternative. He also keeps track of my menstrual so that he can prepare himself for cry baby, Christine. Or impatient Christine. It helps being with someone who is willing to try anything to help you. I do the same for him. Nothing changes if nothing changes!

8: Take it day by day! Take your time. Stop putting so much on your plate. You are already super mom, super wife, super employee. You do it all! But it ALL doesn't have to be done right now! Set up a schedule for yourself. Sometimes I take an hour or two and pretend to be my own personal assistant. I schedule appointments and plan things (in my journal) and make minor tweaks here and there as things change (they're always fucking changing) So don't kill yourself trying to make things perfect! Slow and steady wins the race!

9: Spend time with your kids! : Kids are so damn awesome!! I have always loved kids for their innocence and ability to make fun out of nothing!! Me dancing to warm up after being outside in the cold is funny to my kids! As easy as making a fool out of myself for my kids can bring them a smile which in turn warms me up inside. Watching my boys use their imagination puts me in my place. Stop being so literal. Observing my kids play and seeing them look up at me to confirm I am still there makes me realize how much I am needed and wanted.

10: Have faith in something: I won't get Godly. I won't even ask you to pray. But believe in something better than yourself. Give thanks for your good health, your job, your family. Always remain humble and grateful.

I hope these tips can help you find some daily relief!

#stress help communication

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