#but mama kazansky isn't a pushover she just picks her battles

[sassenach082]

this may be an unpopular opinion but i personally think that Eleanor has a part in Ice’s childhood being shitty. obviously the Colonel is the main reason why but what i’ve seen so far, she didn’t really defend Ice or any of the other kids. Ice basically raised John and Tim when that should have been Eleanor’s job. Everyone in the family has become comfortable with putting pressure on Ice. They all since he’s strong enough to take it, he should. The scene where Sarah hugged the Colonel right in front Ice made me a little mad and sad for Ice. I hope that Mav puts them in their place but that normally isn’t how it works :(

Hey nonnie!

I would have to agree, to a point. To build their backstory up for you a bit (since it will come out over time through Tom's narrating), Eleanor and Bill Kazansky got married when she was 20 and he was 21, and they had Tom a year or so later.

Eleanor had 5 kids in 8 years and a husband who was away all the time. I think she tried her best and she loves the hell out of all her kids, and she does love her husband, but this was also the 60s (Tom was born in '61 [so in 1987 he's 26], John in '62, there was a miscarriage in '63, the twins in '66, and Tim in '68 which nearly killed her). Leaving your husband was basically unheard of, and how would she even do that?

They'd have bounced around every 2-3 years (or sooner than that, depending on Bill's postings) and she wouldn't have had a community to rely on other than friends she'd make on post before getting transferred again every time she got comfortable. Tom was born in San Clemente and lived in 6 different states (as well as briefly abroad in Germany) before his 13th birthday, after which Bill's job sent them back to California.

Long story short Eleanor tried her best, she really did, and she made sure her kids knew she loved each and every one of them. But she did also put pressure on Tom when he was growing up because a part of her needed someone to support her. Tom also is the oldest and definitely has firstborn syndrome so I think he, just being Tom, stepped up to the plate to be there for his siblings because at his core he's a protector. Little Tom would have gotten to the age when he realized how much his mom was doing and stepped in to do it with her, and I think at first she probably protested, but the relief of not having to do it all alone was probably overwhelming.

I think Eleanor and Tom have a really complicated relationship, but Tom definitely doesn't resent his mom for it, not at all. I think Tom understands, and that's why he's so protective of her and says she tried her best and makes sure Pete knows he never doubted that his mom loved him for even a nanosecond.

#sassy answers asks #i'll ride au #eleanor kazansky is a complicated woman #but she also did the best she could with what she had #and just because you don't SEE her yelling at her husband doesn't mean she doesn't #the kazansky's are old fashioned in the sense they don't fight in front of company #but mama kazansky isn't a pushover she just picks her battles #but yes nonnie you are correct she COULD do more and DOESN'T or maybe she just can't #(not me acting like I don't know her motivations lol) #anyway the point is pete endeared himself to eleanor in about .2 seconds because he stood up for tom #and tom's siblings love him to death but they're so used to him being their shield that it's never occurred to them to shield him back #his siblings take him for granted #but it's also complicated because parts of them resent him too #since tom is so “perfect” at first glance #whereas tom resents them right back because their dad is kinder to them than to him #and just imagine being a 20-something guy coming home from war to be a dad and your 10 year old you barely know is doing your job for you #so there is a long history of tension between them because the colonel is very stern and tom... isn't #not with his loved ones #and it would have pissed tiny tom off to no end when bill yelled at his siblings #meanwhile the colonel pushes tom the hardest because he sees tom's potential #but in treating tom like a subordinate and not a son he alienates him at every turn #anyway join me for #the kazansky family: a shit show in seven parts