#but like. i've been thru therapy and have learned some coping strategies

[sage-nebula]

your tags..ur right about nine not owning it to anyone and man,, thats what hurts the most to me... its just ouch... i love how his trauma is writen

It's really validating, tbh.

I won't go into details, but I was abused as a child / teen. And while in that environment I did what I could to minimize harm (unless I was purposefully redirecting it onto myself so that it wouldn't get turned on my dog), when I was outside that environment (e.g. the rare times I was in school) or when I left, my default reaction to any perceived threat was Fight. Someone told me to move on the bus because they wanted my seat? I gave them a library of curse words and threats and made it clear I was ready to follow through. Some guy kept annoying me even after I told him repeatedly that I was going to hurt him if he didn't stop? I grabbed him by the hair, slammed his head into a locker, and held him there until he started crying and I had blood under my nails. To be clear, this was not good. I was severely traumatized and was not put into therapy like I should have been, and as such had zero emotional regulation skills. I was 5'0", 70lbs of pure rage the second I saw anything as a potential threat / bully / harm. And when I did get in fights, I ended them as fast as possible.

So to have Nine's default be Fight? To have him be bullied and abused and decide, okay, he's going to build weapons to defend himself with, and he will use them, and he will prioritize his safety above all else no matter whose throat he needs to rip out to do it? Yeah, that's validating! Again, it's not good; he's severely traumatized and leaning hard into unhealthy coping mechanisms (familiar unhealthy coping mechanisms) as a result. But it's nice to, for once, see a trauma survivor who isn't an uwu timid flower. Because while some trauma survivors do fall into Flight or Fawn as their default, some also fall into Fight. And for any kids out there who are unfortunately in a situation like this, who decide that their default when they get bullied or harassed or abused is to start swinging fists (or office supplies because they're in the school library), I think it would be pretty validating for them, too. Although, again, hopefully they eventually get out of that situation and get some help, because none of this is healthy no matter how validating it is.

(And on the note of not owing anyone—yeah, see, because that's the thing. Obviously the one most at fault for the abuse is the abuser. But those who saw the signs and still did nothing are culpable, too. My neighbors who heard the screaming and did nothing, my teachers who saw me show up to school with no lunch and no lunch money and in clothes that reeked of cigarette smoke because my biomom smoked in the car with the windows rolled up and me inside, and this was on the rare occasion I was even sent to school to begin with and they still did nothing—yeah, they're culpable. They could've intervened, and they chose not to. I'm an adult now so I'm pretty much over it, but I understand Nine's anger toward a city that never helped him. They ignored his suffering, so why shouldn't he ignore theirs? It's not a heroic attitude to have, but when you've been through something like he has, being a hero is the last thing on your mind. And he's not wrong for that.)

#studioboner #sorry if this was TMI #but Nine made me feel Seen #sonic prime spoilers #miles nine prower #i don't know i say i ''was'' traumatized when I was actually diagnosed w/ CPTSD as an adult #when i finally was able to see a therapist #but like. i've been thru therapy and have learned some coping strategies #and am not NEARLY as violent as i once was #(tho if i got in a fight i would still strive to end it as fast as possible) #so like. maybe that's why. i don't know i'm just rambling now