#but just a couple days ago my nervous energy manager who's very quick to reprimand praised some of my qualities

[robinsnest2111]

augh the absolute need to be held and pet and showered with love and gentle praise is so STRONG tonight 😭

#just 3 hours ago i thought about how far i've come with being able to accept praise about me and my work etc. #just a couple years ago i physically recoiled and felt some dreadful emotion whenever someone praised me #because it felt so foreign and wrong. like i was deceiving them. because nothing about me could ever be worthy of praise!!!! #but just a couple days ago my nervous energy manager who's very quick to reprimand praised some of my qualities #and it didn't make me physically cringe/recoil like it would have in the past #and idk. just. thinking.about the possibility of letting myself be praised. recognising there are qualities about me being worthy of it #what a mindfuck. and now i'm thinking about it. #some praise. some tenderness. some softness. for me. i'm allowed to have that. it's okay for me to want that #the pain of not really getting it regularly. no hugs no cuddles no kissies no 'well done's.......... augh #i've not known softness for years and once I've had a glimpse and allowed myself to enjoy it... now the CRAVING is torturing me #because i don't get this anymore. the situation i live in doesn't allow for any of it in necessary amounts #i'm so starved for affection and positive attention it's sickening. idk how i've survived for this long honestly #holding out for a brighter future surrounded by more open kindness and softness and affection...