#but if anyone comes on here like 'you're only saying that cuz you're neurotypical' i will start biting.

[essektheylyss]

Safety tools for games are very well and good and if you and your group need them you should absolutely use them, but sometimes the way people talk about them feels like they are using those tools as a straight-up substitute for, like, working to develop interpersonal skills and the capacity for talking openly with friends.

#that post about 'you call yourself a community organizer but you haven't talked to your roommates in three months' #except it's about ttrpgs #like this is from a person with ADHD who did (and still sometimes do) have pretty severe RSD #and whose sister used to accuse people of cheating and/or straight up flip boards any time she wasn't winning a game #like especially if you find yourself needing to USE the safety tools often... #it might just be a point at which you have to say 'this is not the game environment for me' #and that does NOT need to reflect morally on you or those friends. some people's game styles just are not compatible. #not rebloggable cuz i know people are going to severely misinterpret me particularly if you're removing the context of #'i am also neurodivergent bro.' #not to say that I can comprehend every possible neurodivergent experience #but if anyone comes on here like 'you're only saying that cuz you're neurotypical' i will start biting. #also remembered that quote is from a chris fleming video so late and didn't wanna delete all of my tags to edit and then forgot to note it #but now i have. anyway. unimportant.

[queen-mihai]

I saw a post the other day saying basically that "you don't attract toxic people, they just attach themselves to everybody" and I decided now I want throw my own take in on that idea.

Cuz they're right. Toxic, narcissistic, mean, bigoted people who make disingenuous arguments; they glom themselves into any and every passer-by.

You and me, we get trapped in this relationships because, well, we're a little weird. Our neorodivergent tendencies might just drive a neurotypical person crazy, so they're mostly out. A huge amount of us are some flavor of queer, which puts cishet people on the margins. It's hard for introverts and extroverts to really meet in a meaningful way which really narrows down your list of choices, and that's before we even start to talk about personal preferences and personality types.

If I want a neorodivergent, queer, extroverted sapphic person in my life, just that alone puts me at a severe disadvantage in the dating pool in the area where I live

And then come the narcissists.

Now they play the role pretty decently. You need them to be queer? Hey queer might be a little fun. You need them to be silly and a little neorodivergent coded? Oh isn't everybody late to stuff sometimes? And how nice is it to have someone willing to have sex with you (if that's something you're into. If not, substitute "chill and cuddle on the couch with you" instead)

And slowly, the "nice" traits fade, and you find yourself stuck in an awful relationship, wrestling with the sunk cost fallacy.

Maybe you stay stuck. Maybe you end up single. If you're really lucky you find yourself someone who ACTUALLY matches what you were looking for, but by then, there's already damage done.

And the worst part is, unlike many other things in life, this has no clear answer. There's no obvious path forward or way out. I'm affected by this. Lots of us are affected by this. And we look for ways to change or improve in order to attract the right type of person, but in reality, there's a lot of circumstances out of our control.

Like geography. I get the feeling that some nonzero number of people here on Tumblr might may just have enjoyed the opportunity to date me. Problem is, as far as I know, there's hardly anyone on this hellsite within a thousand kilometers of me, mostly due to the fact that Tumblr doesn't seem to have a large userbase in Norway.

This isn't about me though, I'm saying that this is a problem I think a lot of us are facing. Trans girls in the US meet trans girls in the UK, but both countries are so mired in political nonsense and transphobia that those two girls may never see each other in real life. It's a shame too. There's a lot of beautiful stories being hampered by leaders too self-righteous to allow for that beauty to flourish.

And what we're stuck with is just "what we can find". Which really provides an enormous advantage to, guess who? Narcissists. Assholes. Dickheads. People whose only option in life is to glom onto as many people as possible and try to force something to stick.

I hope we can find a way through. I don't know the path, but I hope we keep trying