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#but I've played only the latest games so I'm able to look past it cause zelda manages to still be a really good character from the sideline
rotisseries · 5 months
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THAT’S SO COOL????? I’m not into video games but GOD they reincarnate and are in love every time??? princess and knight??? also I’ve been wanting to say this for ages but link is sooooo gender. you get it
so. they are in love in the sense that nintendo is queerbaiting me. queerbaiting me with a "straight" couple (they are lesbians). they are not canon they kissed only in the second ever zelda game when there was only the barest story and they were nothing more than pixel sprites and they have not been canon since. and because every game is technically a different link and a different zelda, each individual game varies on how shippable they actually are? like, I'm not very far through twilight princess yet but I've heard they're pretty much just coworkers in that one. the three latest mainline games though, they're like. they're pretty much canon in all but name like you could say it's platonic but like at that point you are running on loads of denial. the three latest mainline games are skyward sword, which is the first link and zelda, the start of the cycle. the plot ENTIRELY revolves around how much link loves zelda. cause they're best friends, hyrule as a kingdom doesn't even exist yet (they live on an island in the sky) she falls to earth and is running around having to discover that she's a reincarnated goddess (that's a whole angst factor btw bc the goddess (hylia) had to fight demise and she won but knew it was temporary and knew demise would have to be defeated again, and that he would need to be defeated with the power of the triforce, which can only be wielded by humans, so she decided basically that she'd need a loyal human knight, and so she reincarnated into a human girl because a girl is loved in the way a goddess isn't and she knew someone would love a human girl enough to save her WHICH HAPPENS so basically zelda gets to have an identity crisis was she just dragging link towards this destiny the whole time? did she truly love him? did he truly love her? are they puppets in this grand plan? "I'm still your zelda" she says to him, but is she??? drives me nuts) and he, ever loyal, keeps running after her to save her again and again and again (link is so dog coded there's a great botw fic about this), and then they defeat demise and he curses them and link is just some guy who went through ALL THIS SHIT cause he LOVED zelda. what if you were in love with your best friend and it cursed you and your descendants for the rest of time this is so francesca by hozier I'd tell them put me back in it I'd go through it again if i could hold you for a minute. and then the next two mainline games are breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom and breath of the wild involves an amnesia plot so you basically watch link fall in love with zelda a second time and then in tears of the kingdom they are. common law married. they share a house. there's only one bed. do NOT get me FUCKING STARTED on the hateno house. and nintendo still plays FUCKING COY zelda's english va has to be like "they... have a really close bond...." this is how I know they're queer you wouldn't do this with straight people. and then people also ship ocarina of time (most popular and well known game of the series most praised for its story) zelink a lot but that's an older game I haven't played yet so I can't speak on them. zelda is so transmasc in that one though this I know. I talk about link being genderqueer a fair amount and everyone on this internet knows link is trans but trust. zelink is t4t
#also I love that you said “princess and knight” like it's another awesome factor about them cause yes so true#but so many people are like “UGH the princess and knight trope🙄” LIKE YOU DON'T GET IT!!! IT'S ABOUT DEVOTION!!!#tbf the zelda plot is always that you have to save zelda and nintendo won't break out of this winning formula#so I suppose for a lot of people it just feels sexist and tired and whatnot#but I've played only the latest games so I'm able to look past it cause zelda manages to still be a really good character from the sideline#also. they're literally in love. um. why do you hate true love and soulmates#anyway TECHNICALLY they're not in love every time. cause. as I said. twilight princess#(also there's some zelda games that don't follow the standard plot (such as link's awakening which I've played its SO GOOD btw)#so there isn't. a zelda and ganon. so obviously no zelink there)#but whether or not they're actually romantically involved I do think it's critical that they are SO SO SO SO IMPORTANT to each other#in which case if they are genuinely just coworkers in twilight princess I do think that's a failing of twilight princess#ask#witch-of-aiaia#hi aiaia!#also. fun detail here. link is a silent protag and they tend to make him a bit of a blank slate in the games#so when I say zelink is in love I am simultaneously working with the bare ass minimum in regards to link#and yet also so so so much cause of the everything he does for her#zelda being a reincarnated goddess/from the line of a reincarnated goddess is so crazy insane to me btw#she's links patron goddess he's her ever loyal servant they're UGHHHHHH#I could talk forever about them. evidently. they're so important to me. only couple I've written fic for
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8. iSpy
Ivy sat in the cold Patient First having been screened for drugs via a urine test. She'd have to wait 24 to 72 hours in order to get her results. For the first time, she hoped they came back positive.
"You gone thank me," her mama, Renee', said raising from her seat in front of the high-fixed television. It was set to HGTV and on commercial break.
"Mhm," Ivy mumbled. She hadn't wanted to go the legal route after she'd seen Dr. Stevens sidestep getting arrested and realized that the cards were truly stacked against her. She wanted to make sure that Dr. Stevens truly understood not to fuck with her. He didn't seem to get that yet, but he would.
Ivy led the way through both sets of glass doors as she exited into the high heat to her silver Nissan, climbing into the driver's seat and leaving her door open to start the car and turn on the A/C. Her black seat cover helped her from burning her ass on the leather.
"Why is it still so hot out here, oh my godd," Ivy stressed. It was getting darker but the heat had not yet subsided. She was so tired of summer. The air was hot and thick, enough to drain a person, but her mom was truly from the south and hopped right into the passenger side closing the door, waiting for the A/C to circulate.
"It ain't that hot. Yesterday was hot. Close the door, Ivy, you letting the cool air out."
Ivy's arms were rested on the wheel, but she moved, dragging to shut the door.
"Ma, I'm so mad. I can't believe that nigga still allowed to practice after what he did. I can't be the only one who knows this man is a psycho." Sighing, she pulled out of the lot.
Renee' didn't respond right away, tapping on her phone. She was always on the phone with someone. If it wasn't her brother in Florida asking for money, it was someone at her church wanting to talk or someone her job who wanted her to cook or come somewhere with them. Renee' was the type to always be there for everyone even though she didn't get anything back.
The car whipped down the road towards the Ruby Tuesdays with Ivy lost in her thoughts. She didn't feel comfortable staying alone which is why she'd packed a bag and gotten escorted to her mom's place. Of course her mom wanted to whoop ass. She all but chased Officer Howard off of her property. Ivy shook her head. She agreed with her mama, Officer Howard was a disgrace to black women and she too hoped she fell in a deep ditch and broke her ankle.
"What," Renee' asked. Ivy looked over before shaking her head again
"Nothing." She hadn't realized she was smiling. It made her feel justified having her mama on her side.
"Lord, if I knew it'd be some shit I'd have kept you in Florida," Renee' sighed, tapping on her phone. "I thought moving out here to Cali would've been an upgrade."
"It was. It's not your fault people are crazy, just a bad situation. I still can't believe that bitch ain't believe me. That's why I hate the cops."
"Child, if they ain't murdering somebody, they ain't doing shit and there's no in between."
The conversation continued and when the car pulled up at Ruby Tuesdays, Ivy hopped out and led the way inside getting a booth for two.
"I've got your drinks, do you need time to look over the menu," the black waitress asked.
"We're ready to order. I'll take the ribs and crispy shrimp with dirty rice and mashed potatoes."
"Uh uh, lil girl! Get a vegetable!" Renee' peared over her glasses. Ivy ignored her, listening as she ordered the bourbon chicken with a sweet tea and no vegetables.
"You guys look just alike," the waitress paused with a smile.
"My daughter," Renee' clarified. Ivy had gotten her eyes and her height from her, but honestly her brother was the one who looked most like her mama. The two of them had the same face, his eyes were just hazel instead. Plus, he was taller.
"So how you came across this fool? When did all this really start?"
"Mama I don't know. That was the first time I'd ever seen him as far as I know, when I went in for my appointment. He had my information before then but that was it. I'd only spoken with his receptionist. I don't know when or how or why he picked me as a target. That's all I know."
Renee' stared as if Ivy wasn't sharing everything, but shared what she knew. Ivy wished she had the answers, but she didn't know what the dentist was playing at or if it was over. The ones who were supposed to help wouldn't believe her. According to Officer Howard, she even needed evidence for a restraining order. She didn't have it.
What she did have was a brain, two hands which knew how to swing, and a gun that she kept in the trunk. If it came down to it, she'd shoot his ass without blinking or thinking twice. She knew her mom would do the same.
---
Erik stepped from his home shower onto a white shower mat that turned blood red wherever water hit it. Right now it looked like there were two bloody footprints surrounded my droplets of blood. He loved that mat.
Wrapping his waist in a fluffy white towel, he looked himself over in the mirror grabbing his oil which sat under the sink on a gold colored tray next to a pristine metal pick and a bottle of Mane N' Tail Conditioner. A little castor oil on his beard, hairline, and mustache and he was looking good and well-kept. Putting the oil back where he took it from, he adjusted it do that the Sunny Isle label faced forward. He was very particular about his belongings.
He picked up his iPhone from the sink scrolling to and opening a little blue app called iSpy. Luckily, Ivy hadn't picked up on that fact that he'd installed it onto her phone or he may have been in a bit of trouble. The advertisements bragged on the app being undetectable. No matter how much Ivy searched through her device, she should never be able to find an indication of the app being there. Only he would know what he'd done and he'd have access to her 24/7.
Scrolling through the report of Ivy's past locations, he felt a sense of giddy mischief, smiling faintly as he bit on his thumb nail. He saw the address of his office and a photo of the outside. She'd been outside while the officer was questioning him, he already was aware. Ivy had also gone home. Her address was there along with a photo of her neighborhood. He'd driven by there once or twice before she'd come in for her appointment, but of course she didn't know that. He looked to see where else she'd been.
Her mother's house. He sighed. He'd never been there. She kept involving more and more people. First the cops, now her mother. She was going to force his hand, he knew it and he was so, so intrigued.
"Trying to avoid me," he mused aloud. "Won't work."
He scrolled down and saw a gas station and Patient First.
"SHIT," he yelled exiting the app. He had to call Araya. Quickly his fingers dialed her cell phone number listening intently as the phone rang twice. "Araya," he spoke when the line picked up.
"Dr. Stevens," she purred. "You don't typically call at this time unless you're looking for a little post-work fun or someone to do your dirty work," she spoke slyly. He could hear the smirk in her voice. She was going to need some tuning to put her back in her place.  "Which is it, doctor?"
"If you want a job tomorrow, you'll cut the shit and go to the address I'm sending you. My latest toy decided to get smart. I'm sure you can put two and two together. Make sure that test gets lost quickly I'll make it worth your while."
"What ya gonna gimme," she toyed.
This wasn't the time for her to go against him or play games.
"Your life.. I'll let you keep it despite the fact that I told you to watch her and you-"
"-Are in front of Patient First. As. We. Speak,"  Aren't we, Draya?"
"Hey boss," Draya spoke.
"Remember who the hell you're dealing with, Erik," Araya said boldly causing Erik's eyes to narrow. She was laying it on thick and if it were a different circumstance, he'd be extremely turned on. "I'm your number one bitch and you'd better not forget it."
The line went dead and he stared blankly at the phone.
"Hm," he mumbled dropping his towel. The bathroom was warm enough. Phone in his palm, he swiped through his apps with his middle finger, tapping iSpy. He could see that Ivy had left a Ruby Tuesdays somewhere close to her mother's home. It wasn't hard to guess where she'd be staying.
@goddessofthundathighs @panthergoddessbast @youreadthatright @forbeautyandlife @theunsweetenedtruth @bidibidibombaclaat @myboyfriendgiriboy @dameshaemonique @blackpantherimagine   @hidden-treasures21 @mysidefanting @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @syndrlla97 @winteroflife @thotyana-in-this-hoe   @texasbama @gingerylimonte @magic-madness-heavensin @wawakanda-btch @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @wakanda-inspired @blackgirloneshots @thegucciwaffle @thiccdaddy-mbaku @drsunshine97 @indigoxsummers @cccccx1  @dynastylnoire @iamrheaspeaks @blowmymbackout @they-call-me-le @theblulife @sheisexcellent @blackpinup22
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asexual--junpei · 3 years
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ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ You take the moon and you take the sun. ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) You take everything that sounds like fun. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ You stir it all together and then you're done. ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞
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Stay a while 'cause somethings always cooking.
Come on in, feel free to do some looking.
Stay a while 'cause somethings always cooking.
Yeah!!! ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
You are about to get spammed with 600 dank memes. Prepare all nukes and weapons for the Great Spam War. If you can contain the amount of spam I have, you will be granted with special powers that allow you to smoke weed 200 times harder. Not only that, but you will have a laggy as fuck laptop. You know how lucky you are?????? My laptop runs at 669FPS and it never lags or is slow. YOU LUCKY SON OF A GUN. You will pay the price by me giving you a link (Which shall contain a download) which will wipe all your memory off the face of this universe and overwrite it with my own software, Memesoftlocker2.0000.0. You are so damn lucky you know that? NOT EVEN I HAVE IT SLUT. But if you were able to read up to this point congratulations, you suck. But click this link www.mymom.;;;;;;/eeeeeeee.crash; and you will be taken to a memory erase phrase. You lucky slut, but you will get the best computer software ever that makes your computer lag so bad that you can't even use it. LIKE HOW AMAZING??? Yes, I promise you this is 420% legit. But if you spread this abusive software you have EARNED I will suck you off this living universe so be careful buddy. Now, Please stop reading this message as it ends now...
Excuse me? I find vaping to be one of the best things in my life. It has carried me through the toughest of times and brought light and vapor upon my spirit. You're just another one of those people who doesn't believe in chem trails and fluoride turning us gay. Your ignorance to the government is what makes you a sheep in today's society. Have fun being a slave to todays's system.
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I sexually Identify as a Gabe Newell. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of filling my wallet by dropping Steam Sales onto 12 000 games at once. People say to me that a person being a Newell is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I have 10 computers worth over 10k each in order to drop new Steam Sales every few days. From now on I want you guys to call me "Gabe" and respect my right to get rich fast and discount needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a profitophobe and need to check your wallet. Thank you for being so understanding.
We regret to inform you that the card titled "Mommy's Debit" has been declinded your latest purchases due to suspicous activities. To unlock your card for further use, please confirm your recent purchases with your local bank. The listing follows
- 1x Monster Horse Dildo 12' Lubricated Thrusters
- 3x Backdoor Sluts 9
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- 5x Bananas
- 1x Small Condom
- 2x Subscription to JakeChillz Minecraft stream
- 1x Deag's Rust Career
- 1x Gay Poster
Please respond back to us using your old email:
Thanks for your patience,
Wells All Mighty Lord Gabe.
Here in my garage, just bought this new lamborghini here. It’s fun to drive up here in the Steam Hills. But you know what I like more than single discounts? Steam Sales In fact, I’m a lot more proud of two new Steam Sales that I had to get installed to hold twelve thousand new discounts on Steam. It’s like what i say, “the more you discount, the more you earn.”
My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.
HEY RTZ, I’M TRYING TO LEARN TO PLAY RIKI. I JUST HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THE SKILL BUILD: SHOULD I MAX BACKSTAB LIKE YOU BACKSTABBED EG, SMOKESCREEN SO THEY MISS ME LIKE EG MISS YOU 70% OF THE TIME, OR PERMANET INVISIBILITY SO I COULD DISAPPEAR LIKE YOU DISAPPEARED FROM EG
I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
Gr8 b8, m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8, I'm str8 ir8. Cr8 more, can't w8. We should convers8, I won't ber8, my number is 8888888, ask for N8. No calls l8 or out of st8. If on a d8, ask K8 to loc8. Even with a full pl8, I always have time to communic8 so don't hesit8. dont forget to medit8 and particip8 and masturb8 to allevi8 your ability to tabul8 the f8. We should meet up m8 and convers8 on how we can cre8 more gr8 b8, I'm sure everyone would appreci8, no h8. I don't mean to defl8 your hopes, but its hard to dict8 where the b8 will rel8 and we may end up with out being appreci8d, I'm sure you can rel8. We can cre8 b8 like alexander the gr8, stretch posts longer than the Nile's str8s. We'll be the captains of b8, 4chan our first m8s the growth r8 will spread to reddit and like real est8 and be a flow r8 of gr8 b8, like a blind d8 we'll coll8, meet me upst8 where we can convers8, or ice sk8 or lose w8 infl8 our hot air baloons and fly, tail g8. We could land in Kuw8, eat a soup pl8 followed by a dessert pl8 the payment r8 won't be too ir8 and hopefully our currency won't defl8. We'll head to the Israeli-St8, taker over like Herod the gr8 and b8 the jewish masses, 8 million, m8. We could interrel8 communism, thought it's past it's maturity d8, a department of st8, volunteer st8. reduce the infant mortality r8, all in the name of making gr8 b8 m8.
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My name is Artour Babaevsky. I grow up in smal farm to have make potatos. Father say "Artour, potato harvest is bad. Need you to have play professional Doto in Amerikanski for make money for head-scarf for babushka."I bring honor to komrade and babushka. Sorry for is not have English. Please no cyka pasta coperino pasterino liquidino throwerino.
hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!
DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!
Hi, 4k player here who reported slahser. Slahser was our position 1 faceless void. He built a mek and had around 29 healing salves in his inventory. He would chrono both teams in the middle of a fight, salve his allies, pop mek, and proceeded to yell "SLAHSER'S WAY". We gave him position 1 farm so he could be a position 5.
Granted, his unorthodox build worked and carried us to victory but I still felt it deserved a report.
I owe my life to Arteezy. I got in a horrible car crash and i was in 6 month coma. The nurse switched to the Twitch channel to Arteezy's stream. I awoke from my coma and muted it.
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ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ RAISE YOUR DONGERS ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
(ง ͠ ͠° ل͜ °)ง ᴛʜᴇ ᴜɴsᴇᴇɴ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴅʟɪᴇsᴛ (ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง
▬▬ι═══════ﺤ As I ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴜʀᴀɪ sᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ sᴛᴏᴍᴀᴄʜ ᴀs I ᴡᴀs ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪᴛ sᴜᴅᴏᴋᴜ, I ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ᴘʟᴀʏ Cᴀsᴜᴀʟsᴛᴏɴᴇ... I ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ Kʀɪᴘ ᴡᴀs Nᴏʟɪғᴇ... ɴᴏᴡ I ᴀᴍ Nᴏʟɪғᴇ...ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʙʏᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴏᴅs (ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง (ง •̀_•́)ง ʏᴇᴀʜ sᴘᴀᴍ ɪᴛ! (ง •̀_•́)ง
(╭ರ_•́)\ Mr. Fors we politely ask for the program 'Plug-Dj" to be used in this live broadcast for alas we will stir up a ruckus (╭ರ_•́)
(̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄ ɴᴀᴍᴇ's ᴅᴏɴɢ. ᴊᴀᴍᴇs ᴅᴏɴɢ (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄
(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง I have been training since before I was born, and today is the day. Today is the day I spam. (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง
༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽YOU CAME TO THE WRONG DONGERHOOD༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽
༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ YOU PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽
༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༽ºل͟º ༽ YOU COPERINO FRAPPUCCIONO PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༽ºل͟º ༽
༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽You either die a DONG, or live long enough to become the DONGER༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽
༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ YOU ARRIVED IN THE INCORRECT DONGERHOOD, SIR༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*:・゚ clickty clack clickty clack with this chant I summon spam to the chat ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*:・゚
ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ. ʜᴀʀᴅᴇʀ, ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ, ғᴀsᴛᴇʀ, ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ .ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ
ヽ(◉◡◔)ノ I'M LOL FAN AND I HAVE DOWN SYNDROME ヽ(◉◡◔)ノ
(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ, ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴇᴍʏ (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง
(ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง LET ME DEMONSTRATE DONGER DIPLOMACY (ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง
(\ ( ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°) /) OUR DONGERS ARE RAZOR SHARP (\ ( ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°) /)
ヽ༼◥▶ل͜◀◤༽ノ RO RO RAISE YOUR DONGERS ヽ༼◥▶ل͜◀◤༽ノ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ ̿̿[} ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿^ Stop right there criminal scum! no one RIOTs on my watch. I'm confiscating your goods. now pay your fine, or it's off to jail. ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽ YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR BEING CASUAL. COME OUT WITH YOUR DONGERS RAISED ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽
(ง'̀-'́)ง DONG OR DIE (ง'̀-'́)ง
ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ raise your dongers ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ VOICE OF AN ANGEL ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ LETS GET DONGERATED ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ RAISE YOUR BARNO ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ "I have a dong" ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ - Martin Luther King Jr.
ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ OJ poured and candle lit, with this chant i summon Kripp ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
☑ OJ poured ☑ Candle lit ☑ Summoning the Kripp ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
ヽ༼ຈل͜O༽ノ ʀᴀɪs ᴜʀ ᴅᴀɢᴇʀᴏ ヽ༼ຈل͜___ຈ༽ノ
(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)งSuccubus release Kripp or taste our rage(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง
ノ(ಠ_ಠノ ) ʟᴏᴡᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ノ(ಠ_ಠノ)
ヽ༼Ὸل͜ຈ༽ノ HOIST THY DONGERS ヽ༼Ὸل͜ຈ༽ノ
ヽ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ノ Kripp you are kinda like my dad, except you're always there for me. ヽ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ノ
█▄༼ຈل͜ຈ༽▄█ yeah i work out
༼ ºل͟º ༽ I AM A DONG ༼ ºل͟º ༽
༼ ºل͟º༽ I DIDN'T CHOOSE THE DONGLIFE, THE DONGLIFE CHOSE ME ༼ ºل͟º༽
༼ ºل͟º༽ NO ONE CARED WHO I WAS UNTIL I PUT ON THE DONG ༼ ºل͟º༽
༼ ºººººل͟ººººº ༽ I AM SUPER DONG ༼ ºººººل͟ººººº ༽
┌∩┐༼ ºل͟º ༽┌∩┐ SUCK MY DONGER ┌∩┐༼ ºل͟º ༽┌∩┐
ζ༼Ɵ͆ل͜Ɵ͆༽ᶘ FINALLY A REAL DONG ζ༼Ɵ͆ل͜Ɵ͆༽ᶘ
<ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀᴇᴅ>
ヽ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ノIS THAT A DONGER IN YOUR POCKET?ヽ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ノ
༼ ͡■ل͜ ͡■༽ OPPA DONGER STYLE ༼ ͡■ل͜ ͡■༽
( ° ͜ ʖ °) REGI OP ( ° ͜ ʖ °)
(̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄ IM DONG,JAMES DONG (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄
(ง⌐□ل͜□)ง WOULD YOU HIT A DONGER WITH GLASSES (ง⌐□ل͜□)ง
ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ CUDDLE UR DONGERS ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) let me hold your donger for a while ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)
ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ง MY RIGHT DONG IS ALOT STRONGER THAN MY LEFT ONE ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ง
(✌゚∀゚)☞ May the DONG be with you! ☚(゚ヮ゚☚)
(⌐■_■)=/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿̿̿ ̿ ̿̿ ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ Keep Your Dongers Where i Can See Them ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ DUDE̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ PLEASE NO COPY PASTERONI MACORONI DONGERIN
( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°) Mom always said my donger was big for my age ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)
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Thats so cool! You should write a book or do a screen play
- mod santa
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8. iSpy
Ivy sat in the cold Patient First having been screened for drugs via a urine test. She'd have to wait 24 to 72 hours in order to get her results. For the first time, she hoped they came back positive.
"You gone thank me," her mama, Renee', said raising from her seat in front of the high-fixed television. It was set to HGTV and on commercial break.
"Mhm," Ivy mumbled. She hadn't wanted to go the legal route after she'd seen Dr. Stevens sidestep getting arrested and realized that the cards were truly stacked against her. She wanted to make sure that Dr. Stevens truly understood not to fuck with her. He didn't seem to get that yet, but he would.
Ivy led the way through both sets of glass doors as she exited into the high heat to her silver Nissan, climbing into the driver's seat and leaving her door open to start the car and turn on the A/C. Her black seat cover helped her from burning her ass on the leather.
"Why is it still so hot out here, oh my godd," Ivy stressed. It was getting darker but the heat had not yet subsided. She was so tired of summer. The air was hot and thick, enough to drain a person, but her mom was truly from the south and hopped right into the passenger side closing the door, waiting for the A/C to circulate.
"It ain't that hot. Yesterday was hot. Close the door, Ivy, you letting the cool air out."
Ivy's arms were rested on the wheel, but she moved, dragging to shut the door.
"Ma, I'm so mad. I can't believe that nigga still allowed to practice after what he did. I can't be the only one who knows this man is a psycho." Sighing, she pulled out of the lot.
Renee' didn't respond right away, tapping on her phone. She was always on the phone with someone. If it wasn't her brother in Florida asking for money, it was someone at her church wanting to talk or someone her job who wanted her to cook or come somewhere with them. Renee' was the type to always be there for everyone even though she didn't get anything back.
The car whipped down the road towards the Ruby Tuesdays with Ivy lost in her thoughts. She didn't feel comfortable staying alone which is why she'd packed a bag and gotten escorted to her mom's place. Of course her mom wanted to whoop ass. She all but chased Officer Howard off of her property. Ivy shook her head. She agreed with her mama, Officer Howard was a disgrace to black women and she too hoped she fell in a deep ditch and broke her ankle.
"What," Renee' asked. Ivy looked over before shaking her head again
"Nothing." She hadn't realized she was smiling. It made her feel justified having her mama on her side.
"Lord, if I knew it'd be some shit I'd have kept you in Florida," Renee' sighed, tapping on her phone. "I thought moving out here to Cali would've been an upgrade."
"It was. It's not your fault people are crazy, just a bad situation. I still can't believe that bitch ain't believe me. That's why I hate the cops."
"Child, if they ain't murdering somebody, they ain't doing shit and there's no in between."
The conversation continued and when the car pulled up at Ruby Tuesdays, Ivy hopped out and led the way inside getting a booth for two.
"I've got your drinks, do you need time to look over the menu," the black waitress asked.
"We're ready to order. I'll take the ribs and crispy shrimp with dirty rice and mashed potatoes."
"Uh uh, lil girl! Get a vegetable!" Renee' peared over her glasses. Ivy ignored her, listening as she ordered the bourbon chicken with a sweet tea and no vegetables.
"You guys look just alike," the waitress paused with a smile.
"My daughter," Renee' clarified. Ivy had gotten her eyes and her height from her, but honestly her brother was the one who looked most like her mama. The two of them had the same face, his eyes were just hazel instead. Plus, he was taller.
"So how you came across this fool? When did all this really start?"
"Mama I don't know. That was the first time I'd ever seen him as far as I know, when I went in for my appointment. He had my information before then but that was it. I'd only spoken with his receptionist. I don't know when or how or why he picked me as a target. That's all I know."
Renee' stared as if Ivy wasn't sharing everything, but shared what she knew. Ivy wished she had the answers, but she didn't know what the dentist was playing at or if it was over. The ones who were supposed to help wouldn't believe her. According to Officer Howard, she even needed evidence for a restraining order. She didn't have it.
What she did have was a brain, two hands which knew how to swing, and a gun that she kept in the trunk. If it came down to it, she'd shoot his ass without blinking or thinking twice. She knew her mom would do the same.
---
Erik stepped from his home shower onto a white shower mat that turned blood red wherever water hit it. Right now it looked like there were two bloody footprints surrounded my droplets of blood. He loved that mat.
Wrapping his waist in a fluffy white towel, he looked himself over in the mirror grabbing his oil which sat under the sink on a gold colored tray next to a pristine metal pick and a bottle of Mane N' Tail Conditioner. A little castor oil on his beard, hairline, and mustache and he was looking good and well-kept. Putting the oil back where he took it from, he adjusted it do that the Sunny Isle label faced forward. He was very particular about his belongings.
He picked up his iPhone from the sink scrolling to and opening a little blue app called iSpy. Luckily, Ivy hadn't picked up on that fact that he'd installed it onto her phone or he may have been in a bit of trouble. The advertisements bragged on the app being undetectable. No matter how much Ivy searched through her device, she should never be able to find an indication of the app being there. Only he would know what he'd done and he'd have access to her 24/7.
Scrolling through the report of Ivy's past locations, he felt a sense of giddy mischief, smiling faintly as he bit on his thumb nail. He saw the address of his office and a photo of the outside. She'd been outside while the officer was questioning him, he already was aware. Ivy had also gone home. Her address was there along with a photo of her neighborhood. He'd driven by there once or twice before she'd come in for her appointment, but of course she didn't know that. He looked to see where else she'd been.
Her mother's house. He sighed. He'd never been there. She kept involving more and more people. First the cops, now her mother. She was going to force his hand, he knew it and he was so, so intrigued.
"Trying to avoid me," he mused aloud. "Won't work."
He scrolled down and saw a gas station and Patient First.
"SHIT," he yelled exiting the app. He had to call Araya. Quickly his fingers dialed her cell phone number listening intently as the phone rang twice. "Araya," he spoke when the line picked up.
"Dr. Stevens," she purred. "You don't typically call at this time unless you're looking for a little post-work fun or someone to do your dirty work," she spoke slyly. He could hear the smirk in her voice. She was going to need some tuning to put her back in her place.  "Which is it, doctor?"
"If you want a job tomorrow, you'll cut the shit and go to the address I'm sending you. My latest toy decided to get smart. I'm sure you can put two and two together. Make sure that test gets lost quickly I'll make it worth your while."
"What ya gonna gimme," she toyed.
This wasn't the time for her to go against him or play games.
"Your life.. I'll let you keep it despite the fact that I told you to watch her and you-"
"-Are in front of Patient First. As. We. Speak,"  Aren't we, Draya?"
"Hey boss," Draya spoke.
"Remember who the hell you're dealing with, Erik," Araya said boldly causing Erik's eyes to narrow. She was laying it on thick and if it were a different circumstance, he'd be extremely turned on. "I'm your number one bitch and you'd better not forget it."
The line went dead and he stared blankly at the phone.
"Hm," he mumbled dropping his towel. The bathroom was warm enough. Phone in his palm, he swiped through his apps with his middle finger, tapping iSpy. He could see that Ivy had left a Ruby Tuesdays somewhere close to her mother's home. It wasn't hard to guess where she'd be staying.
@honey-poooh @missshae @raysunshine78 @destinio1 @marvelmaree @honeytoffee @thickemadame @heykillmongerluhme @ghostfacekill-monger @killmongersmistress @soufcakmistress @eye-raq @goddessofthundathighs @blackpinup22
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