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themusingsofacurlyhairednerd · 7 years

Text

All My Friends Are Heathens; Part 5

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

TheSuperiorBlake: Everybody still alive?

Trikru: It’s been 6 days

I can’t sleep anymore

Haven’t eaten in nearly a day

IF I HAD HAIR IT WOULD BE FALLING OUT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

Guns&Roses: lolololololololol

Greenbean: Jasper has gone days without a phone guys

He’s starting to get eye twitches

He’s in the corner muttering to himself under a blanket right now

I think we should call somebody about this.

TheSuperiorBlake: it’s not MY fault the freckled wonder had jasper’s phone in his pocket when he fell of Clarke’s roof.

HeadbandWonder: jasper’ll be fine

MillertheKiller: oh bellamy “fell” did he?

Is that the story we’re going with now?

TheSuperiorBlake: shut ur face Miller!! We have plausible deniability. That party was crazy! No one saw us do anything.

Trikru: except for ur bro

‘cause u know

U PUSHED HIM OFF A ROOF BABE!

TheSuperiorBlake: don’t u text me with that tone

Bellamy didn’t even get a good look at my face

it could have been echo for all he knows

Greenbean: then explain why he hasn’t talked to us in nearly a week

MillertheKiller: midterms?

TrashPrince: we already had midterms u donut hole

MillertheKiller: what did u just call me?

TrashPrince: raven has banned me from cursing

she says if she wanted to date a sailor she would have moved in with Luna and gotten a boyfriend from whatever that stupid beach college is over there

If I curse she gets to pick the movie on movie night

AND SO HELP ME GOD I WILL NOT WATCH ANOTHER DOCUMENTARY ON HOW TO FUEL A CAR WITH POOP!

Guns&Roses: did u say fill a car with poop?

TrashPrince: FUEL U BLOCKHEAD FUEL

Trikru: murphy, I’m getting a feeling u need to go back to Luna for anger management therapy

TrashPrince: I DON’T NEED THERAPY YOU TRASH CAN HEAD

I ONLY NEEDED IT THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE U MONKEYS PISS ME OFF ON A REGULAR BASIS

I’LL PROBABLY DIE OF A HEART ATTACK AT 30 BECAUSE OF YOU DEMONS

i-make-it-go-boom: baby we’ve talked about this

TrashPrince: I HOPE U LIKE DATING ME WHEN I’M FAT FROM ALL THE STRESS EATING U HAVE CAUSED ME REYES

HeadbandWonder: how long have u been watching ur mouth for?

i-make-it-go-boom: 10 minutes

TheSuperiorBlake: chill murphy

TrashPrince: I’M ALWAYS CHILL U SPAWN OF SATAN

HeadbandWonder: debatable

*Iliad & NurseGriffin group chat*

NurseGriffin: how’s the ankle?

Iliad: better than my pride tbh

NurseGriffin: u really twisted it falling off the roof :(

Iliad: Relax, Princess, I’m not gonna sue. ;)

NurseGriffin: Speaking of legal action, what are we going to do about our children? I saw Monty in the hall and as soon as we made eye contact he burst out crying.

Iliad: Monty’s just a pawn in all of this.

That sweet summer child has been brainwashed by my villainous sister into doing her bidding.

NurseGriffin: and the others?

Iliad: Unfortunate accessories.

NurseGriffin: do u have a plan to get back at them? The silent treatment might be working now, but eventually, they’re going to pop back into our lives like little mountain trolls if they think we’re not going to punish them.

Iliad: they can start by cleaning your house

NurseGriffin: they can buy me a NEW house for all the damage -_-

Iliad: either option will take some careful planning.

They’re not going to clean anything up without being bribed.

They barely clean their own dorms.

Hell, I still do Octavia’s laundry.

And Murphy’s, which is now Raven’s since their an item.

I think I’ve got a bag of Jasper’s socks in the trunk of my car...which would explain the smell of death coming from the back seat...

Clarke, be honest, how long have I been the Mom friend?

NurseGriffin: How long has your dad been gone?

Iliad: Let’s see...

Octavia’s 21...

I’m 24...

Oh right. Always.

NurseGriffin: And how long was your Mom working double shifts to pay rent before she died?

Iliad: Forever and a day.

NurseGriffin: So the answer to your question Bellamy Bradbury Blake, is always. You have always been the Mom friend.

Iliad: Don’t you bring Bradbury into this.

He was my emo stage.

LET IT DIE CLARKE!

LET IT DIE!

NurseGriffin: kinda feeling like posting a tbt pick of good old Bradbury with the leather jacket and NO SHIRT ON UNDERNEATH

Iliad: I swear to God Clarke if you bring that picture out again I will share the poem you wrote for me in the 7th grade to Facebook!!

NurseGriffin: that poem wasn’t for u!!

It was for Wells!

I was having ur nerdy ass proof read it for me

AND U LAUGHED AT ME FOR IT!!

Iliad: You are many things, Princess, but Shakespeare you are not.

NurseGriffin: i hate u

Iliad: u love to hate me

That’s our thing

NurseGriffin: maybe i hate u will be our always ;)

Iliad: I hate you

NurseGriffin: <3

*Blake Siblings Chat*

Iliad: “ Ah me, my child, your birth was bitterness. Why did I raise you? If only you could sit by your ships untroubled, not weeping, since indeed your lifetime is to be short, of no length. Now it has befallen that your life must be brief and bitter beyond all men's.”

TheSuperiorBlake: why are u like this?

Iliad: That’s a long list.

*Operation Bellarke Group Chat*

TheSuperiorBlake: guys bellamy is pissed!!

He’s quoting the Iliad at me again.

Trikru: good-bye my love

Our story was all too brief

May we meet again

HeadbandWonder: amen

*The Blake Siblings chat*

Iliad: I have my terms if you and your delinquent friends want to meet at a neutral space to discuss them.

TheSuperiorBlake: if we refuse?

Iliad: 1) Suddenly you’ll find that you--all of you--have $300 of overdue library fines

2) Your dirty laundry will be dumped on the lawn of your sorority house for all to see. This is not just for you. I have several pairs of Murphy’s underwear that I highly doubt he wants the world to see.

3) Officer Kane will get an anonymous tip that the abandon warehouse on Arkadia drive is being used for a party house every 3rd Saturday of the month.

TheSuperiorBlake: U WOULDN’T

Iliad: Have you met me?

TheSuperiorBlake: yes

ur a push over

AND AFRAID OF UR FEELINGS AND WE R NOT MEETING UNTIL U ADMIT TO CLARKE THAT U LOVE HER!!!

*Operation Bellarke*

Greenbean: $300 IN LIBRARY FINES???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MillertheKiller: somebody pls help!

Monty is crying all over my new leather couch

HE WON’T STOP

HE JUST KEEPS SCREAMING ABOUT LIBRARY FINES

TrashPrince: SON OF A &^%$!

WHICH ONE OF U TURD MUFFIN MOUNTAIN TROLLS LEFT MY COOKIE MONSTER BOXERS ON UR LAWN?!?!?!

I STG OCTAVIA IF IT WAS U I WILL END U

IN A CRIMINAL WAY

WITH A BASEBALL BAT THAT WOULD MAKE NEGAN PROUD

U GLAZED DONUT!!

HeadbandWonder: raven u want to translate that?

is a glazed donut a bad thing?

i can’t tell if Murphy is just listing things he’s stress eating or attempting to curse.

TrashPrince: shut up u basket head

i’m pissed off!!

my underwear is all over instagram!!!

MillertheKiller: oh were we not supposed to post the pic lincoln sent?

TrashPrince: @#$@%^&%#%#@$^(*()&!$%^&*)*^%##$%^$#!!!!!!!!

Trikru: i think we broke him

i-make-it-go-boom: ECHO JUST TEXTED ME!!!! THE COPS FOUND OUR PARTY HOUSE!!!!!

Trikru: the warehouse??????

i-make-it-go-boom: yep

Guns&Roses: isn’t that the place jasper grows his weed?

i-make-it-go-boom: yep

MillertheKiller: who’s the rat?!

TheSuperiorBlake: guys

I think it’s time we met up with Bellamy

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