#because god I am NOT looking forward to hearing it all though Kä summer camp

[shirtlessradfahrer]

So what do you do when your favourite rapper makes a catchy song about the hardships of life that you want to love but upon release can’t connect with at all and after a few listens almost outright dislike because none of the pain and hardship life has put you through has ever made you a better person or given you the energy/motivation to do better and it actually just did the complete opposite and you’ve lost out on precious years of your life and so many opportunities while trying to process the trauma and undo the damage

But everyone else seems to love the song to the point that you start to wonder if maybe you’re just a fucking idiot for not being able to make something good out of said trauma and hardship instead of just being filled with crippling anxiety and depression and bitterness and grief and rage

#käärijä #yes this is about ruoska #the mental health tanked again this week #sorry to put my ramblings in the main tag but I need someone to tell me I’m not insane for being so uncomfortable with the song #I’ve been nervous to say my full thoughts because people loved it so much and I didn’t want to rain on their parade #and the umk performance and mv were genuinely well done #but it just really hurts #if the metaphorical whip that hurt me was a tangible item I’d fucking shred the thing to pieces #and then burn the remains #so that no one else could ever suffer the same way again #it didn’t push me through life #it made me want to give up on it completely #I’ve been at my happiest and most driven and most fulfilled when I finally got a fucking break from it #one of the opening lines about sitting at the gas station actually triggered a really fucking bad memory I would have loved to forget #it fucking sucks because his songs have brought me so much happiness #a kind I haven’t felt in a long time #and then there’s….this #if nothing else I wanted to love it for Erika’s sake #but I just can’t #am I just misinterpreting the lyrics? #or projecting too much #I probably am #because god I am NOT looking forward to hearing it all though Kä summer camp #and i hate that