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lilith-lovett · 5 years

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Found Families - Home is Where the Hart is - Chapter Three

Third chapter. Here it is, this chapter has definitely been my favourite to write so far because I love family dynamics so if anyone has any fic recommendations I would greatly appreciate them to help me through my upcoming exams.

Masterlist

Summary: A look inside the Hart household.

Word Count: 5483 (I’m so sorry this is so long I got a little bit carried away)

Warnings: Child abuse mention, self-deprecation, homophobic parents mentioned, anxiety, ADHD, depression, PTSD, OCD, therapy mention, minor panic attack, blood mentioned, sympathetic Deceit. If anything needs to be added please let me know.

Patton Hart. His name suited him, thinking more with his heart rather than with his head. He had always been a empathetic person feeling much more deeply than most. Back then, he had been a sensitive and fragile boy constantly seeking out his parents approval but now since they revealed to him how they truly felt about him he changed. He was no longer that delicate, helpless boy but a man who now had a family of his own to care for. No partner, as his parents would have expected of him but three extraordinary kids who he loved whole-heartedly despite them not being of blood but yet their connection was undeniable. Patton loved his famILY.

Patton upon opening his front door after his visit to the Orphanage was met immediately with his two year old Declan sprinting - as fast as a two year old could - full force towards him. His mismatched heterochromic blue and hazel eyes sparkling with joy as he threw his tiny body into Patton’s stomach knocking him onto his behind burrowing face sticky with jam - Crofters most likely - into Patton’s chest clearly pleased to see him.

“Hiya Dee, did you miss me?” Patton said ruffling Dee’s inky black curls as the toddler purred beneath his touch but not failing to notice that he was still dressed in his green and yellow coloured snake printed pyjamas despite it nearing three o’clock in the afternoon.

“Dee missed daddy,” Dee mumbled stumbling slightly over his words still not fully confident with his slowly developing speech “Up up,”. Finally meeting Patton’s gaze making grabby gestures with his mitten-clad hands which prevented him from scratching and irritating the large, painful burn scars stretching down his entire right side including a portion his face.

“Okay, up you go,” Patton said lifting Dee with minimal effort balancing the toddler on his hip “Did you have fun with Uncle Emile?”. He received mischievous giggles in response and felt instant sympathy for his best friend. Dee was certainly a handful and chasing an energetic two year old around the house for any length of time definitely required a lot stamina and endurance something which Emile did not have.

Patton with Dee balanced on his hip he trudged his way into the messy living room with toys strewn across the floor, the furniture out of place and his best friend Emile sprawled across the sofa fast asleep snores and grunts escaping every so often and in his hand what appeared to one of many cup of coffee evident from the several used mugs sat on the coffee table. Looking visibly dishevelled from his unexpected play-filled day with Dee his shirt crinkled, tie undone hanging limply from his neck, trousers stained red presumably with Dee’s favourite jelly and his pink highlighted locks an unruly mess unused to the demanding nature of young children, taking the lukewarm coffee from his hands Patton jostled his friend who woke with a jolt rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“Oh hey Patton,” Emile mumbled his voice still heavy with sleep stretching his arms over his head Patton audibly winced at the sound of the pops and clicks of his spine, Emile pushed himself off of the sofa drawing up to his full height a few inches above Patton exhaling a sigh of relief at the sight of him.

Patton and Emile had been the best of friends ever since their school days, spending more time with Emile’s family than his own and after he was kicked him out because he came out as pan-sexual to his less than supportive parents Emile was the one he ran to for help. He gave him a place to stay supporting him until he finally found his footing and even now was still figuring out ways to repay Emile and Emile’s parents for their kindness during the most difficult time in his life. Patton didn’t think he ever could.

“Have fun today Emile?” Patton chuckled gesturing to his scruffy appearance and considerable number of cups of coffee sat on the table in front of him. Patton couldn’t comprehend how Emile could drink such large quantities of the bitter tasting liquid, he after a mere sip was vibrating with energy and it left a rotten taste in his mouth.

“Yes, me and Declan had lots of fun today, didn’t we Dee?” Emile said forcing a smile at Dee while attempting to neaten his appearance brushing both crumbs and stains from his clothes, scowling at the jam smears shaped like a tiny pair of hands on his trousers.

“Ucle Emmy fell asleep,” Dee chirped giggling at Emile’s mock look of hurt as he poked Dee’s stomach playfully careful not to aggravate his burns inducing further giggling. Patton couldn’t help grinning at playful encounter between his son and best friend, praying that he would continue experiencing moments like these with his family for many years to come.

“Demon child,” Emile muttered underneath his breath contrasting the minuscule smile that crept involuntarily upon his face. “So Patton how was the adoption day, which poor soul was unfortunate enough to catch your eye?”. He had only told a single person his plans regarding adopting again, that person being Emile, unintentionally but ultimately he was glad he did. It had always been a dream of his to become a father and now that dream was a reality though not in the way he anticipated it but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

“Oh Emile, he is incredible his name is Logan and he is so smart and mature and the way his face lit up when he was talking about his books. My god Emile I love him so much already,” Patton rambled on and on about Logan. It was obvious the moment he met him he was the one simply by the look in his eyes, his straightforward attitude and the subtle glimmer in his eye made Patton believe he was worth it but he had walls. Walls built to protect himself from strangers preventing anyone from getting to close which made Patton all the more determined to care for him. “But…he reminds me of Virgil,”.

“He has a past,” Emile said lowering his voice to a whisper not to disturb Dee who had buried himself beneath a mountain of blankets undoubtedly exhausted from his busy day. His former light-hearted jokey nature faded away replaced by professionalism and an earnestness, Emile’s therapist mode as Patton liked to refer to it but yet a faint smile could be seen on his face acting as a solace to Patton.

“I think so, he made himself bleed in an attempt to stop himself from talking which triggered a sensory overload, like the ones Virgil had but I barely had to do anything to calm him down It looked like he had dealt with them before,” Patton explained struggling to prevent the audible tremble in his voice. He knew the moment he approached the apathetic looking boy sat reading, isolated from the rest of the children that starting a conversation wouldn’t be easy but once he eventually opened up upon the mention of his book all of the previous awkwardness was worth it to witness Logan’s eyes light up but that light died as quickly as it appeared, when Logan silenced himself Patton’s heart cried out for the boy. He dug his nails into his cheeks so ferociously Patton feared he may draw blood but once he clamped his hands over his ears and his breathing rapidly accelerated he knew immediately he was going into sensory overload. Patton was no stranger to the condition through Virgil’s own experiences though nowadays they were infrequent but however still happened on rare occasions so he was familiar with the steps to helping someone going through it though his assistance rarely required, he simply added extra weight in the books on Logan’s lap and Patton’s cardigan around his shoulders acting as grounding methods but Logan recovered primarily on his own puzzling Patton as for Virgil it often took up to half an hour to settle him after an overload however for Logan he returned to his cool composed state in a matter of minutes, mask washing over his face once again almost appearing embarrassed by the episode as if handling attacks like these alone were common.

Patton’s breath hitched and this time it did not go unnoticed by Emile who immediately swung into action enveloping him in a warm embrace knowing Patton responded much better to physical touch and reassurance to verbal, stroking his back with one hand, gently caressing his curls with the other until his breathing returned to normal but he made no move to push away remaining firmly engulfed in Emile’s arms.

“I just want to protect him Emile, he deserves a family,” He murmured into Emile’s chest, his eyes stung with tears but he refused to allow them to fall so to not alarm Dee. Patton had a weakness for children in difficult situations and circumstances and had an overwhelming urge to protect the people in his life and now it was Logan’s turn for someone to care for him no matter how rocky the path was.

“I know you do and you will,” Emile replied resting his chin atop Patton’s head “but please don’t forget to take care of yourself, after Virgil and Dee…I never want to see you that way again,”. Emile hands which had settled on Patton’s shoulders gripped him tightly as if he feared he may disappear like he almost did back then.

“You don’t need to worry about little old me,” Patton said plastering a smile across his face in attempt to comfort Emile, raising his hands to rest on Emile cheek brushing his thumb across the patch of freckles dusted on his cheekbones. He didn’t need anyone else worrying about him, it was his duty as a father to care for his family which included Emile.

“I’ll always worry about you little brother,” Emile reminded Patton. Patton and Emile considered each other family neither of them had any siblings of their own so now called themselves brothers.

“We are the same age kiddo,” Patton said though they certainly didn’t look it. Patton had consistently had a baby face never quite growing out of it while Emile flourished into adulthood much sooner.

“And yet you still call me kiddo,” Emile quipped.

“I call everyone kiddo, okay compromise I’ll let you call me your little brother if you let me call you kiddo. Deal?” He proposed stretching out a hand towards Emile.

“Fine deal,” Emile sighed taking Patton’s hand begrudgingly “Little brother,” A mischievous smirk playing on his lips. Patton rolled his eyes knowing he would soon regret that decision. “So, will you be telling Roman and Virgil they may be receiving a new brother?”. Patton initially wanted to keep his intentions to adopt again secret especially from his children until he was absolutely certain on whichever child he chose being the correct fit for his family which now didn’t seem so distant any more.

“Not yet, I’m sure if I told them Roman would instantly try and talk me out of it,” Patton said glancing to the collection of pictures frames decorating the once empty mantel place specifically to the smallest hidden partially behind the others of the first night with Virgil and Dee, nobody was looking at the camera Roman and Virgil who hadn’t ceased in their bickering since they arrived home and once Patton believed they had finally reached a compromise he brought out the camera hoping capture their first night together as a family but however he wasn’t quick enough before Virgil caught him immediately turning away from the camera concealing his face with his hoodie sleeve, Roman arms folded across his chest pouting and Dee attached to his half-brother’s leg refusing to part from him. It wasn’t the first family portrait he’d expected but it was perfect though Roman still hadn’t forgiven him for showing the picture to his Roman’s friend Elliott Sanders on his first ever sleepover. Roman had been an only child for so long and then he all of a sudden had two younger brothers which he took time adjusting to and it required him witnessing one of Virgil’s more severe panic attacks for him to at long last recognise him as his little brother but yet telling Roman he may perhaps be receiving a another brother he would surely oppose.

“Well don’t keep them in the dark for to long,” Emile said stepping over toys towards the window “And speak of the devil,”. Emile pointed towards the school bus steadily approaching the bus stop located outside the Hart house where Roman and Virgil would soon be getting off.

“Hey Dee, Virge and Ro are home,” Patton spoke softly shaking the sleeping toddler awake, well aware if he allowed him to sleep any longer he wouldn’t sleep tonight but he shot up instantly at the mention of his brother’s names making beeline for the door to greet them.

A short while later Patton’s eldest Roman aged twelve and his middle child Virgil aged ten arrived home squabbling as usual.

“You just have to seize your moment my chemically imbalanced romance,” Roman proclaimed dramatically as he often did, practically vibrating with energy his ADHD medication presumably having worn off. Gesturing wildly with his arms resulting in Virgil having to duck out of the danger zone to avoid getting struck in the face by a flailing arm, grimacing at the nickname.

Roman was the first to be adopted by Patton soon after he got back onto his feet with a well-paying job and his own home,adopting a child was simply the final piece of the puzzle of his dreams. Roman had been a rambunctious six year old given up by his biological mother at birth and had been floating within the foster system ever since. They had an instant connection with their shared love of all things Disney and silly puns that no one other than this six year old child seemed to appreciate but his seemingly never-ending supply of energy and inability to sit still regularly got him into a lot of trouble however to Patton he was perfect and simply a child who required an outlet for his creative energy, which he found in theatre kick-starting his passion for performing. Roman now apart of a local children’s theatre, had starred in numerous plays from well-known musicals to Shakespeare remakes and had obtained a small fan-following as a result and of course Patton attended every performance. With only a few short months until Roman blossomed into an angsty teenager, Patton had noticed some recent changes in him particularly in his appearance. His former auburn waves were now slick with styling gel and his clothing choices progressing from costumes - he assured Patton he was much to old for now - to whatever the latest trends were, most recently an all white ensemble beneath his red bomber jacket embellished with gold stitching and crown he’d asked Patton to add for him not completely abandoning his princely persona. Though Patton always thought Roman looked stylish his son didn’t seen to think the same of him, often embarrassed by his attempts to be ‘fashionable’ and had taken the challenge upon himself to dress Patton whenever they were to be seen in public together which Patton didn’t mind finding he quite liked Roman’s style suggestions but would always find a way to put his own Patton twist on it.

“What like you? I don’t think so sir-sing-a-lot,” Virgil quipped in his usual fashion, sinking further into his oversized back hoodie, cramming his gloved hands concealing his own burn scars into his pockets, music blaring out of his headphones which hung loosely around his neck playing some obscure band Virgil idolized immediately making his way to the kitchen shoulders hunched, his clenched jaw and closed off attitude was evidence that his anxiety levels were clearly on a high.

Virgil and Declan, Patton had been adopted from the same Orphanage as the two were half-brothers from the same abusive household and refused to be separated. Virgil, seven years old had been taking care of his eight month old brother Dee virtually since he was born but because of their complex situation they were relocated every few months, never remaining in one home for two long before both were sent away once again. Their first meeting didn’t go as effortlessly as Roman’s had, originally Patton had intended to adopt one child. A plan which had been thrown out of the window the minute he met Virgil who had been involuntarily forced into meeting Patton and undoubtedly irritated by the whole situation and once the two were left alone together Virgil made his frustrations known shouting and swearing before fleeing, saying that Patton was shocked would be an understatement and nearly walked out there and then but had a change of heart upon learning about Virgil’s troublesome past and his tenderness towards his younger brother. Virgil and his brother deserved a family and Patton would be the one to give one to them. So Patton came back the following day requesting a session with both brothers which went about as well as anticipated but once Patton put his mind to a task he wouldn’t be discouraged so easily, it took time and patience but they were worth it. Dee adapted to the new environment without any trouble presumably due to his young age and minimal memories of his past family but Virgil who had a severe mistrust of adults and to Patton’s knowledge at the time received the brute of his parents abuse took much longer to adjust but as time passed he gradually opened up but this wasn’t the beginning of Virgil’s problems, as a result of his trauma he had developed several mental disorders affecting his daily life he only had officially diagnosed and treated - a few different anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, insomnia and PTSD - a few months ago after suggesting he go to see a therapist for his worsening anxiety and panic attacks and though progress is slow there has been a steady improvement and he is now much more open especially with his feelings. Virgil had retained his sarcastic attitude and stubbornness and had a rather unique sense of humour which Roman often became the victim of but beneath his tough outer exterior exemplified by his dark aesthetic and choice in clothing distressed jeans, band t-shirts and his patchwork hoodie all in his two favourite colour black and purple is a thoughtful and kind-hearted individual who managed to find his voice finally in music and poetry.

“Hiya kiddos, how was school?” Patton asked as he did everyday when the boys arrived home from school though not failing to recognise Virgil’s heightened anxiety, positive Emile who was also Virgil’s therapist acknowledged his anxious energy too from their shared look of concern.

“It was splendid, in art today we finally got to make a start to our final paintings and of course I chose acrylic paint that was just a given,” Roman gushed rambling on and on about his day without pausing to take a single breath, enthusiastically motioning with his hands as he spoke. Excessive talking, one of Roman more prevalent symptoms. He’d made great improvement with his volume control and impulsiveness but he was excitable and passionate by nature and talking gave him an outlet to share his ideas though occasionally went a little overboard.

“Roman, remember to breath,” Patton spoke softly placing a gentle hand on Roman’s shoulder and the excited tension deflated as he released a breath he seemingly hadn’t realise he was holding but immediately averted his gaze to the floor shrinking in on himself, ashamed of his outburst.

“Sorry dad,” He mumbled fidgeting with the zipper on his jacket. A nervous habit of his.

“It’s alright Ro, I know your working on it. How about you tell me all about your painting at dinner tonight?” Patton proposed resulting in a complete turnabout a beaming smile stretching across his lips practically bursting at the seams with elation.

“Really, thanks padre,” Roman exclaimed a little too loudly as he bounded upstairs to where his room was, the skip returning to his step and Patton only smiled as he watched him go. Roman was Hispanic by descendant but living in an orphanage for the six years of his life, he had been brought up around English speakers and never had the opportunity to learn his native tongue but entering school had implanted the desire to learn the language and he threw himself into memorising as many words as he could. Patton had to admit he teared up a little at hearing Roman call him father in Spanish for the first time and it stuck.

“Virgil what about you?” Patton called out to an empty living room. Virgil, Dee and Emile all having disappeared relocating to the kitchen. Virgil sat cross-legged in his usual position on the kitchen counter for some reason having an aversion to chairs though Patton never questioned it and allowed him to perch on the counter if he joined them at the table for mealtimes, which he did begrudgingly. Dee settled himself in Virgil’s lap, plucking contentedly at the threads on his jeans while Virgil rested his chin on Dee’s head running his fingers through his curls breathing deeply matching each breath with the piano ballad now streaming through his headphones. While Emile sat at the dining room table with yet another cup of coffee flicking through some loose files peering at Virgil every so often his expression laced with concern. “Hey Virgil, how are you doing?”.

“Fine,” Virgil muttered into Dee’s hair. A common response whenever asked about his feelings in an effort to divert attention away from himself but from two years of learning to identify Virgil’s avoidance habits had given Patton the ability to navigate Virgil’s ever changing moods and mannerisms. Patton knew he was not ‘fine’ far from it.

“Virgil you know you can tell me anything right? Maybe talking about it might help,” Patton suggested gradually moving closer towards Virgil but making no move to touch him without his permission but decreasing the proximity between them allowing him to make the next move. Emile’s advice repeating in his head as he frequently resorted to physical reassurances which often only panicked Virgil further unless he actively seeks it out himself so he restrained himself from pulling his dark strange son into his chest to console him, waiting patiently for Virgil’s response.

“Um…well…I…I postponed my presentation again,” Virgil stuttered disappearing further into his hoodie as if to hide away allowing his inky black bangs to fall over his grey eyes. This ominous presentation had been looming over Virgil’s head for weeks causing nothing but stress and anxiety for him but the presentation was compulsory and despite the support and resources offered by the school it did little to quell his panic. “I…I was going to do it b-but the moment I stood up and everyone eyes were on me…I…I,” Virgil gripped his own hair curling further in on himself his breathing growing more rapid and erratic as he stuttered the words out as he recounted the event, his increased distress had not surpassed Dee’s notice. The youngest manoeuvred himself now facing Virgil placing his mitten-clad hands against Virgil’s chest as he had presumably seen Patton do before in order to regulate his breathing, his large eyes staring up at his brother with a combination of concern and confusion but it warranted a weak laugh from Virgil as he inhaled a shaky breath exhaling once before repeating the action until his breathing slowed enough for him to continue. During the time Emile had appeared next to Patton placing a comforting hand on his shoulder now much closer to Virgil allowing him to step in if need be, Patton simply watched the two brothers interacting able to read each other feelings without words a lump forming in his throat. It never got easier witnessing Virgil’s panic attacks, powerless to prevent them and only able to guide him through each one as they occurred but was increasingly grateful for Emile’s presence unsure of his ability to restrain himself from attempting to console Virgil himself. “I ran…I didn’t know what else to do…I just had to get out, I ran to the restroom…I tried to do that counting thing but nothing worked but then Princey showed up out of nowhere and helped me out of it,”. Virgil glanced over to where Patton and Emile were standing but peered over Patton’s shoulder at something behind them, Patton turned and was surprised to see Roman standing completely silent in the archway having replaced his red bomber jacket for his favourite red sash draped across his torso his sketch pad and an assortment of art supplies held to his chest.

“Of course Vir…eh J.D-lightful, it is my sworn duty as a Prince to rescue damsels in distress,” Roman proclaimed striking one of his many signature poses but Patton didn’t fail to miss his initial bashfulness and in that moment his heart swelled with pride. Roman and Virgil were polar opposites and determined to forever despise each other but yet slowly but surely they were learning to tolerate each other accepting their faults and figuring out that they aren’t so different after all.

“Whatever you say Princey but thanks,” Virgil said a small yet sincere smile creeping onto his face unfurling himself wrapping his arms gently around Dee now happily babbling away. “Thank you too Dee,”.

“Do you feel better Virgil?” Patton asked his heart warming at the sight of Virgil’s rare smile.

“Yeah I do, thanks dad,” He said hoping down from his perch lowering Dee to the floor and shuffled apprehensively towards Patton but he knew exactly what Virgil was asking for, he opened his arms allowing Virgil to close the space then wrapping his arms around Virgil’s narrow frame not too tight to feel as if he were suffocating him but enough for him to feel secure. Though Virgil made no move to hug him back Patton sensed his tension dissipating as he revelled in Patton’s touch and warmth before returning to perching on the kitchen counter.

“I’m proud of you Virgil. You were able to recognise you were panicking and calm yourself down,” Emile praised placing a gentle hand on Virgil shoulder. “And perhaps he could talk about this presentation in our next session and have a system set in place for if something like this occurs again. What do you think?”.

“Uh yeah sounds good, thanks Uncle Emile,” Virgil said his face flushing from the praise a stark contrast to his pale complexion winding the cord attached to his headphones around his hands.

“Patton duty calls, I have emergency meeting soon. So I will make myself scarce and Virgil I will see you next week for our session,” Emile said Virgil only nodded in response still self-conscious in regards to his weekly therapy sessions. As Emile was leaving he wrapped Patton in a quick hug before ruffling Dee’s hair who hummed gleefully in response and he left, the grumbling of his car could be heard outside as it exited his driveway.

Patton gathered Dee into his arms, his youngest immediately making a grab for his glasses resulting in Patton having to dodge his fast approaching hands reminding him that his glasses were not a toy receiving a dissatisfied whine. Virgil remained on his perch scrolling through his phone presumably on Tumblr the tween’s favourite social media sight though he didn’t give any indication of what he was he was smiling at on his phone but Patton didn’t pry trusting his son completely and Roman had assembled his art supplies at the dining room table fixated on the potential masterpiece he was working on in his sketchbook. Patton had an idea.

“It has certainly been a day. And the only suitable way to complete this day would be with a movie night,” Patton announced promptly gaining the attention of his children. Movie nights were cherished occasions within the Hart household as Patton held the belief that a night spent watching movies with your family could solve any problem and if not it certainly made everything a little easier. The entire family gathering on the couch beneath a pile of soft and fluffy blankets, various movie snacks - typically home-made cookies - and a heart-warming feel-good movie playing on the TV Patton couldn’t think of anything superior. Occurring typically twice weekly in a normal week but often unscheduled movie nights were arranged for a variety of reasons; if Virgil had a bad day, if Roman was stuck in a creative slump or if Patton was simply feeling worn down. A movie night was always the perfect solution.

Roman and Virgil expressions of elation were enough for Patton’s heart to summer-salute within his chest and they all immediately swung into action cleaning the chaotic living before they all settled down at the dining table -including Virgil - to a family-favourite of Patton’s extra special secret recipe for Spaghetti Bolognese, so extra special even the exceptionally picky eater Dee would tuck into with no complaints. Following their dinner Patton began the preparations for movie night preparing the traditional snacks while Roman and Virgil disputed over the movie choice and Dee snuggled up in the considerable number of blankets struggling to stay conscious but once the movie began - they ultimately chose a Frozen a favourite of all three Hart siblings - and barely half-way through the film when Anna began her journey to find her sister Elsa all three were fast asleep. Roman’s increasingly lanky limbs sprawled across Patton’s lap emitting occasional soft snores every so often, Virgil curled in on himself his hoodie drawn tight around his slight frame his music still flowing through his headphones allowing him to sleep easy and Dee nestled into his older brother chest Virgil’s arms gently drawing him in closer. Patton smiled immensely thankful that fate had granted him these three wonderful, beautiful, talented children there weren’t enough words in the English language to describe the warmth he felt within his heart and his one last wish was to add one more beautiful soul to complete the puzzle that is his dream and that missing piece was Logan.

But while Patton drifted off to sleep with a smile upon his face surrounded by the overwhelming love and affection of his children. Logan did not. He returned to his room beaten and broken, collapsing into his bed with an empty stomach, begging for an escape from the hell he was living.

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@i-do-not-dislike-fudge @poems-art-darkness-n-more @alex-cain

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#sander sides au #sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #deciet sanders #Emile Picani #sympathetic deceit #Adoption AU #Logic sanders #Morality sanders #creativity sanders #anxiety sanders #tw child abuse #tw anxiety

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