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coffee-for-himchan · 7 years

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Trust You With My Whole Heart (Himchan mafia/gang AU pt.2)

Word count: 7.8 k+ (wow, I sure got carried away)

Genre/warnings: Mafia/gang AU (May contain a swear word or two. Contains more violence and less smart talk than part one of the AU, but in my opinion, nothing too vivid or too excessive, even despite the described near-death experience and fight scenes)

Summary: He’d caught you, and you’d stayed simply because you didn’t have another choice. But all of the recent attention you’d been getting from him and all of the late night adventures outside the apartment he took you on made life more exciting and bearable, even to the point you found yourself wondering at the fact that you actually enjoyed it. All seemingly went uphill, that is, until one faithful night, when the person walking into the apartment to meet you late at night wasn’t Himchan, and when you weren’t the one who needed to be saved, having to be the savior yourself this time around.

(IMPORTANT A/N) First and foremost of, this is part two of this mafia AU I’d written recently. Since people asked for part two, and I had some ideas up my sleeve, I wrote it while I still had some inspiration to do so. I believe part two is still readable and understandable without knowing the events of part one, but some of the dialogue might seem weird, especially the talks that are based on previous events, so reading part one first would be advised. Also, even thought I’m still no medical expert, big thanks to my friend Aleksa who managed to answer to all of my very stupid questions about wounds, chances of survival in different cases of getting injured and what not else. I’m very glad I have smart friends who can prevent me from making stupid mistakes while writing, because I know none of this medicine stuff.

THIS IS PART 2 // PART 1 CAN BE FOUND HERE // PART 3 IS HERE // PART 4 IS HERE

His hand was holding yours tightly as you were walking down a small, dimly lit street, his fingers intertwined with yours. It had always amazed you how cold his hands were, and how you could never warm them up even if just a little bit. After all, he was a cold-hearted and cold-blooded gang leader, so maybe everything about him had to scream out "cold", even his hands. There were only few people who didn't view him according to this description, and you knew better than to be a fool just like many others who thought Kim Himchan was nothing but a tactical, intelligent bad guy, just like the ones always shown in the movies. Heartless and reckless, thinking about nothing but money and saving his own skin and bones. Yeah.. None of that was him.

He glanced over at you, barely turning his head so you wouldn't notice his sneaky stares. He'd bought you another dress, this time getting absolutely everything right - the color, the shape, the size. He was amazed by how well it suited you, and how only you managed to make the dress look better than it was before and not vice verse as it usually happened to other girls. Your necklace reflected light from the street lamps, shining brightly against your baby soft skin, and he had to try his hardest in order not to pull you into his arms in the middle if the street and bury his face in your chest, telling you how beautiful you were and how glad he was he had you. Your head was tilted up to face the sky, and recently you'd been gifting him with his favorite sight in the world, a sight he used to see only occasionally, but nowadays was able to witness more often than ever before - your smile. "What's so special about her anyways?" Jongup's words kept echoing through his head at moments like these, and he always ignored them because he really didn't know the answer. For some reason, from when he first saw you, his perception of women suddenly changed from what it used to be. They'd always been beautiful creatures to him that he never gave in to, and never thought of getting in business or contact with because his work made it hard and challenging to do so. But from your first encounter on he started dividing them into two groups. There were you, and then there was everyone else. Everyone else could go away and continue living their own lives, but he had to have you, because you were different. You'd caught his eye, and since no one's ever done it prior to you, you had to be special. You had to be his. "You seem rather happy today," you heard him say, and saw him smiling down at you as you both took a right turn, walking down another street, "In fact, you seem rather happy in the past time as a whole..." "You know, since you started taking me out more often, I'm kind of getting used to this new life.. Don't get me wrong, I still don't like it," his face shifted a bit as you said that right to his face, but he understood and respected your point of view, "But.. It's become... Bearable..." "I'm glad, (Y/N). I want you to be happy," he said, and continued walking, only to add to himself after a second, "Together with me." He was messed up in the head, but not messed up enough to have forgotten how to love. He shut the apartment door, making sure it was safe and locked, turning to you right after. You'd taken off your shoes already at that point, and he, being the gentleman he was, helped you to take off your coat. "We skipped learning today, but don't worry, we'll do it tomorrow. Tonight just relax, we've been walking a lot. You must be tired," he said, going into the living room and making himself comfortable on the couch. "Channie, I still don't understand. Why are you so eager to teach me first aid and the basics of treating all types of wounds in first place?" you walked into the room and stood in front of him, a questioning look in your eyes. He was leaning against the pillows with his arms resting on them, like the true king of this place that he was. A smirk escaped him as he eyed you up and down, and you suddenly recalled how uncomfortable that used to make you feel in the past. Now you'd gotten used to the fact he couldn't tear his eyes off of you at most times, and you'd learned to tolerate all types of stares, even thought you preferred the loving ones to the hungry ones. "Oh, baby. Are you scared something bad might happen to your man?" he asked, chuckling a little. You snapped back to reality, realizing that was literally what was going inside your head ever since he told you to learn the very basics of medicine, but you weren’t going to admit it. Not to him, and even less to yourself. "I mean, why else would you want me to learn how to properly clean off cuts and even how to treat bullet wounds?" you asked, surprised at how nervous your voice came out, "If it wasn't for the fact something bad might happen soon, you'd rather want me to learn how to dance, or how to play an instrument or something, right? I bet your sick, twisted mind would love to see me putting a show on, just for you and your entertainment..." You made him chuckle with that statement, and within seconds he gestured for you to sit next to him. You did as told, leaning your body against his as he lazily adjusted you into the position he wanted you to be in with one swift move of his hand. "You're learning just in case, don't worry. I have my ties and people who could stitch me or one of the guys up if there really was the need to, and you know that, but I like making sure we always have a plan B by hand if things don't go as planned," he mumbled into your ear, and you felt his nose brushing against the side of your head. "Don't the guys know first aid?" "I know a little, and Yongguk used to know too, but he hadn't done it in so long that I'm afraid he wouldn't be able to do it now if it really came down to that. If you only knew how much time I've spent with him.. If I think about it now, I've probably known him for the biggest part of my life.." he paused a bit, the memories seemingly fading back to him. You rested your head somewhere on his shoulder, and patiently waited for the story he was about to tell, as if there was one thing you liked to hear him talking about, it was his past, as that was another way to get to know him better and understand what had lead him to be in the position he was in nowadays. "He only looks reckless and fearless. In fact, when he sees blood that isn't the enemy's, he starts completely flipping out and worrying too much. I remember the old days, oh God. Just me and him, trying to survive in this cold, unfair world that showed no mercy to such little scums and lost kids like us. I barely knew how to hold a gun when I was forced into my first assignment, and I had to do it all alone because Yongguk refused to use a gun at all at first. He was too nice of a guy, too peaceful and too against violence, and it took me to get majorly hurt for him to start acting. God, that was the only time I'd ever seen him cry too, because he really thought I'd die on the spot, right in front of him, simply because he couldn't bring himself to shoot when I needed backup..." Silence filled the room for a bit, and as he wanted to say something, you spoke up instead, cutting him off. "Is that what the scar on your left side is from...?" "I never knew you were so observant," he smirked, his tone indicating he was a little proud and more than pleased that you'd noticed, "Say, babe, how many more of my scars have you seen out of plain curiosity?" What did he think you were supposed to do when on hot summer nights he refused to sleep with a blanket on, lying in bed with only a pair of boxer shorts to cover him? Yes, you were curious, and you had to admit you'd seen and even traced some of his scars with your fingers, thinking of possibilities how he could've gotten them or how much it hurt when the object came into contact with his body, leaving nothing but a mark as a sign that it's been there at some point behind. "I don't know how many, you have a lot of them. Please don't get any more," you quietly said, burying your face in his shoulder. One of your hands was placed on his chest this whole time, and you clearly felt his heartbeat increasing a bit. "I sadly can't promise that, baby, but I'm glad to see you're worried about me.." he said, letting silence hang over your heads, accompanied by your quiet breathing. "Hey, (Y/N)?" he suddenly asked, not really waiting for a response in order to continue, "what would you do if at some point I simply wouldn't come back home?" You froze on the spot, and he immediately noticed, letting his hand caress your arm gently. "Just in theory," he added, more than certain that didn't lighten the situation, but at least made his statement a little clearer. To be honest, you had no clue. What would you do if he died and never came back? He left home every morning, telling you he'd be back soon and that you shouldn't miss him too much or worry about him, because he knew what he was doing. You remember that early on you were too scared to literally think anything about that statement. He was still a stranger, and you knew less than nothing about him, so only being able to judge by his lifestyle you were simply scared. Then came a point when you silently wished he wouldn't come back. You didn't necessarily want him dead, but his presence, his sweet words and good treatment, was something that bothered you, something that irritated you and made your blood boil, because you had to tolerate him against your own will, if you wanted it or not. In the past time though, when you were forced to face the fact that you couldn't possibly escape him, especially after an unsuccessful attempt to leave him and the country a little less than half a year ago, you started getting used to this life you were leading along his side. He'd successfully made himself king of your universe, and, as days passed, you felt yourself becoming more and more attached to him, not only requiring the physical protection he could offer you, but wanting his attention when it came to being his lover. You were... falling for him completely. What if he died? Where would you go, and who would keep you safe? Even if Himchan would be dead, maybe the others wouldn't, and you knew details the enemies could use against them. What if you got caught by somebody and tortured to death, because you'd definitely refuse to spill details? Or even worse.. What if the others, instead of taking you in like Himchan did long ago, would turn their backs to you, not sparing a single thought on the fact you were practically one of them now, setting a bullet in your head because of trust issues? "That was the only time I ever saw Yongguk cry, because at that point, he had no one but me in his life. I was his only friend, and he couldn't stand two facts - the fact he'd have to do this on his own from then on, but over that, the fact that a person as good as me would pass a such a young age, not having lived life properly yet..." "... Would you cry, babe?" he asked silently, feeling you slightly moving in your position. Reflexes made you snuggle a little closer to his side and grip on his shirt, tensing your muscles. "Don't talk like this, please-" "I think you would," he interrupted, tilting his head and trying to look at your face, "Question is, would you cry from sadness and devastation because your lover passed away, or would you shed happy tears because you'd finally be free?" "Channie, no, don't say that..." But apparently he didn't want to hear anything anymore. He got off the couch, gently holding your frame and placing you back down in a lying position as he threw you a last loving but slightly pained stare and exited the room, seemingly heading to the study. You stayed there, speechless and without emotion at first, until a lone tear finally escaped you and fell on the couch. Why was it him who always made you cry? He'd flipped your whole world upside down, making strict rules and having everything go his way for such a long time already. You had your reasons to be mad and to have a desire to disobey, but.. Why is it that he made you so conflicted between wanting to love him and wanting to hate him? Why did he say such things when he clearly saw you were giving into your feelings for him more and more with every passing day? In the past, even just a few months ago.. Even then you wouldn't be able to shed happy tears because of his death. Why did he talk about it so calmly, and why did he make you feel so bad about him, yourself, and your relationship, whatever it may be, as a whole? Why on earth did he make it out to be like you didn't care, even though you did? "Hey, are you still-.... a-awake...?" he walked back into the room after half an hour, just to see you curled up on the sofa, with tears straining your cheeks and your eyes blankly staring into the distance. "Hey.. Baby, I didn't mean it.." he said, cautiously taking a few steps into your direction. "You sure sounded like you meant it.." you simply said, sniffing and letting another tear drop down on the sofa. He picked you up, and held you close to his chest, carrying you into the bedroom and putting you down on the bed. You let him take off your shirt, and were surprised when he put one of his older t-shirts on you instead of your sleeping shirt. You changed into a pair of shorts as he undressed for bed himself, and soon you felt him pulling you back by your waist and under the covers, turning you to face him as his arms were loosely hanging around you. "I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean to make you cry..." he pierced through you with his gaze, searching for forgiveness in the stare you directed at him. "Just don't dare say anything like this again, or I might actually consider shedding happy tears when you die," you told him, wanting to sound dead serious but sounding hurt instead. "Don't worry, it won't come to that, someone has to take care of you, so I'll stay around," he leaned it, teasing you a little with his closeness before carefully and gracefully capturing your mouth with his, proving once again he always knew how to leave a deep, long-lasting tingling and sensation on your lips after one of his kisses, "Because I love you. And I'm still waiting for you to fully love me back..." ".. We could buy a piano, actually, if you want to. I used to play it long ago, and could maybe even remember a few easy melodies. What do you think about playing duets with me, hmm?" he said after a while and smiled a bit, remembering that part of your previous conversation. He made himself comfortable, nuzzling his head against yours, and you simply nodded in response. "I'd love to, Channie..." "In that case, let me see what I can do about it, but tomorrow. Today's been a long day, and I want to sleep before doing anything else. Goodnight, babe..." "Good night, Channie..." Everything continued just the same way it's always been. Well.. The way it's been since your attempt to leave not too long ago, at least. Himchan knew how it felt being locked away from the whole world, as in his short lifetime he's experienced more things than possibly imaginable, and being locked away in a cell for a certain amount of time was one of them. He knew that a four wall environment could drive a person insane, especially if the view behind the windows was as lovely as it was in his apartment, so he started taking you out more in the evenings. "It's not safe for you to go alone, so we'll go together," he'd always tell you, causing you to feel a mixture of gratefulness and disgust. You were glad he finally took a look at the situation from your perspective, but you were still annoyed and disgusted you couldn't go anywhere on you own. "I'm not a dog that you have to walk out on a leash every now and then, you know?" you'd scoff sometimes, spitting it right into his face, and he'd always just casually laugh it away, putting a hand under your chin and saying, "I know. You're my one and only lady who needs to be protected from a few cold-blooded bastards at every cost, so, in case you really don't want to view our nightly adventures as dates, imagine I'm your security guard or something, if that makes it any better..."

You did at first, until he started putting thought into where to take you out to. He'd surprise you with new places every other night, and you had to admit that you'd sit around at home for the whole day, waiting for him to be back in case he'd planned something for the evening. He saw you loosening up with every trip you took, and when you started repaying all of his hard work with genuine smiles, it fueled his desire to see you like that again. These trips were helping you and your emotional well-being a lot, and soon he found out you both even managed to act like an actual couple on some days, without sarcastic commentary or coldness in each other's words. You'd get a hold of his arm sometimes, or find him sitting somewhere just to snuggle close to him in order to talk, and every time something like this happened, he'd feel like he just won the lottery. You didn't really notice the change, but he did, so he stayed quiet in order to keep it this way, because there was just one thing in the whole world he was completely certain of - if you'd notice, you'd be back to acting cold, even if your heart told you to do the opposite. That's just who you were - a freedom-loving, stubborn person, who still had a hard time trying to forgive him for having locked you up in an apartment for most of your days for so, so long already. One day, just around two months ago, he came back home with a guest. The lad looked rather young, and was a few inches taller than him, as well as skinnier. Introduced to you as simply Jihoon, he was invited into the dining room to eat dinner together with both of you. "You know, there's a reason I wanted to introduce you both to each other," Himchan said after taking a last bite, about to grab a bottle of wine and pour some for all of you. The alcohol of choice at home was always wine, as that was his favorite beverage of all alcoholic and non-acloholic ones... Right after coffee. "And that would be..?" you questioned, seeing how they looked at each other and nodded in unison. "I may not look like it, but I've been studying medicine for the astonishing amount of seven years at this point in my life already," Jihoon said, giving Himchan another look before he continued, "If you ever see a healed wound or a stitch on this guy, know that I've most likely been the one to fix that up. We've known each other since long ago, and if it wouldn't be for him, I'd probably be resting in peace somewhere deep underground instead of eating delicious homemade dinner in a nice company, place and environment tonight..." "O-okay, a doctor then. That's amazing, but I still don't understand how I could possibly be involved in.. whatever you're thinking about, I didn't quite catch on..." you looked at them, a puzzled expression on your face. "I want him to teach you a few basics," Himchan said, leaning over the table to get your glass and fill it up with the claret liquid, "You've done a good job with fixing up minimal damage in the past, and, the more successful B.A.P is getting and the higher we're rising in ranks, the higher the possibility of something bad happening gets. I know my friend Jihoon here will always be there to help, and he's got a few more people on the line who would do the same too. But I need a plan B just in case, and since you could master that easily with a bit of work, I'd be really thankful if you tried it and helped us out.." Help them out... Yeah, you could do that. But the sight of open wounds and blood pouring out of them was something you'd rather leave for someone else to see, so you flinched at the thought, making Himchan throw you a concerned glance. "(Y/N), is everything fine?" "Yeah, sure.." you said, staring at the table for a little before letting your eyes meet with Jihoon's. "I'm all in for learning, it's just that... How do you prevent yourself from fainting at the sight of a nasty looking open wound..?" A moment of silence hung over the room, and two loud, ear-piercing laughs filled the place soon enough. "Don't worry about that for now," Jihoon said after he'd calmed down, "We'll take care of that later. After a while you'll get used to it, believe me..." He'd come over with Himchan in the evenings sometimes, and would sit with you in the living room, teaching you all kinds of things while Himchan was in the study, doing some research on other things the group would need for their upcoming missions. On evenings when Jihoon didn't join you, Himchan took the responsibility of helping you with your studies. His skills were a bit rusty, but he still managed to spot most of your mistakes and help you with correcting them. The only thing you were worried about was that if it actually came to the worst case scenario and you would have to give a helping hand in order to make sure one of the members stayed alive, you wouldn't be able to act properly because you'd never done it in real life. You knew the theory, but had never done a practice round. Himchan always calmed you down, reassuring you that you were only backup and probably wouldn't ever have to use any of your knowledge anyways, and said that it if really mattered to you, you'd know what to do the moment you saw the situation. "It all suddenly changes when you see the actual situation if front of your eyes," he said while sitting next to you on the floor and giving you a glance, "I didn't know what I was doing when one of my squad members got injured for the first time long ago either, but we had a guy who knew what to do, and he told me to help. I said to him that I had knowledge, but no experience, and he just laughed, passed me some bandages and told me this would be my first experience of probably many more to come..." "He survived, by the way," Himchan added as he saw the trust issues in your eyes after he'd ended his little speech, causing you to burst out laughing. "I trust you, you know," he looked into your eyes and reached for your hand, making you go silent immediately, "And if my life was hanging on a thin thread, I'd be more than a hundred percent sure you wouldn't let me down.." "Himchan, but what if-" "No what-if's, I believe in you," he said, getting up and heading out of the room, "Let's hope I won't be your first experience and your practice subject though-" "Or any of my experiences at all.." He laughed, and stopped right in the doorway, giving you a loving look. "You care, after all. For your own safety, or for me, I don't know yet. But you care..." he disappeared, his heavy footsteps audible through the whole hallway. Today was two weeks from when he'd asked you if you'd cry in case he died, and you were standing in front of the windows, not finding any peace as the clock kept ticking and the minutes kept passing, but despite all of his earlier promises to be back on time he was nowhere to be seen. "He's just late... I'll scold him so bad for making me worry... Oh God, Channie, where are you?" you mumbled to yourself as you stood there, toying around with the curtains and trying to hold in the tension and nervousness that was building up inside of you at an alarming rate. Loud noise snapped you out of your thoughts, and you immediately turned around, facing the living room doorway. Himchan was home, and he'd just opened the entrance door a bit too fast and too harsh, slamming it into the wall. Thank God he was here, and you had nothing to worry about anymore. "Channie, I-" you were about to give him a piece of your mind, but were cut off by the sight in front of you. "Don't question, just come with me and get in the car," Junhong said, and as you were finally able to tear away your gaze from his dirt and tears-strained face, you noticed his wounded knee and how he was dripping mud and blood all over the floor. "Junghong-ah! Calm down at first, let me help you and bandage you up at least before we head anywhere-" "Just do as I say, you don't know the whole story!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, making you flinch in fear. His anger faded away in seconds when he understood that his getup, paired up with his body build and his height, made him quite scary and intimidating, and he softened his voice as best as he could, looking you right in the eyes and breaking your heart apart with a sentence you never wanted to hear. "I wasn't the one who took two to the chest, you know... " "Junhong-ah, why are you so fucking slow, just run already!!?" you cried out in despair as tears kept streaming down your face and you were standing by his car, waiting for him as he was staying behind. "It's not like half my kneecap isn't coated with flesh anymore like it should be, you know," you heard him say through clenched teeth as he sprinted to the car, unlocking the door and getting in, barely waiting for you to close the door so he could hit the gas pedal full-force. "Junhong-ah.. I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean it, i-it's just that-" "Oh, spare it, I know more than well you didn't mean it," he said, turning the steering wheel violently and driving down the road twice the speed limit, "I was hyperbolising anyways..." "W-what happened thought, do you care to explain?" you tried to wipe your tears and stay calm, but just the thought of the scenery you'd have to face and witness soon enough made you want to pass out. "Long story short, or, well, as short as possible," he said, taking a deep breath. You could see it in his eyes - how much he was hurting, but how he pulled himself together like the young professional that he was, thinking about his friend and leader's life that could fade away at every given moment rather than his much easier treatable wound. "We were done with it for the day, we had them pinned down on their knees. We thought they were bluffing when they said that there were still members left who would take revenge, up until coordinates of one of them were sent to us. (Y/N), they were heading to get you. They knew about you, and knew where you were living. They must've spied on you and Himchan when you were out one night, and they kept coming back there until they were sure this was your home-" another sharp turn caused him to stay quiet for a bit, and you sat there, tying not to get your head smashed into the windshield and trying to cope with the knot in your chest. "I've never seen Himchan go havoc, not until today. Eveyone who wasn't in our gang was dead on the spot, and before any of us could blink he was in the car, turning on the ignition and swearing for us to get there in seconds or he'd handle it on his own. Long story short, there were eight of them, and they'd made it far enough already as we approached. One was hit by our car, and another one shot on the spot by Himchan before any of us could blink. It got.. ugly, to say the least... and all seemed to go just a little bit more in our favor than theirs, until Daehyun got in the way..." "... And Himchan always puts our lives before his own.." Silence hung over the car, and Junhong looked over to the passenger's seat to make sure you were as alright as you could be in this situation. "(Y/N)-" "That was one to the chest. Where did the other one come from?" he heard your barely audible voice, and thought hard if he should answer. "(Y/N).... (Y/N), I'm sorry, I thought I could help him by at least getting him away from the middle of the gunfight, and I almost did, but..." "You missed a bullet..." "... And he moved just in time to take it for me..." Your silent cries filled the car, your shaky breaths and the squeaking sound of tires on the asphalt being the only things audible in the otherwise silent environment. "Listen, I won't lie. It doesn't look good, but.. He's strong, and he should manage. I'm taking you to Jihoon hyung's place now, a.k.a. B.A.P's little private clinic we've unfortunately been forced to visit a few times in the past already. Jihoon knows what he's doing, but if he does it on his own, he might not be quick enough and might not make it in time. With another pair of helping hands though, you might just make it.. " It took another few chaotic turns and two more minutes of Junhong's already-not-good-in-everyday-situations-and-even-worse-at-moments-like-these driving to get to the final destination, and you got out of the car in milliseconds, this time around remembering he was wounded and needed some help. Junhong was holding on as brave as ever, and didn't waste any time, gladly accepting your help and support and leading you into the right direction as you ran into the building, taking three steps up the staircase at a time. You froze in the doorway, with a panting Junhong running up just seconds later behind you. "Jihoon hyung, we're here!" Junhong called just to trigger a "Here!" from a room that was located all the way down the hallway and to the right. You left Junhong alone in the hallway, spotting the rest of the guys in another room to your left as you passed by. There he was. Laid down on the bed, his eyes directed at the ceiling. His face displayed just how much he was hurting, but despite the pain he was still fully conscious, even mumbling something under his breath through clenched teeth. "Channie.." his eyes widened at the oh so familiar, barely audible voice, and he tried to look your way, but couldn't move in order to do that, instead furrowing his brows and clenching his teeth in pain. "Himchan, are you stupid? I know you're glad your last hope is here but I told you to stay still and stop moving, didn't I?!" Jihoon angrily snapped at him, and gestured for you to come closer to him. Your stare abandoned Himchan and his wounded body, and, trying to hold back your tears, you ran forwards to Jihoon, clearly listening to his further instructions of what you had to do and obeying everything he had to say and told you to do. "Okay, mister too-tuff-to-fall-unconscious-already. Any last words before I make you drift off to sleep, hopefully for just a few hours?" Jihoon checked the needle, ready to inject some much needed medication into Himchan's vein. Himchan turned his head lightly to face you, and gave you a broken smile. "I guess this is practice round, baby, right? Don't mess up.." "Stop grinning, you idiot! I swear, I'll kill you if you die!" you cried out, still unable to fully take in the horrible sight in front of you, but trying to pull yourself together in order to be able to give a hundred percent of your work and knowledge to keep him alive. "Baby, that's not how death works," he chuckled a little, wincing in pain as he felt his consciousness slowly fading and drifting away. "Kim Himchan, I swear I'll join her to kill you if you don't shut up now," Jihoon said as apparently Himchan was testing his nerves. You wondered how the hell they managed to stay this calm in a life-and-death situation like this, and Himchan's last words before he drifted off to sleep were the only thing that snapped you back to reality. "I trust you, (Y/N), with all of my heart... " Good thing that the heart he was talking about just minutes ago wasn't damaged, nor were any arteries or anything that would send him straight into the heavens or rather the hell in just a few minutes. You watched Jihoon's professionalism and calmness as he casually performed an operation that was already quite hard to do in the hospital at home, on the bed he probably slept in every night, unless he was stitching up his unfortunate friends on it. He acted fast and his facial expression showed no stress or fear of doing wrong. His instructions were clear and short, in fact, he didn't speak much. You watched the job getting done, passing the guy who didn't look like much but was actually a skilled doctor all of the needed things back and forth, obeying every single one of his commands and trying your best to do everything just like it had to be done and like he told you to do. When the two damned bullets lied somewhere nearby in a crystal white bowl and all of the blood was wiped away from Himchan's pale, soft skin, the bruises he'd gotten just recently bandaged up tightly and neatly, you let out a shaky breath, glancing at the clock and finding it to be half past two AM already. You'd spent a solid two and a half hours here, maybe even more than that, and you hadn't even noticed. It was... over. Finally... "(Y/N)?!" you heard Jihoon call as your knees slowly gave up on you and you slid to the ground, taking off your gloves that still had some blood on them and throwing them somewhere nearby on the ground. "Hold on for a bit, I'll get the rubbing alcohol.. Just don't faint, there's still five other idiots in the other room with less serious wounds, but still requiring medical attention nonetheless-" "He'll be fine, right?" you looked up at Jihoon with a dazed stare, the look in your eyes pleading for a positive answer, "Himchan will be fine.." "(Y/N)-" “I still have his blood on my arms, even though I wore gloves,” you said as you noticed you indeed had some splatters of it near your elbow, “His blood, Jihoon, do you hear? It’s not supposed to be on my skin, it’s supposed to be in his veins...” “(Y/N), listen-”

“I remember flinching back then when he came to me more than a year ago with a rather small cut on his arm, asking me to bandage it up. I never thought I’d be pulling bullets out of his chest at two AM with my glass heart and no medical knowledge whatsoever-”

“(Y/N),” he stepped a little closer, looking you right in the eyes and finally catching your attention, "If there's one person who will never leave this apartment in a dead state, it is Kim Himchan. He's got too much potential, responsibilities and ambitions to let himself fade away, and since he took you in, I've never seen him clinging onto life more than he's doing it now. He’s got a reason to live now, you know.. " Yongguk and Youngjae were the one who helped you to get Himchan back home, as they'd suffered the least injuries - only a few cuts and bruises. Junhong's knee was the second nastiest injury, and, as you'd helped everyone else by following Jihoon's instructions as closely as possible and treating their wounds with extra care, and as you were leaving to get back home, Jihoon was still working to fix it up. "Junhong-ah.. Sorry for screaming at you previously and making you run around that much.." "No worries," he smiled at you a little, "I'll be back on my feet in no time." "On your foot," Jihoon quickly corrected, "At least for the next few weeks." It was mid-night, so you didn't have to worry about anyone seeing you. Himchan was brought into the bedroom and carefully placed on the bed. You escorted Youngjae and Yongguk back to the entrance door, saying your goodbyes to both of them and thanking them for their help when Yongguk suddenly placed a hand on your arm. "Thank you," he simply said, and, knowing him and how quiet he usually was, this was the biggest compliment anyone could receive from him - his gratitude in the form of those two words. You stayed by Himchan's for side the whole night, lying beside him and gently stroking his unconscious frame. It was going to be hard and painful, but.. Jihoon said he'd manage, and all you could do at that point was hope he wasn't wrong. Himchan had to manage, because without him, you weren't too sure you'd manage yourself.. You found yourself shedding tears again, and cursed under your breath. He was the reason you felt bad and cried again, and you hated yourself for loving him. Loving him.. At this point it was undeniable, wasn’t it? If you didn't love him, you wouldn't have gone to such extents. You wouldn't have pulled yourself together enough to help him, and you wouldn't have even tried in first place. You wouldn't be here crying hard over the fact he was hurt, you simply wouldn't care. But you were here, by his side, not like he told you to do, but like you decided you wanted to do. You were here not because he forced you to, but because you wanted to. The keys to the door were on the commode now, and no one would be able to stop you if you walked out of the apartment and never came back. It would be weeks until he'd be capable of moving again, and by then you could be far away already. The other's wouldn't act at all, or, even if they would, they simply wouldn't be quick enough. Tonight was your chance if you still wanted to leave, as nothing was holding you back. You had the money, the ability, the freedom.. Thing is... you didn't want to leave. Not while the person who saved you was in this state, and not while you loved him as much as he loved you. His eyes slowly opened early in the morning, and you immediately called up Jihoon to know exactly how to take care of him. He tried to joke around, and tried to do smart talk, but there was nothing but clear exhaustion in his voice, so instead of listening and answering you simply shut him up, making him rest as much as possible. The whole next week he spent in bed, cuddled up by blankets and your never ending attention. Because of the horrible pain he was rather asleep than awake most of the times, and the only time you found him to be fully awake and ready for conversation was a week after the faithful incident had happened. You'd gone out the house together with Jongup to go and get some much needed supply of medication that was running low in your apartment, when you heard him say. "I think I finally figured out what was so special about you that he was ready to throw his life away on the spot back then when he first saw you..." You were already used to this manner of speech that Jongup used, and took it as a compliment, waiting for his conclusion. "It did take you long enough, but you were actually crazy enough to be locked away by him and despite all of that fall in love with him.." "You make it sound like prison, don't do that, Yup," you told him as he escorted you to your door, proud at how this harmless nickname you'd given him irritated him slightly more and more every time you used it. "I'm glad, to be honest," he said, stopping when you'd reached the door, "Keep an eye on him, as we still need him not only as a member and leader, but as a friend. He can get weirder than me at times, so beware." "I doubt that's a thing, but I sure will. Thanks for your help," you said, and made your way into the apartment, taking off your outerwear and heading straight to the bedroom. You made it to the doorway, and stopped. "Channie, are you stupid?! Lie back down!!" you screamed at him and ran towards the bed. "(Y/N), don't worry, I feel much better today than any previous day," he was sitting up straight on the edge of the bed, smiling up at you. You relaxed a bit, and slowed down, gently sitting down on the bed beside him. "For real?" "Have I ever lied to you?" he tilted his head, and you chuckled. For a mafia leader he sure could look hella cute if he wanted to. "If I think about it now.. Yes, yes you have. You told me you'd have to get rid of me if I ever tried to escape you... But you didn't..." You almost hadn't noticed how his hand that was previously next to yours gently slid on top of your hand, his touch, as cold as always, sending shivers up you arm. "You're not the one to complain here. You were lying for a total of one and half years to me, telling me you loved me every single day even thought you never truly did." "I was lying, or I have been lying?" you raised a brow at him, "What makes you think you have the right to talk about the situation in a past tense? Do you really think things have changed-" "Haven't they?" he cut you off and gave you a genuine, challenging look as nothing but silence followed. He looked so pure. Smiling at you with a picture perfect smile, his pale skin seemingly filling the dimly lit room with a faint, unusual glow. He wasn't nowhere near bad, no matter how many bad things he'd done in life, you were certain of it. He only fought for his own survival since a very young age, and, even more than that, the survival and well-being of the people he cared about and loved the most. Including you. "Stop staring and just kiss me already," he chuckled and snapped you back to reality, making you realize that this whole time you were looking at his lips. "Like you told me to?" you tilted you head a little, "Or like I want to?" "The latter, please," he said, letting you place a hand on his cheek and pull his face a little closer. You'd kissed many times before, too many to count, and even though in the past months your relationship's only been going up, this was the first time you truly felt it. The desire to capture all of him, and the refusal of letting him go. It suddenly made sense, how well your lips clipped together and how his kissing style and intensity was just the way you liked it. How soft his hair felt when you tangled your hand in it, and how much you wanted him to simply stay where he was for as long as possible, not only because you couldn't deny how well-shaped and desirable his body was when it moved against yours, but because you'd completely fallen for him and his caring personality. "Why is it that I always have to get severely hurt in order to make someone realize they need me in their lives?" he said when you pulled away, biting his lip lightly and smiling at you, his eyelids heavy and his stare as dreamy as ever. "At least I admit it now, be glad, and be happy that the people you love feel the same way about you, always having your back when you need it the most," you made him chuckle, and he tilted his head down for a second. "Babe?" he looked back at you, surprised at your way of calling him, as you never called him anything other that “Channie”. "When you get better... " you bit your lip, gathering enough courage to look straight into his eyes, "How about I fulfill that promise I made back then?" He smiled, and instead of telling you anything really, leaned in to kiss you again. "I can't believe it... You love me.." he said in between kisses, making you laugh lightly and chuckle. He sounded like a kid who saw snow for the first time and couldn't believe it was a real thing, and only now you truly realized how this was the moment he's been working so hard to experience for the past one and a half years. "Enough is enough, Channie. Get back in bed if you want to experience more of my true, genuine love, or otherwise I'll give you the silent treatment," you said, helping him get back into a lying position and giving him the regular everyday treatment he got from you every single day now. "As you wish, baby. I'll do it, just like you told me to," he teased, falling asleep soon enough again because of the side effects of his medicine that made him sleep in order to mend the pain. Kim Himchan, the fearless leader of B.A.P, or Kim Himchan, the pitiful leader who was forced to stay in bed for quite a while now? Who cared? He knew he didn’t, and he knew you didn’t either. B.A.P, for the nearest future, had Yongguk, who unwillingly agreed to lead until Himchan was capable of taking over again, so they wouldn’t get lost anytime soon. And Himchan? He had you - his very, very soon-to-be wife, and the person who he’d saved once just to be saved by less than two years later in return.

He knew exactly what he wanted to do now while he was forced to spend his days home in order to recover. He’d buy a piano, and he’d teach you a few things about music so you could play duets with him. He’d spend time being cuddled up in your arms, and he’d make sure he savored every bit of your love and affection he could, as apparently he’d managed to get it all now.

And right after that, when the holes in his chest turn into nothing but scars, he’ll take you down the aisle and finally marry you, since, even though it took you one and a half years, an attempt to run away and a near-death experience of his to realize it, you finally loved him just the same way he loved you, and that was all that mattered.

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