#bc when my sister is upset about something EVERYONE knows about it like she unpromted rants about it

[hella1975]

my mum keeps asking me if im alright and in the end i was like 'im fine why do you keep asking that' bc im literally not doing anything abnormal and she just gives me this very soft look and goes 'maybe i just need to get used to your stillness again' my WHAT?

#my mum's always said that my quietness is always so much worse than my sister's loudness #bc when my sister is upset about something EVERYONE knows about it like she unpromted rants about it #and she calls my mum every day as is but if something bad happens she's on the phone for HOURS crying and ranting #and just generally there's never anything on my sister's chest bc she gets it off IMMEDIATELY #when she's angry she shouts when she's sad she cries etc #and that can get super fucking annoying and my mum complains about it #but she's always said she prefers that to what i do #bc next to my sister i seem very quiet bc my default is to just Not Talk About Things #and i know in extremes that can be a bad thing like trust me i know from EXPERIENCE how dangerous that can get #but also it is just how i am? like i dont talk about my feeilngs bc i genuinely dont NEED to #like my sister NEEDS support in ways that i dont #im very good at regulating and managing myself and so i just seem very secretive and cold and quiet #and i KNOW that but my mum describing it as 'my stillness' was like #so randomly poetic and i cant tell if it's in a good or bad way #especially bc nothing was actually wrong i was literally just living #forever bowled over by the knowledge mothers always have of you #like yeah im sooo still im like a ghost im haunting this house huh #BUT IT IS NOT THE ONE I- #hella goes home