#as soon as i get out of this shit im gonna manspread to the extreme. fuck being lady-like.

[orcelito]

Turns out depressed mood has won out

#speculation nation #negative/ #sitting outside for a bit. bc i just... need to decompress. #not crying or anything. just. felt wound up a bit too tight. #didnt. actually tell anyone where i was going. whoops. #i need to go back inside before too long. but it's a lot of sitting and a lot of remembering. #im not very good at that part. #i really am not graceful when it comes to Any emotions now that i think about it. #me dressed in all black sitting in the shadow of a funeral home #within view of the road. like art in motion. #i dont know. being a glaring marker of this location's purpose is still somehow better than being surrounded by people. #im just. exhausted. and the service still has yet to start. #and i am so. fucking. sick. of wearing a dress. #as soon as i get out of this shit im gonna manspread to the extreme. fuck being lady-like. #... i probably will need to go back inside soon. but maybe just a few more minutes out here... #being outside always helps me decompress. there's just something about fresh air and open sky that makes it feel like things will be ok #things just dont feel real right now. it doesnt feel real. i dont know if it will ever feel real. #i hate living through death. i really do.