#anyways i go back and forth because it can represent a moral triumph and commitment to principle

[slippingbetweenthestars]

something something Ten was unwilling to regenerate when surrounded by people he loved (the classic Good Death) but willingly accepted death against every emotional instinct when practically alone after re-experiencing the destruction of his people and his oldest friend (pretty much a horrible Lonely Bad Death by all measures)

#tenth doctor #ten #cw: discussion of self harm in tags #and i wonder why i'm obsessed with that moment #i think it was capaldi who said dw is about death #and i think that's very sexy of him #(said in an a-spec way) #the doctor's a little messed up is what i'm saying #anyways i go back and forth because it can represent a moral triumph and commitment to principle #that's the opposite of indulgent #(compared to my favorite moment in s1 which is practically the inverse) #but it can also read as a form of self harm motivated by pain/trauma/loneliness/self-loathing #it's not clear quite how much is *i'm dangerous to the world like this and i'm committed to not harming it* #and how much is *i hate myself and don't deserve to keep going like this* #which is (in a way) very indulgent; just because it feels right to hurt yourself doesn't mean it's actually objective/non-self indulgent #someday. someday i will nail down that meta about morality and self-indulgence vs healing/acceptance #that is the doctor's narrative arc from s1-s4 #also i love wilf and the doctor is unusually open around him but i think that willingness comes from their distance #as much as it does any closeness; wilf is both very dear to us and yet also kind of an everyman