#anyway update for u since I know I have shared the Despair but none of the beauty yet lol

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

ok ok so you know how my life has majorly revolved around my pain since july & how that has been extremely difficult :) well lately I find myself getting up later than I want to & making my bed as badly as I possibly can & getting out of the house after noon when I planned to get out in the morning & walking to the library when it’s sunny & sitting there for hours & the whole time I’m most concerned with writing & that it’s incredible what I’m doing, it’s a little paradise

#you know how I hoped September would be kind to me well it delivered #I actually didn’t realize how mentally poorly I was doing until I got out of it ! #like oooooof it’s like a chronic pain veil #& to be very honest it’s because I’m physically better so I cannot blame myself and I don’t lol bc there will be a time when that happens #<< again #I mean better loosely I just mean I haven’t had 8/10 pain every day for weeks LOLLL #but it’s really quiet and beautiful & im grateful !!! like yay I can still create ! #I’m not thinking abt my pain 95% of the day now it’s probably about 40%? 50? so a lot but I’m literally not every single thought LOL #sometimes it’s even like 20! not even cuz anything is getting better bc it’s not but I will take it even if idk why!!! #(& by nothing is getting better I mean meaningfully better but I have been blessed with some good days lately which I had none #of all summer) #I say this bc every day I wake up and immediately think OH GOD MY PAIN which is so valid bc it’s awful in the morning getting up is like #falling into a black hole Lol but also while that thought is still there I also thought #wow I’m so excited to write today I’m so excited to see what Jeremiah does #HE IS THE NARRATOR OF HEALING #also like SOOO PRIVILEGED to be able to do this like I also wanted to say that! #anyway update for u since I know I have shared the Despair but none of the beauty yet lol #lots of love chronic illness/pain bbs <3