#anyway so they dont speak french so this gets us nowhere and then when they hand me the bag it gets caught on their nails

[juni-ravenhall]

long post about ydris & circus worker / traveller / romani stereotypes (+ unrelated but related heterochromia)

(.... and sse's behaviour around one traveller-coded character and then of a masc-ish woman of colour while they dont do this with their plain white toast characters)

yasmin told me to write a post about this after i was telling her about it, so here it is.

first for canon: ydris is obvs pandorian, non-human, and his human form does not necessarily read as a specific ethnicity or cultural belonging (but i will get back to his looks later in the post!). he throws in french words but he is pandorian. why he speaks french (or uses it for flair?) is not clear from the lore afaik.

anyway. there are stereotypes about people who work in the travelling circus (or in any circus at all, depending). these stereotypes often go hand in hand with stereotypes about romani people and other travelling people. (im talking both about circus people of the past and present.)

here are some examples of harmful stereotypes about travelling people, circus people, and romani people (often these are founded in being an "outsider", people dont like to trust outsiders and consider them strange for not being exactly the same as themselves, aka xenophobia):

thief, criminal, dangerous

trickery, lying, cheating

seduction, enchanting (can come back to ^ trickery etc)

unreliable, untrustworthy

immoral, and/or follows other morals/laws than "the norm" in the places they travelled to [and this is seen in a negative way]

promiscuous, unfaithful

mysterious, intriguing

using magic / reading fortunes (these can be connected back to trickery, mystery, seduction...)

wild, untamed

"are they good or bad?"

speaks a foreign language or a secret language (and may use this to talk behind the backs of locals / to trick locals)

sexualised on behalf of above points (immoral, mysterious, seductive, enchanting, wild, untamed...)

objectified and/or dehumanised on behalf of above points (i think you get it by now.)

these stereotypes can affect people who are, for example, european or american white people who work in a travelling circus. however, romani people, on behalf of their ethnicity, can be affected by these stereotypes about nomadic people even if that romani person doesn't live a nomadic lifestyle, because these stereotypes about romani people persist as racist and cultural stereotypes even when you take the travelling out of the equation. (i think irish travellers also face the stereotypes regardless of if they live as settled or as nomads?)

now, i want to say some things about ydris looks before i move on with the topic of these stereotypes, but first its important to note that sso is a swedish game made by swedish people, and whats considered "white" or "white passing" in the US is not the same as what it is in scandinavia or northern europe (i cant speak for other parts of europe well enough so i wont). its also more like "what part of europe"-passing rather than just "white" passing.

in sweden, you're not going to meet hispanic americans or african americans, for example, but you will see romani people and kurdish people, for example, and ofc, polish people, estonian people, people from around the area.... the minority groups are different in europe vs the US (vs anywhere else ofc. i hope USamericans learn that nowhere else is the US and you need to stop projecting shit on other places). the idea of whats "swedish ethnicity" or "scandinavian ethnicity" or "european ethnicity" and so on are not equal to "white american ethnicity". remember that many white ppl here can trace back their history like a thousand years in the same country, while white ppl in america are generally like, "my great grandpa came from germany, my great grandma from poland, and my girlfriend's family came from ireland" and so on. theres a mash of different cultures and ethnicities, which isnt the average case for white people in europe. (please: obviously im not saying "everyone is this" just on average. plenty of ppl are mixed here, or have grandparents who moved here, etc.)

i am a swede with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes and i have experienced white ppl colorism (im still not sure if colorism is the right word, but i think so. however its mostly harmless idiocy, but frustrating to hear over and over). i dont mind it anymore, i just think its stupid, now, as an adult. and colorism(?) within white people is not at all as bad as racism that poc experience in the same country - just to be clear. the reason i bring it up isnt to say "boohoo me", but to try to explain what "white passing" or "swedish passing" is in sweden, from a person who literally is white but is not considered swedish enough due to having darker eyes and darker hair.

anyway! ydris has black hair. from a swedish developer and swedish audience perspective, black hair is enough to make a character read as "foreign". (thats why we had this whole tangent ^ above.) but, we also dont need to rely on a vague hint of foreignness, because he throws in french words, and he's from pandoria. and a lot of people will associate the travelling circus and ydris' wagon with romani culture to some degree, whether or not that's accurate (again, circus culture and romani culture and other nomadic cultures can become mixed up). the black hair ties well into the image of a travelling circus person.

ydris is a sort of "chaotic neutral" in the story so far. he has different intentions than the "heroes" and "villains" both, and he is largely self-centered (focusing on his own desires - tho he seems to care about pandoria as well - and he likely experiences different feelings than the average jorvegian does, and his sense of morals and social rules are different). now, im sure you can see how that ties back into some of the stereotypes ive listed: he's a foreign outsider who cant be trusted, he is mysterious, is he good or bad?, he tricks people, he behaves chaotically (wild)...... etc

he also comes across as flirty towards the player, which im sure you can see, ties back in to things from the stereotype list like seduction, enchantment, and being promiscuous. if it helps, consider Esmeralda from Hunchback of Notre Dame, as an example of the harmful stereotype of seductive romani. (i loved disney hunchback when i was a kid, and i also want to point out that that movie handles the topic of how esmeralda has to do things just to scrape by, and she is demonised in the eyes of a rich white religious man in power, who is evil, while she herself is a good person and being oppressed and dehumanised. just leaving that here as food for thought, not to really defend or cancel anything, but to encourage ppl to view things in a nuanced way. the stereotypes are harmful and disney is an evil company, but there are also parts in that story that are criticising the right things. then theres other parts that are just ??? )

also, there is a significant population of romani in france, but ofc there are romani across many countries. yasmin pointed out when we talked that french is also seen as a "sexy language" - so it kind of both ties into the "foreign traveller from further down in europe" and "seductive romani" by having him use a language considered "sexy".

ydris also has heterochromia (one light blue eye and one dark blue) which isnt related to the idea of the traveller, but it *is* considered "mysterious", "strange", and potentially "untrustworthy". this is ofc really weird - heterochromia is a real life condition that completely normal people have. having heterochromia shouldnt be portrayed as anything weird or special - there is nothing mysterious or strange about it, or something "untrustworthy" (playing into things like being two-faced).

if you go back up to the list of harmful stereotypes, keeping the things ive said in mind, and how ydris behaves in the game..... im sure you can understand what im saying about the bigger picture. the combination of living in a circus wagon, being mysterious and flirtatious and living by his own rules, being untrustworthy, having black hair, throwing in french words, theres a lot of things that maybe seem okay out of context, but when you put them together, to me, it makes it clear that ydris is like.... romani coded, or something close to romani coded, despite, yes, technically being pandorian, i get it, thank you, its not relevant, he is not real, the staff at sse are real and their biases are real.

theres nothing wrong in itself with being flirty or promiscuous or seductive and whatnot - or with fictional villains, or chaotic, untrustworthy characters - the problem is the stereotype of a group of real people. especially when you're passing these stereotypes on to an audience of impressionable children. why is ydris the character being handled this way? why is sabine the character to be handled this way? why dont they handle plain white toast characters this way?

an important point is that i dont think neither ydris or sabine are really sexualised within the game itself - the more blatant stuff happens on sse's official social media. ydris is sexualised to some degree in the way that he flirts: again, it alludes to the seductive romani person, even if its very mild flirting (the stereotype is still perpetuated). sabine is mostly not sexualised in the game, just hyped up in general, but the social media team keeps milking the fact that ppl are thirsty for sabine. the post is not really about sexualisation as the focus. its about general questionable or outright harmful design choices, that sometimes also has to do with sexualisation and objectification.

this, as usual, isnt about cancelling sso or sse. its about being analytical and critical about the media you consume, and about biases both from creators and from audiences. its about learning how to be more understanding and respectful towards other people. and about raising your voice and holding ppl accountable when they perpetuate harmful things (esp if its people in power, like companies, celebrities, and politicians).

personally, i dont think you arent allowed to think ydris or sabine are hot. its okay if they are your type or if you relate to them or whatever, because like, ultimately we're surrounded by all these characters and real people everywhere in media that are affected by biases. but i DO think you need to actually think about this shit if you are thirsting for sabine or thirsting for ydris. i dont think its great to just be like, omg, typical ydris, he tricked me again and then he seduced me, typical circus people. or to be like, wow, sabine is so hot and should step on me, beefy women of colour are scarier than beefy white women, thats so hot. do you get it? you can be attracted to these charas without being racist or xenophobic or misogynist or whatever, they just happen to be your type, and thats nice, but you do need to think about how you view them and why, and how you talk about them and why, bc a lot of people have biases they arent even aware to, and might not understand what kind of biases you perpetuate. example: how apparently most ppl didnt think about the romani / traveller stereotype implications of ydris so i had to write this post. stay woke and pay attention to potential harmful stereotypes in media, so i dont have to write this shit anymore

#also disclaimer this post could be less of a mess. its sleep time and this wasnt the easiest topic to explain

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) ok so this may sound so dramatic but; let me paint you a picture: i’m responding to your latest message, sitting on the edge of the sofa. i type in “lovely anon” into the search and see this longgg post come up and i’m like uhhh... i scroll down and see the people you tagged and literally. when i saw @ lovely anon. i . cried . like full on tears. my brother goes “what are you doing” “she tagged meeeee” and he continued what he was doing and didn’t care LMAOO but i was so emotional? i love and appreciate you too and aAH IM CRYING!! you’re just really sweet and i didn’t expect it at all and it was really lovely to be a part of something :’)

the kermit pic sent meee but yes yes yes!! when you start uni let me know, lol i’m so excited for you!! let me know how it goes cuz i’m literally hype hahah & yes we will be in our sad corners of the world, missing england but you’re right it’ll be sooooo worth it in the end!!! and oH i’m glad you talk to them lol i truly thought you like haven’t seen them/haven’t spoken to them this whole time😭 that would’ve been awful!

also i totallyyy get what your saying about the english speaking thing. and idk why you’re insecure (well i *knowww* bc it’s not your first language and you’re studying it in college so yuh) but your english is great :)))

lol yeah that makes sense.. my mom took french in college and she remembers NOTHING HDJSHSJ (the fact that you wanna learn MORE languages i- ahh i so admire you.. you literally know so many languages🥺) yea i mean you know a bunch of languages bc you know the base of words lol, but i wonder if because you know latin it’ll be easier for you to learn french? oh- oh wait you said it’ll be easier HAHHAHA

THERES SO MUCH EXCITING STUFF TO TALK ABOUT HDGSJSJSL it’s so wild to me that you can’t watch chaos walking :( i’m a professional hacker tho so i’ll try and find a way for you LMAO (by professional hacker i mean i literally have gotten multiple free trials and i’m pretty sure the hulu police are after me bUT ITS THEIR FAULT BC WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE???) i mean the movie was good? and cute? and funny? but yea don’t think it’s gonna be the most fantastic thing haha AND THE DOGGO AWWW (i saw it again today- or my today lol, saturday, aND THESE OLD PEOPLE CAME AND SAT IN FRONT OF ME AND MY FRIEND LIKE ITS A LONG STORY LMK IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT)

SHARK FILMS?!?!! PLEASE READING THIS I HAD NO IDEA YOU WOULD LIKE SHARK MOVIES TOO FHSKSHSHDJDJGAJAYSJS ok so i haven’t seen any of the classics (i’m working on it) but i would probably watch jaws to laugh at it? not like that lmao but like comparing it. OKAY BUT HONESTLY I BARELY KNOW ANYONE WHO LIKES SHARK FILMS AHHH OKAY im adding “the shallows” to my watchlist bc it sounds super good AND SAME AHSJD ANY BODY OF WATER IN A MOVIE I JUST KNOW ITS COMING LMAO watch me not go in the water anymore after seeing that picture HHDJSJ

WHEN I READ THIS I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO MY MOM ABOUT THE MEG AND THAT SCENE WHERE THE SHARKKK JUMPEDDDD AND ATE THE OTHER ONEEEE AND THEN JONAS HAD TO DO- bro i cannot (i think that one is my favorite because i love me a bit of romance and the subtle romance hAD ME) 47 meters down PHEW could you imagine?? i try not to think too hard about it i’m like “don’t be dumb catherine, don’t put yourself in a dumb situation” (not autocorrect having “dumb bitch” ready i am not lying) and i literally understand... there is no other way to explain 47 meters down

i CANNOT watch horror movies, can’t can’t can’t, i literally hate them i cannot do it!!! the thrill is tempting and it’s cool in the moment but i cant lmao. i don’t have nightmares about scary things (for the majority of the time) but going to sleep i’m like oooohhhhhh shit 🥲 literally what you explained

music !!!! music !!!! music !!!! (u ever write a word and now it looks weird lmao) MY BROTHER DOESNT LIKE MUSIC AND ITS SHIT IM LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU- anyway, my music taste is all over the place i mean......... it’s crazy. earlier today i was listening to meghan trainor’s album “title” oUT OF NOWHERE, but just a few minutes ago i was listening to fall in love with me by earth wind and fire soooo lol .. megan is *chefs kiss*, i’m not familiar with stormzy🙈, harry styles.... IM SORRY IM THAT PERSON but i don’t listen to his solo music EEK i only listen to adore you... and not that frequently... the music video freaked me out... i like niall’s solo music a lot more, which i listen to a lot more. now. one direction. favorite. please & thank you. i have a playlist called “boy bands” and it consists of one direction and the vamps (obsessed with cherry blossom btw) but as you can see my taste is all over the place!! fr fr if i sent you what apple music has as my “favorites” it went from ariana grande to carrie underwood to glee (OBSESSED DONT LET ME TALK ABOUT IT) i mean please if you let me i will nonstop (hamilton HDJSH) talk about music all day😩 & NOOO UR MUSIC IS GREAT HAHSK IM NOT A BIG RAP PERSON BUT DOJA CAT IS MY FAVORITE!!

okay good, i’m glad :) i was just nervous that you did feel that way <3 and GOT IT HAHAJ healthy pressure is always good :’) my friend got me these pens cuz i love stationary and school supplies lol and was like “now you have to write something” soooo yea i feel that! and i saw you posted the ficcccccc literally so proud of you 🥺🥺 i’m trying to decide if i read it tomorrow or tonight..... sleep or a literal beautiful creation made by the sweetest person and is v v nice smut and college!peter and 4.7k...... sleep aint really calling no more.

GIRL ALL OF MY SENTENCES ARE TOO LONG HAHAHAH IN FACT THIS IS TOO LONG SOOO (also why am i 3 days late..😑) anywho it’s 1 in the morning so <33 lovely anon

🥰

oh my god the fact that you cried nearly made me cry too😭😭🥺🥺 (also, your brother LMAO), i wasn‘t even sure if you‘d see it but i immediately thought of you so of COURSE i included you <333

the hulu police lsjsjaiaik, girl i was ready to get a hulu membership when i wanted to watch big time adolescence and i couldn‘t find it anywhereee, and when i got to the payment it said i need a bank account that‘s based in the US or whatever. like bro i was about to pay you!! but i was forced to find it somewhere (and i did, on levidia,— not that i‘ve ever used it because it‘s illegal 😤 i would never!!! i‘d rather support billion dollar companies and spend my money on watching films that i can find for free 🥰🥰🥰 not

i‘ve found chaos walking online so i‘ll watch it som time this week!! also YES TELL ME THE STORY

okay so idk if you watched/are planning on watching falcon and winter soldier but i watched the first episode the other day and they were speaking french (just a few seconds) and I UNDERSTOOD SOME WORDS DLDJDJ and i was so proud of myself. i‘ve only ever learned french with duolingo lol (i only do like 5 mins a day and that‘s why i was so surprised that i understood some of it!!). and yeah apart from latin i feel like italian, german, french and english are all similar in a sense.. i mean obviously they‘re completely different languages but for example there are some grammatical constructions in french that i think i wouldn‘t understand if i only spoke english? so when i translate those things into english you can‘t directly translate them bc you say things differently, but when i translate them into german then it makes more sense to me. idk that‘s something i noticed so i feel like if you already know multiple languages it‘s easier to learn another language compared to if you only know one language and are trying to learn a second one. even if the languages aren‘t similar then i think you get the hang of it easier.

ikd slsjsjs also i don‘t want you to think that i‘m a linguistic genius or anything lmfao, like i‘m only fluent in english and german and i‘m just a wannabe (ew that word) polyglot sksj (yes i had to google polyglot— i do think learning ancient greek would be super cool tho? like imagine studying latin AND ancient greek, whew). and honestly i don‘t think i‘ll ever be fluent in another language bc i don‘t plan on living anywhere other than germany or possibly england and i‘m not dedicated enough to properly learn any other languages esp if i don‘t have anyone to speak the language with. but i still try my best and i just love language/languages as a whole so yeah i‘m happy & just learning as much as i can dkdjh🥰

(I guess language/linguistics are/is my passion (which sounds sooo lame lmaoooo) and the word passion comes from the latin word pati (i think💀) which means to suffer, and in german passion is called Leidenschaft which basically means suffering too, idk why i‘m telling you this maybe you know it already. but ok dumb fun fact, in german you can make compound words with as many words as you like, and the longest official german word is Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz which is a law for the monitoring of labels on beef... this is such a dumb fact but i think about that word like once a day idk why dodjsjsj so... 👁👄👁)

but i‘ll stop boring you with my linguistics talk because truly i don‘t know much about languages but i am interested omg i‘m gonna shut up now.

now water + sharks. (so in non-covid times i always go to croatia with my dad during the summer, and even before ever watching a shark film i was always kind of scared in water.. but after watching so many shark films wldjdj HELP Like you know when you go deeper into the ocean and you can‘t see or feel the ground/floor? anymore.. then i just start imagining sharks. like i can‘t help it i just imagine a shark sneaking up on me or feeling something graze my foot ABD I JUST START FREAKING OUT SSKJSHSJ. idk. anyway kdkdh i do love the ocean/swimming though but the older i get the more i realise how fucking scary the ocean is ( even if we’re gonna disregard sharks)

your brother... what‘s wrong with him? HOw CAN YOU NOT LIKE MUSIC LIKE WHAT THE FAWK

OKAY BUT SAME ABOUT THE ADORE YOU MUSIC VIDEO DLDKDJSJSKSLSLKSKSJSHSH and yeah i have to say harry’s style (styles lol) as a solo artist isn‘t reaaally my cup of tea, and i only like the popular songs from his second album and the first album is only good when i‘m in the right mood (haven‘t actually listened to it in a while though, but kiwi is one of my all time favourites along with only angel but i hate the start, like it takes 40 seconds to actually begin properly). i like mgk and because of him i watched the dirt which is a film about motley crue, and now one of my favourite songs ever is same ol situation and i‘m into rock now lol. +++ justin bieber. I had a justin bieber cardboard cutout thingy😭 i was the biggest Belieber on earth when i was 13-16, but i didn‘t like his last album and tbh he‘s become a bit weird lately, BUT OH MY GOD. i Listened to his new album yesterday and i‘m in LOVE with the song hold on

i really like niall‘s music toooo!!!! And doja cat 😌😌😌😌 And THE VAMPS OG MY GOD. i got to see them live bc they were the opening/support act for little mix and ajdsjskslslsjsjsj. (Also i love concerts, some of the best memories of my life are concerts, i‘ve seen nicki minaj live 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and justin twice and my heart fills every time i think about how excited i was, it was my first concert ever (16th of September 2016 😌) and i was the happiest person alive seeing justin drew fucking bieber (even if i‘m not tooo sure about justin nowadays)

i have a confession? Idk what hamilton is. I mean I‘ve heard about it and i keep googling it but i‘ve never watched it (is it even a film???? or like a proper musical? also pls tell me you grew up with high school musical. i have a few friends who didn‘t and it makes me so sad 😭😭😭 hsm is the best thing to happen to my childhood , the sooooongs— i still listen to some of them every week or month lool they make me so happy)

(Okay wait i was about to recommend some stormzy songs but you said you‘re not that into rap so i won‘t dksksjl)

What you said about my fic AHSLSLSJB (i wasn‘t sure if you sent an ask about it earlier? idk that might have been someone else, so if it was (and you‘ve read it already) i hope you liked it sksjsj i was...... unsure about it. and i have this reeaaallly long peter fic that i started writing in december and that‘s the only peter thing i currently want to write but also i can‘t because idk how to continue kddjj.) but I’m definitely getting back into writing i have a few blurbs that i want to write so 🥰🥰🥰

Oh and pls as soon as you read this let me know: violet or yellow? (it‘s just a tiny thing for my new theme slsksj)

#lovely anon #BY THE WAY: do not feel bad or apologise for not answering straight away #you can take your time i know it can be exhausting (not bc its anything bad but just because its so much and so long) to answer to my shit #all at once* #so really i don‘t mind if you take a few days or a week or whatever to respond #or if you want to you can respond bit by bit/topic by topic whenever you feel like it #so you don‘t have to concentrate on an ask and my post for like AN HOUR DLSKJ but rather do it in smaller chunks #if you want <3 #btw i‘m always so scared that i‘ll type lonely anon instead of lovely dldjdjsksk so if i ever do that i‘m just being #(cue your autocorrect dldkdj) a dumb bitch #its 1 am now sorry if there are any mistakes (i‘ll stop apologing from now now lol but i still am sorry you have to read my word vomit lmao) #*apologis #*from now on #omg

[i-love-you-full-homo]

hi tag  game ig

Tagged by: @ahoycookie Rules: Answer some questions and tag some bloggers you want to know better!

Name: abigail but i hate it a lot

nickname: Ab, Abs which i like a lot better

gender: female

sexuality: i don’t believe i’m experienced enough to label myself as anything, but i’ve been into both guys and girls. 

height: 5″5, maybe 5″6. I think i’m probably wrong

languages: english and i know a bunch of songs in french that i sing, but i can’t  speak the language

nationality: american

current time: 12:00 am

favorite season: winter!!!! i want to freeze my ass off and hate myself for it. especially when im riding. its so fucking cold you cant even feel your fingers, and the wind blowing in your face makes your eyes water but the horse underneath you is a mass heater and youre so warm but so cold and its basically awesome

favorite flower: marigolds for sure. and bluebells, but mainly marigolds. and bluebells. but really my favorite is marigolds. the yellow ones. soft and fluffy

favorite scent: this might be weird, but the smell of horses in the winter. they’re not sweaty during that time, just sort of dusty and it smells really warm and good. i wouldn’t wear it as a perfume, but it’s a good smell to be surrounded by when you’re feeling lonely

favorite color: aaah deep red and light yellow, for sure

favorite animal: i’ve always said lions because i just like the idea of running my fingers through their big fluff manes

favorite fictional character: ah don’t make me choose. i literally love so many and could go on for hours. i’m super obsessed with aizawa from bnha tho. i think he’s badass as fuck

average hours of sleep: not enough. never enough

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: juice

number of blankets i sleep with: one, none if it’s hot

dogs or cats: both for sure

dream trip: anywhere but here, honestly. get me out on the road with a friend or two, some music blasting and the windows down, long highways stretching in front of us for hours in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. my dream trip would just be the trip, hahah. no destination. 

dream job: farmer, for sure. i could write paragraphs-, I daydream about it a lot. I appreciate the hard work of the job, and I always breathe better outside anyway. I wouldn’t stay in the US, though. I’m thinking Ireland.

followers: literally only two. hi guys. hope ur doing well

blog established: two weeks ago, maybe? we’re in quarantine and time isnt real

reason for my url: its a joke my cousin started. im sure other people have done it, but i think it’s funny

random fact: the longest word in the english language is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis 

tagging: i dont KNOW anybody. if u wanna do it, be my guest. it’s fun !

#tag game

[allforthecourtt]

rereading aftg with my dumbass opinions pt. 2 (tfc chapters 6-10)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

look guys! its the highly unanticipated continuation of my reread of aftg!

chapter 6 (aka. meet this MESS of a team)

“My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave.”

neil really never misses an opportunity to remind readers that he fucking buried his mom on the beach huh?

“A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you.”

have i mentioned how entertaining high andrew is? because he’s funny as hell

also rereading these are fun because Nora is incredible at foreshadowing just sayin

“Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.”

how neil would be in the back of the cousins’ car if they let him:

“You?" Neil said. "You can't." Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?" "Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do.”

HO HO HOLY SHIT NEIL

“Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil” to be, though.”

“Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday.”

awe suicidal wretch... glad they’re starting those pet names early

“I don't drink or dance," Neil said.

andrew: i kno u can

“Kevin doesn't dance anymore”

anymore? ANYMORE??? release the cursed events that led to him not dancing anymore Nora im begging you

“Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked. "Nowhere vital," Neil said.

gskjgnsak god i stan this little asshole so much

“She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier”

have i mentioned how gay i am for renee? because im very gay for renee

“Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.”

im also gay for allison ngl

“I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said. "No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. ”

lol remember how neil doesn’t think he’s attractive and yet in 0.1 seconds after meeting him allison is like “yes this idiot is hot enough to piss off the other idiot im dating”

“Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome.”

no offence dan but that’s fucking hilarious omg

that’s kind of like the time my residence floor had to get evacuated bc some kids hotboxed their dorm room

god i love uni

“The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth.”

pfffffttttt i love Nicky omg

also hahahahahah foreshadowing!

“It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?" It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. ”

again this is why i thought they were fucking for like the better part of the first two books

“The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.”

it’s fine i didnt need a heart anyways

this kid is 18 hes A BABY

the first time i read this i was 18 too and like jfc i was a BABY at 18 and so i neil

“One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it.”

sorry let me just wipe my TEARS off my fucking laptop neil honey what the fuck

“He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.”

neil we get it you have depression (me too bitch u aint special)

“Fuck running," Seth said.

now that’s a whole ass mood

“he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.”

haha bitch just wait

“when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.”

remember how at the end of the series his father is waiting on the court but neil wins??? god we love good storytelling

this is such a fucking wild chapter

could you imagine? coming back from the summer and your first introduction to this amateur from arizona is this neil josten level of sass? because i’d probably kill him

first years are bad enough but first years who dont care about other people’s opinions? the fucking worst

chapter 7 (aka. neil does NOT have a fun night out)

“It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.”

that’s just how the straights are

“It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.”

i’ll just leave this gem of a line here

“His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last.”

neil shading himself is actually hilarious how relatable

“Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.”

i actually love the fact that andrew bought him clothes so early on like andrew your gay is showing

“Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.”

i thank god everyday that these books are neil’s pov

“Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going.”

^andrew seeing neil w/o contacts (aka. the ‘i can’t think straight’ vine)

“Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.”

this... is a... gay bar

“Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely.”

i always forget the drinking age in the us is 21 but like this bar really dont care about their liquor license AT ALL lmao

“You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?" "What future?" Neil asked.”

WOW NEIL WAY TO BE A BITCH

“Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over.”

why are the twins literally this gif:

real talk nicky kissing neil like that is horrible and really reflects poorly on nicky as a character

andrew for this entire chapter:

chapter 8 (aka. a hitchhiker’s guide to lying about your identity)

“I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”

this is probably my favourite thing neil does in the entire series ngl

“Wymack grabbed his elbow and hauled him inside. He slowed just long enough to slam the door behind Neil. "Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?”

Why does Wymack literally sound like my father?

foxes: daddy?

wymack: DO I LOOK LIKE

follow up:

kevin: daddy?

wymack: uh yeah

“I don't know what the beef is between you two, but it ends here and now.”

Wymack @ neil: tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that your a vegetarian and your not fucking scared of him

“Then correct me." "Give me a reason." "Besides the obvious?" Andrew said. "If I can't get an answer from you, I'll get it wherever I can.”

andrew:

“I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing.”

“He wondered for a moment if Andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider.”

“Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.”

this is such a good fucking line like i am shooketh

chapter 9 (aka. neil is, like, really horny for exy)

“Are you stupid?" Seth asked. "Yeah," Neil said.”

what a fuckin MOOD

“Neil had almost forgotten why he liked Exy so much. He did his best at practices but these days he worked mostly to keep his teammates off his back. As Neil surveyed Kevin's damage, he finally felt inspired again. On its heels was a hungry, desperate rush.”

“Seth made as if to throw his beer at Neil. "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.”

sometimes i really wish seth was actually given a chance to have some character development

“ "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought." "Maybe I am," Neil said”

another big fucking MOOD

chapter 10 (aka. shocking: university is hard :/ )

“It's fun telling Kevin no," Andrew said with a wicked grin.”

why is andrew like this omg

betsy probably was like just looking for a chill job and was like “oh cool uni students? ill have to deal with like a lot of anxiety, sexual tension, depression and like confusion about the future, not to bad” but NOPE welcome to the fucking MAFIA WARS

“That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy." "Did you bet against him?" "Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us.”

“I hope you didn't lose much," Neil said.”

god why is he such an asshole at every opportunity i love him

“I can take care of myself," Neil said. "Watch me beam with pride.”

wymack is the best father in the world and you cant convince me otherwise

“There was one for every fall team with schedules printed on each. Neil kept the Exy one, tossed the rest into the trash, and buried his magnet deep in his pocket where he didn't have to look at the dates.”

neil “i only care about exy” josten strikes again with his great school spirit

“Palmetto State was facing Edgar Allan on Friday, October 13th”

that’s such a cliche and i love it

“He detoured around students toward one of Palmetto State's three dining halls. Two were for the general student body. The third was for athletes only”

lmao my school literally has one dining hall and it couldnt give less of a fuck what type of student they’re selling food too as long as they’ll pay $15 for chicken fingers

what kind of money does palmetto state fuckin have

like i get us tuition is a lot but jesus so’s mine and my school couldn’t be less fucked

“It was only the first day of school and he already had three assignments: a short paper, a fifty-page chapter to read, and a page of questions about said chapter. Neil debated for a minute as to which one sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.”

1. MOOD

2. first years are so cute thinking that’s a lot of assignments i remember in first year being like “i have to read 40 pages thats so unfair :(” and now i’m like “ah sick only 200 pgs of readings this week? im gonna have so much free time!”

upper year history sucks ngl

“I'm fine," Neil said.”

neil knows exactly two (2) words and those are it

“You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means.”

overall thoughts:

the plot is pickinnnng upppp

i kind of forget how much world building happens in the first book but like its good

also i love neil literally hating everyone its so funny bc like bby these going to be your best friends just wait

anyways that’s all for now

part 3 will be the rest of tfc and then we’ll move onto trk if you guys still want more of this? let me know

love u all bye

#rereading aftg

[jizzlesdreams]

February 1, 2018

This was some wild dream. Ed and I were together and we were having this amazing and crazy sex outside of a classroom. We finished and we were both dead and out of breath. Gus comes out of nowhere and was like you werent like that when we had sex and I'm like lmfao wtf. Gus and I end up talking and catching up. We talk about our relationships and we're both happy for each other.

Next scene, somehow it went to me and Ed again but like it was super weird. We were in this old time vibes..uh it's like that movie The League of Extraordinary Gentleman. I actually kind of forgot this part but shit went down and like we were trying to go against this evil group (we had a group of our own). It went from big cities being destroyed. Then it went to Chicago and we were trying to save it. But like we were like giants and the city was like this small display of it. Anyway, since it was chicago getting destroyed, I'm like ya i need to shrink down to save it. Like there was this huge ball thrown to a bunch of skyscrapers then some dude in a tower who got hit and was saying I'm French dont kill me, but he died lol. So my group and I (I'm p sure kuya is in this but keeps going in and out) get in this scene. We end up in this boat and the feels are Titanic now. And this dude is telling us he will row and row until we're all safe. Then some dude starts shooting at us and we all hide but someone in our boat had a gun and shoots the person shooting at us. Then the rower gets up and tries to beat this guy and then the rower runs back to us but gets shot so it was v sad but we all try to row to shore.

We get to shore and turns out we were playing this extreme board game and we had other board games playing at the same time.

Goes back into the board game, we try to fix everything and not get caught by this bad guy.

Fuck I'm trying to remember this part

But i remember this huge fight scene and then we all got back together. During this time we are talking to each other, we see the rower come back to life and apparently they become evil or not themselves if that happens so im freaked out by this. Anyway, talking to the group, i forgot who the "leader" was but we didnt listen to him cause everyone else lowkey listened to me cause i took part in all of the action. Anyway this dude told us before to not interact with the enemy or other people in this game. Idk why but we all spoke to the enemy to see wtf was going on and to other people in the game. But ed looked at me cause we obvs spoke to people to get more info but the leader saw the interaction and got up in Ed's face and then mine then we had to say we didnt speak to anybody. Then the rower comes out of nowhere acting like Frankenstein cause he was supposed to be dead but also talking like a robot but also had Frankenstein features as in long jank legs and the bod was just weird. Anyway i thought this bitch was evil so i start running down the hall and frankenstein rower tells us hes real and he will lead the next adventure because he already died and this life doesnt matter anymore. So im running and didnt really hear that so i just see him running behind me and it looked super fucking scary cause i thought he was going to catch me but he was just trying to pass me.

I woke up from that cause it was pretty scary.

Im trying to remember more but i cant. The fight scene was suuuper fucking intense and so much happened there but i cant recall. I remember at the part where we all realized it was just us playing board games, we were also playing dominoes but like they were rolling the dice and then used dominoes. It was v bizarre that i was like wtf r they doing then i said fuck it and went back into the board game