#anyway i really really want to write a whole fic about how octavius and amelia met and what went down between them

[the-casbah-way]

im fucking wheezing about that last post lmao. he WOULD. anyway please share the failed marriage lore <3 i love them -rivstyx

i could write an entire prequel on octavius and amelia's cringefail marriage alone but here is just a little lore off the top of my head

they went to rome for their honeymoon and wanted to kill each other after an hour because octavius just wanted to mansplain every monument and statue but amelia wanted to have a Proper Adventure and every time amelia tried to speak to a native to improve her italian octavius would correct her pronunciation before she could even finish her sentence and it got to the point where she was literally begging him to stop talking because he was annoying her so much <3

there was never a proposal. they were just eating dinner one night and it was like "everyone is expecting us to get married" "yeah" "we should probably do that then" "ok"

octavius never told amelia he was getting a cat he just showed up with one after work one day. and amelia started to get genuinely irritated very quickly because suddenly her emotionally constipated husband who has never shown affection in his life was cradling this cat like a newborn and calling it every pet name under the sun and talking to it in a stupid baby voice

all of amelia's friends hated octavius but her parents LOVED him which is half the reason she felt pressured to marry him in the first place. he was the rich successful man they always wanted instead of her and she always resented him for it even though she never said it

they tried couples therapy once but octavius kept zoning out because the therapist was really hot and amelia scrapped the whole thing because every session made her want to strangle him even more

they both hate their parents and it was one of the few things that kept them bonded during their marriage. whenever their parents would visit they'd both do terrible impressions of them while they weren't looking to try and make each other laugh

you know about the dreaded sexting incident but that's just the tip of the sexual nightmare iceberg. there's the time amelia accidentally said the name of one of her male colleagues during sex. the time octavius started getting bored and awkward and nervous during a blowjob and asked if he could read a book during it to distract himself. the time ahkmenrah walked in on them. the time ahkmenrah and octavius had sex literally an hour after the divorce papers went through. i could go on

octavius’ cat vomited on amelia’s favourite shoes once and it caused an entire year long ordeal because amelia was Very angry and octavius was very indignant and annoying about it because ‘well i’m sorry but she had to do it somewhere’ and every time they would go shopping amelia would see a nice pair of shoes and passive aggressively be like “i’m pretty sure i had a pair like that once. i wonder what happened to them— oh yes i remember now :)” and then the whole argument would start all over again

once amelia got jealous of one of octavius’ female colleagues because he was spending a lot of time with her and octavius genuinely could not understand why amelia was concerned about this because he completely forgot he was supposed to be pretending to be straight and into women

one of octavius’ deepest and darkest guilty pleasures is musicals which are amelia’s least favourite thing on this earth and sometimes she would catch him subconsciously singing something from a musical under his breath and she would be like can you please shut up and octavius would get very defensive about it because “its not my fault its stuck in my head someone was singing it at work i don’t even like musicals—” and amelia would be like “oh shut up ive heard you in the shower you liar” and it was like a whole thing

they both have the exact same dry overly british sense of humour so even when they ended up hating each other they were still painfully good at making the other laugh without even trying and they would both get bitter and frustrated about it

#down then left #this ask is SO old im sorry i had this in my drafts and forgot to post it #anyway i really really want to write a whole fic about how octavius and amelia met and what went down between them #i love amelia so much i hope she gets to kill her horrible parents <3