#anyway hope it gives you a larff

[v1ctory-or-sovngarde]

i can't be the only one to have ever thought of this but i had an intrusive thought and it wouldn't let go until i drew it

#i can't draw real horses but wanted to draw............Her #skyrim #skyrim art #tes #tesblr #shadowmere #anyway hope it gives you a larff #my art #as i post this i'm realizing i should have just looked at her saddle and bridle for reference but idgaf i'm here for a good time #not a long time

[deepstheeskimo]

I hope all the red squirrels die of COVID

Forget potential NHS breaches and the economy facing the fate of hibernating hedgehogs that settled down in their pile of leaves but forgot to set an alarm for early November, COVID-19 now has us all arguing about bits of tin.

When Black Lives Matter and its usual two sides of debate rolled around yet again, I did not bother posting anything on my Instagram or Twitter. I saw it as boring and bandwagoning. Whenever we have these debates, two sides of usual suspects come out and repeat the same old arguments with nobody being persuaded to change sides and everyone going home with much the same opinions.

I am a staunch supporter of BLM and racial equality. As a middle class, comp-ed, countryside-raised, heterosexual, white boy, I spent a long old time at university educating myself on the history of colonialism, the civil rights movement and traditions of BAME activism since ‘Britain outlawed slavery’ in 1833. Self-education makes you a more rounded, better person.

When everyone posted black squares on Instagram and merrily hash-tagged, it actually angered me. Well done, cheers for noticing the rest of the world. It only took you being furloughed during a pandemic to ‘clap for our NHS’ and to behave in a personable way to supermarket staff, to eventually spare a thought about mental health and finally - after pausing to wheezily bend double and applaud your profession as the real heroes in all this, your eyes have fallen on centuries of structural racism. Anyone want some academic essays on Angola? Thought not. Pat yourselves on the back anyway, I’ll be back in a sec.

Spurred on by another round of phoney interest, the real activists are now looking to press for some actual change and turns out that the way to make Gary ‘n’ Sandra really squeal is to blow a raspberry at their sainted bits of tin. Going for the Cenotaph always gets the debate in the press but picking something visual that dads on Facebook can’t moralise about is a much better way of keeping it there. So, we end up with Robert Baden-Powell being 24 hour protected by some furloughed painter and decorator in a pop up tent. Bloke clearly just drank too much poster paint in primary school and his wife was fed up with his horrible sexism cluttering up the kitchen for the last twelve weeks. “But the boys dewn the yard larff” he protests.

People were on the news openly and happily offering to fight those that would vandalise the statue. Well bring it on pal, I’ll have a war of words. Here are some of his from 1933: it "augers well for the future of Italy” to see that Benito Mussolini had turned scouting into a nationalist youth. 100 years on from ‘Britain outlawing slavery’ but the nation’s elite had yet to get past fascism.

In 1939 your man’s diary was praising Mein Kampf as "a wonderful book, with good ideas on education, health, propaganda, organisation etc.” Either help me move Robert a few feet closer to his precious Brownsea Island or I’m throwing you in after that bigoted old goat. Oh and, you might have agreed about the aforementioned virtue signallers that only care when they choose. Well if it has taken ‘they’re getting rid of moi statyew’ for you to finally give a fuck about civil rights and Britain’s colonial past then you are hardly better.

Part time Timothy Dalton impersonator and full time MP for Bournemouth East, Tobias Ellwood has been doing the Zoom media rounds today spouting off a manicured line about how statues need protecting because “we cannot hold historical figures to ‘21st Century standards’”. Ok, sure. It is fairer he agrees, to hold them to the standard of the day in which they were erected. Poole’s statue of Baden-Powell was erected in 2008. Tobias somehow has a majority of over 8,000.

At this point Danny and Stacie have looked away from Instagram and towards the most dystopian part of Snapchat – the ‘news’ section. They are aghast. “They’re banning Little Britain? Oh no, Come Fly With Me too?!”. Where will they get their crass racial stereotypes from now? Soon they calm down and it’s back to subconscious circling of the wagons “What’s next, Chinese Alan off Gavin and Stacey? HA HA HAH”. Twitter’s Tory Boys spin the yarn that this is “comparable to censure” which yes is true in the very loosest sense that both are indeed things. Comparable in the same way are nihilism and toast.

Best idea of the day has come from Mark Howell, an Independent Councillor on Poole’s Council and its Deputy Leader. He pushed for a Museum of Scouting to be built nearby to celebrate the movement and attract tourism. Great plan. Let’s take the statue in there as the main attraction. He can even look out a window at his precious island as I rampage around in combat chamo stomping on red squirrels like how Jonny Kingdom terrorises Dartmoor.

Seriously though, the Museum is a good idea and would help the local economy. Big market too, which will have grown following the news story. Just make sure to include a section of the tour for information on RBP’s dark side too, complete with a couple of donation boxes for some charitable causes.

Deeps