#anyhow I’m love them and they love each other in their own terrible gremlinous ways <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

madamescarlette · 4 years

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eden is full of love & advice

because i’m a sentimental gremlin, i like to spend a good amount of time at the end of each year considering what all i’ve learned, how i’ve changed, what i’ve done. these are the bullet points i’ve come up with in that state of mind:

read more, but don’t fill your head with needless words: i feel this constant kind of desperation to read as much as i possibly can, because at this point in my life, most of my reading time is taken up by school and studying. i’ve come to the point where i no longer think it’s good for your reading life to try and read as much as you can- it’s okay to cling to old favorites, and read new recommendations, but you don’t need to feel that desperation of “I’M WASTING MY LIFE BECAUSE I’M NOT REAAAAADIIIIIIIING” like I have for a long time now.

rejoice! our times are intolerable: look. everything’s on fire. it’s okay to not be okay. we all have to find our own ways to fight against the increasing chaos & horror of the world. my way is very little, but it is my way- which is to be joyful in my own life. To take joy in the things and ways that are mine. To greet life with a smile insofar as is healthy for me to do. think of it as my own quiet rebellion against the hopelessness of our times, to be as full of cheer as i possibly can be. it’s my own fight against it all. i hope you can find the one that fits you.

most people are willing to love you, if given the chance: as is the cliche with most of my generation who struggle with self-esteem, i suffer from the aftereffects of some really, really bad self-hatred that means that in my head, i believe everyone who meets me instantly dislikes me and/is annoyed by me. but something has changed for me; i’ve been blessed enough to end up in a headspace where i can see that people are willing to love you. people are, normally, if well-adjusted, trying to love other people. you can present them with the opportunity to love you, of course, but for the most part, people are cheering for you. take faith from that thought.

you do not have a responsibility to make everyone like you: on the flipside, you do not have control over who dislikes you. on the inside, i frequently feel like Pam from the Office- it hurts that anybody could hate me. it’s terribly uncomfortable, to know that people can actively dislike who you are as a person- but it also is just a part of life. it’s okay to not be everyone’s cup of tea. you don’t have to constantly change your temperature to accommodate everyone else- you can just be as you are.

if you are able to, make something with your hands: it doesn’t have to be big, it doesn’t have to be beautiful, it doesn’t have to be often. for me, it’s cooking and knitting. yours doesn't have to be that- learn some embroidering. Take up a guitar. Tweak the decorations of your house. Do something that isn't about giving, but is just about you and your hands, something to get you out of your head and into your heart instead.

if you can't be unafraid, be afraid and happy: it is the simplest, and perhaps best advice maggie has given me. I'm extremely anxious- but there is no way to truly assuage my fears, than to stay afraid and do it anyway. fear will never be a truly lasting thing, and maybe happiness isn't either, but that does not mean they can truly detract from one another. Stay afraid, but be happy anyhow.

don’t simmer in your own shame: it’s a very simple lesson, but one i’ve had to continually (and will continually) relearn. don’t live inside your own head all of the time. go to Confession, talk to your friends, don’t live inside your problems all alone, breaking your back on that isolation. we have a responsibility to listen, but we also have a responsibility to share. it's within the fog of sin that we think we have to solve everything alone- don't let your shame make you believe you are the only person to be this Insurmountably Misguided. you're made to ask for help. you’re not made to drown out here alone. it’s okay to ask for a line to be thrown to you.

there may be a disconnect between what you know and what you feel: and that’s okay. it's okay to have your logical self understand that you are being unreasonable, and yet be unable to help your emotional side deal with the overwhelming amounts of your feelings. there is no cheat to getting over your emotions than to go through them- have some patience with yourself. they shouldn't be dismissed, but they shouldn't fester, either. nobody is truly unreasonable- so your unreasonable emotions still have reasonable endings. your feelings are just as worthy as the logic that fights against them- give them both respect & time, if you can.

make life as full of mini celebrations as you can manage: make as much of a fuss over getting over your molehills as you do your mountains. life is hard; celebrate the fact that you're surviving it, if only in a tiny way only you know. drink your favorite drink at dinner because you made it through a day you dreaded- it will help your heart.

your body is a good body because you live in it: and you are lovable person because you are a person. These things are non-negotiable, even if you cannot feel them. It's a good thing to be alive, to be existing in the body and soul that you are.

don't ascribe too much of your heart to the cult of beauty: belong to it as much as brings you joy to do, but. Please cut your hair. Please wear clothes that interest you. Let go of the eternal chase. Lay down your sword a while, and live inside the world, instead of your head. You are not made to be anybody's ideal, not even your own. Let it go free.

love as much as possible: who cares if it's unreasonable. Love somebody you've known for two weeks. Love somebody for telling you a compliment in passing. we are not very fearless and we are not good at telling about it, but undo the knots on your heart and hold onto everyone around you. it’s your right as a human being to be full of as much love as your heart can possibly hold.

it’s going to be alright: because it is. maybe not how you picture it, not how you want, but it will be anyway. if it’s not right now, i pray it will be soon.

you’re all so close to my heart. i hope you’re all well!!!

#thinking out loud #end of the year roundup #this is a very eden post isn't it #full of run on sentences but mostly Love

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