#another reason is bc the stuff chika huts me hard on are ways too personal so i dont talk about them as comfortably

[icharchivist]

The thing is that i can be loud about my feelings UNLESS those feelings are embarassing to me, which means, especially character crushes

I dont even know if most people know i crush on Chikage hard because i barely talk about Chikage on main despite him setting my brain and heart on fire

Meanwhile i made friend with a Chikage Japanese Artist who often posts Chikaizu and everytime it happens i get super flustered. And since i send them my thoughts about it and it's a fellow selfshipping Chikastan i can sometimes get unhinged about my messages

Literally yesterday i was writing them that their art made me imagine holding Chikage's hand and i was a blushing crying mess the whole comment because i could barely process past this imagery. And it's the second time said artist does that to me.

My Chika crying is limited to That One Artist who specifically feeds on stuff in my head to make me cry. That's where im at mentally speaking.

#this is one of three reasons i never talk about chikage #another reason is bc the stuff chika huts me hard on are ways too personal so i dont talk about them as comfortably #as others thematic i can somewhat distance myself from a bit #and the third one is just thay im still reeling from the time people were usually unnice about him 😔 #so yeah anyway this is a sneak peek in my sobbing crushjng mind #ichatalks about a3 #i am up too early so now i dont have the self preservation to not babble on main. #making it everyone's problems #BUT GENUINELY THOUGH IT DOES MAKE ME SAD #im sure people associate me with hiso and winter a lot by design bc i talk about them a lot #but because of this combo bullshit i dont know if people know im totally always thinking about chikage #which is both good (being unknowable :)) and sad (being unknowable :()