#and when i'm nauseous the only foods i can eat are small sugary things

[yardsards]

i feel like almost everyone with some kind of chronic mental or physical health problem has tried at least one medication that they Fucking Hate

mine's remeron/mirtazapine, what's yours?

#eliot posts #tag game #illness cw #anyway FUCK mirtazapine #made me feel so fucking nauseous but kinda hungry #and when i'm nauseous the only foods i can eat are small sugary things #i reckon my daily caloric intake was like 20% peanut butter cup #and then the MENTAL feelings #did not help my depression one fucking bit #did not help me sleep at all like it was supposed to #made me Awake but in a groggy jittery anxious way like benadryl does #and i was kinda constantly pissed off and wanted to kill a man #the psychiatrist was like ''why did you take it the full month??'' #and i was like idk man sometimes meds take a month to start working and im desperate here #and also was too anxious to call you n check if this was normal or not #it's a miracle i didn't blow up at anyone #but i was full of so much Hatred #i think i have several pissed off journal entries about how much i hate people and want to tell various loved ones to go fuck themselves #an old friend i was talking to said hers was lamotrigine/lamictal #which is ironically the most helpful med i've ever been on #it made her so groggy but she drove anyway and crashed her car (no injuries at least) #OH ALSO dishonourable mention to adderall #it mightve just been the dosage but #it DID feel like it was ripping my soul out through my kneecaps #but it helped my adhd slightly (and in some ways better than ritalin or focalin which don't Do That) so i give it a solid 5/10

[casspurrjoybell-31]

The Consort - Chapter 18 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Finn

All I see is darkness.

A cold, foreboding chill dances up my spine and spreads through my shoulders.

I try to move but I can't.

I jostle my wrist.

Leather straps fight against my movement, unforgiving in their hold on me.

Panic settles into my lungs as I try to move my legs and realize my ankles are bound as well.

"Please," I whisper.

"Oh, please. Help."

My voice is weak and broken from desperation.

My chapped lips burn as I slide my tongue over them.

Everything hurts.

The hunger in my stomach is more agonizing than I could've ever imagined.

Their cries are dull and never ending, ripping through my intestines with a ghostly plea for sustenance.

The blanket of darkness comes to a startling halt and the blindfold covering my eyes drops away to reveal a pair of bright, red eyes staring back at me.

The vampire from the University.

My spirits sink.

So it wasn't just a nightmare.

This demon really did get into Brayden's house and took me away.

The memory feels hazy now, too fast and terrifying for my brain to comprehend.

I remember kissing Brayden one moment and the next being swept up into another vampire's arms.

He hid me beneath his large cloak, pressing me against his chest so hard that I lost consciousness.

I fell asleep in darkness and woke up to darkness, unsure and unaware of what happened while I was out.

Did Brayden chase after us?

Does he even care that I'm gone?

I swallow hard, the familiar burn of tears trailing up my throat.

None of that matters now, anyway.

Somehow I landed here, away from my freedom.

Away from Brayden.

The vampire from the University stands just inches away from me, his smile every bit as cruel and binding as the leather straps around my ankles and wrists.

"Hello, Nirv."

A lone tear spills down the length of my cheek.

He watches it trail down my pale skin.

Just before it slides off the edge of my chin, he leans forward, catching the salty droplet with the tip of his tongue.

I shudder and he pulls away.

"Even your tears are delectable," he says, closing his eyes in a moment of enjoyment.

"I can only imagine what it will taste like when I drink from you."

He tilts his head to the side, waiting to see if I'll say anything in return.

But I don't.

Seemingly appeased, he reaches behind him and pulls forward a small cart housing a few trays of food.

The smell makes my stomach both delighted and nauseous.

"But first things first," he says, opening up the first tray to reveal a large collection of fruits, cheeses and crackers.

"You need to eat and drink. The potency of your blood decreases with the status of your health."

His long fingers gracefully reach down for a grape.

He brings it to my lips.

"Eat," he commands.

I want to refuse. Really, I do.

I want to fight this situation with everything that I can but it feels useless.

I've been captured and Brayden isn't saving me.

Even if this vampire is faster or stronger than Brayden, I don't even remember seeing Brayden after our kiss.

It's almost as if the entire thing was a set-up.

Or maybe he realized I am too much of a burden and willingly watched me being taken by another vampire.

Perhaps he was happy to be rid of me.

Another tear slips down my cheeks and the vampire grins, greedily licking it away with his cool, minty tongue.

His touch is cold and sinister but my body reacts to it all the same.

It's impossible not to.

Vampires are created to have a touch that entices humans.

That seduces humans.

We are their prey, after all and it's in our DNA to want them.

He tells me to eat again and this time I listen.

The grape slips past my cracked lips and I bite down.

A burst of sugary nectar splashes against my taste buds.

I chew on it slowly, savoring the taste of something so simple.

He feeds me ten more before moving to the cheese and crackers.

Just before he brings it to my lips, he pauses and tells me to look at him.

Our gazes collide. It's the first time I've looked at him this closely.

I mean, really looked at him.

His features are harsher than Brayden's, his nose slightly longer and more pointed.

His lips are thin and his eyelashes are the only feature that softens his appearance in the slightest.

I hate to say he is beautiful but it's true.

He is.

"I suppose introductions are in order," he says with a crooked, sinister smile.

"My name is Axel. And you are...?"

"Finn," I whisper pathetically in response.

"Finn," he repeats my name like a cursed song, his voice ominously beautiful and dangerously wanton.

The cheese and cracker combination is brought to my lips and I nibble on the end of it.

I hate that this interaction between Axel and I feels so intimate when really it is nothing more than a case of captive and capturer.

"You and I will be spending the rest of your miserable human life together," Axel promises.

He feeds me the remainder of the cracker and brings his thumb up to wipe away the crumbs from my lips.

His teeth elongate just a hair and his red eyes seem to ebb to a sparkling black color.

"No. We won't."

The words spill from my lips without pause.

I suck my lips into my mouth, suddenly nervous about my outburst.

Brayden said it would be crazy for a vampire to kill me.

That my blood is way too valuable.

But these vampires are just that... crazy.

Axel smirks.

"Oh? And who exactly will take you away from me, Finn?"