#and the only good pictures of me are carefully posed to look Pensive And Vaguely Sorrowful(tm)

[sol1loqu1st]

idk if it's dysphoria or just regular ol insecurity or if maybe i just have a more Autistic Face/Body Language than i realized but when i see pictures of myself smiling there's like a 90% chance i look at them and kind of flinch. i've never seen a picture of someone else smiling and thought they looked bad but i feel like i look like a huge dork in pictures when i'm just candidly happy and it makes me really sad that other people just sort of effortlessly look good in photos and no matter what i do i look like the Bullied Social Reject Who Gets Asked To Prom By A Popular Kid Who Wants To Come Off As Kind And Empathetic

#eugh sorry this is such a shallow insecurity #literally one of my biggest sources of dysphoria is just. My Lips. as a kid i would constantly get asked if i was wearing lipstick #and that question lessened overtime because it's like. expected that someone who's usually read as a woman would be wearing lipstick #i used to literally practice holding my face/doing expressions in the mirror in a way that would minimize how much my lips stood out lmao #it's not even a feminine trait!!!! like it's not my fault western beauty standards expect men to have thin colorless lips #almost all the (cis) men on my mom's side of the family have Big Red Feminine Lips and it's. like. fine. lips aren't fucking gendered #but dysphoria knows know logic and that compounded with the fact that my expressions genuinely tend to be a little wonky #just. makes me feel Really Bad about my face in pictures #idk i just Hate My Smile and i feel like it makes me look ugly and like. i'm not gonna go get plastic surgery about it or whatever because #for me at least that feels really extreme and like an insecurity rabbit hole i dont want to go down #but also like. i just hate that i look shitty in almost every picture #and the only good pictures of me are carefully posed to look Pensive And Vaguely Sorrowful(tm)