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weperseverebyhonestgrins · 7 years

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Darkness || Maroline

I have many feelings about this latest episode, but this was bugging me so I had to write it. Post 8x11.

Matt slammed the mop into the floor, venom dripping from his voice. "And you're part of the darkness."

Overwhelmingly tired, Caroline's shoulders caved in on her as she stood. "That's not fair," she defended softly.

"Yeah," he spat. "Well, tell that to the corpses you just compelled everyone to forget."

Holding his stare for a second, just a second, Caroline wondered if Matt's hatred for vampires overrode everything they had been through together. Every rescue, each healed wound, did he really see it as worthless?

Was she so worthless?

Turning away, Caroline forced herself to keep a human speed as she left the Grill. Heaven forbid she rub her vampirism in Matt's face. As she walked home, she couldn't help but remember the months after she first turned. So terrified to taint Matt's good heart with her bloody fangs, even more scared her fangs would tear into his actual veins.

The night Damon saved her and Tyler from the Lockwood cellar, she had been shocked to hell that Matt knew about vampires. Watching him load that shotgun with wooden bullets, a deadly weapon meant to kill her kind, filled her with more dread than fear. Even if he only wanted it for protection against Tyler's wolf form, Caroline wondered if some part of him wanted to turn it on her - for deceiving him, for pretending it wasn't a big deal that she drank blood, or for daring to turn at all, she had no idea.

It felt like forever since then. Years had passed, yet she was still having the same argument with Matt. He didn't want to kill her then, but he's been more than willing to let her get hurt; Rayna had only kidnapped her with his help, but Caroline thought it was his way of protecting her. A kidnapping had to be better than straight-up murder.

But, maybe he'd be willing to let her die, too.

Pressing a hand to her chest, Caroline fought back the tears as the cold air brushed her cheeks. It hurt to think that under their daily conversations and friendly chats, there was a part of Matt that would prefer her dead to being a vampire. It wasn't a new thing for her, having already dealt with it from her parents in heartbreaking ways. When it came down to it, though, she knew her parents loved her.

Caroline had gone through the existential crisis on vampirism, and she was completely settled on steadfast optimism and doing everything minimize the harm caused by her condition. She faced her darker deeds and tried to take responsibility for her actions. Even as she considered Matt's words, her brain was working overtime on planning a funeral for those Damon killed, whose bodies she'd made disappear. It wasn't much, but it had to mean something, right? She could admit she was glad to be alive, that Damon hadn't killed her when he could have. He literally had the devil on his side to do so.

Maybe that was the problem, the fundamental disconnect between Matt and her life as a vampire. Without vampirism, Caroline would be dead. What her friend hates her for, even if it's just on principle, is what keeps her alive. She crossed her arms, hugging herself tightly as the realization washed over her. She was alive, and Matt resented her for it.

Caroline wiped away a lone tear. She was a vampire, and she couldn't change it. Smothered in a hospital bed, waking up alone and scared, she wouldn't change it now. Baptism by fire and blood, she came out stronger on the other side.

It was one thing to feel guilt for the lives she had taken, and another to make amends for that loss in any way she could. To regret her life and all it had brought her? She had two little girls she loved to their toes, and she was going to get to see them grow up. She was going to get Stefan back, even if it broke her heart. She was going to have a thousand more birthdays to celebrate with her friends and those she loved, whoever that may be in a millennium.

Matt hating her, it hurt, but it wouldn't hurt forever.

Not when she really did have forever to prove him wrong. She might be an enabler, and that was something she could work on. But Caroline was done apologizing for who and what she was. All she could do was be the best Caroline Forbes she could be, darkness and all.

Her phone rang, startling her from introspection and planning. "Bonnie? I thought you were having an Enzo-only day to give him the cure."

Heaving sobs and angry gulps of air were all she could hear, immediately putting Caroline on alert. "What's wrong? Where are you? I'm on my way."

"C-Car-Ca-"

"Talk to me, Bonnie," she coaxed pleadingly, a new fear building in her spine. "What happened?"

Bonnie kept crying, though it sounded like she handed the phone to someone else. Sure enough, Damon's tired voice came through the line. "You might want to sit down for this, Blondie."

Damon pitying her was never a good sign. The one and only time he had was when Liz died. "What is it?" Her other hand folded into a tight fist, nails digging into her skin.

"Stefan killed Enzo, and he was going to kill Bonnie."

Caroline's heart froze in her chest. She watched Stefan die before, black veins crawling up his face as his skin turned grey. The images floated in her mind, sure that it was what Damon was bracing her for.

But Bonnie, she wasn't going to die again. No, it wasn't allowed. She deserved a long life full of love and happiness.

And the Ripper ruined that.

"Enzo's dead," she whispered, Bonnie's cries heart-wrenching but also the silver lining to the dark cloud the Ripper thrived in. She was still alive. "How did Bonnie- Did you ki-"

"She jammed the cure into Stefan before he could get her," Damon sighed. "I'm waiting for him to wake up, but I don't know where this leaves us, Caroline."

Straining to keep her voice even, Caroline bit her lip hard before answering. "Where we've always been," she said, forlorn. "Between a rock and a hard place. Bring them home, Damon. We'll figure it out."

Caroline hung up, the news settling like a lead blanket on her shoulders. A night of defending her vampiric identity, only to find out her fiance was human again. She wanted to be happy to have Stefan back, in whatever form. Visions of happily ever after shook at the foundation, though, suddenly missing an important piece. Dark shadows filled the empty spaces, and Caroline worried that darkness wouldn't just affect her future.

The only light she could see for her present was fed by hellfire. She didn't have to wonder what Matt would say about that; 'good riddance' echoed loud and clear in her mind.

#until the bitter end #maroline drabble #caroline-centric #if they turn caroline human i will consider it a stretch for her characterization and journey and the plot itself #because this cure thing is really my least favorite part of tvd lore #it's inconsistent and overwhelmingly convenient without having real effect #the closest was katherine's arc about being human again and they managed to ruin even that #my heart hurts

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