#and she vents this to rukia who LOSES HER SHIT. rukia is like ‘HEY WITHOUT YOU I’D BE DEAD’! and she’s right!! and she trains with orihime

[malewifehenrycooldown]

Re-reading Bleach’s Arrancar arc, and… god I want to give Orihime a shoulder to lean on and cry on. Just… gosh the poor girl… she can’t catch a break :’(

The moment she has self doubts about her own abilities (a very understandable and normal teenaged thing!) she has an even more stronger insistence to be stronger, and just when she’s about to get a tremendous improvement in her abilites, the bad guys show up (specifically Ul//quiorra) and basically coerces her to join the arrancar because the value her abilities. That refusal would lead to the deaths of her friends, and as a pacifist who doesn’t like violence and wants to keep her friends safe, it’s understandable that such an offer is VERY HARD for her to decline.

May I remind people that Orihime at this point in Bleach is a teenaged girl attending high school. Who just a few months ago almost saw her best friend die (they’re okay but they’re not the same person anymore), had a near death experience herself, and also saw the person she has a crush on be violently defeated in a battle he wasn’t prepared for.

Arrancar arc is really just… Orihime and the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day :(

#I was really emotional when typing this up.. #the momen she considers getting stronger urahara comes around and well intentionally #says that she should sit this fight out because her combat abilities are a liability #LIKE ITS WELL INTENTIONED… but the dude explains it so horribly it just adds to orihime’s self doubt #and she vents this to rukia who LOSES HER SHIT. rukia is like ‘HEY WITHOUT YOU I’D BE DEAD’! and she’s right!! and she trains with orihime #after orihime’s fairy friend gets fixed!! and it’s like!!! FINALLY!! she’ll get the time to shine on the battlefield! #but the arrancar saw that and went ‘hey… what if we stole this human and kept them as our medic? it’s a piece of leverage over #that ichigo guy :) we win either way and they can’t stop us. it’s a foolproof plan!!’ #and they coerce her to join them by threatening the lives of her friends and it’s like!!! #then taking advantage of an emotionality vulnerable orihime is like.. genius storytelling #it’s a consequence of the characters not allowing orihime stand on her own in a fight. they try to protect her so much that they end up #losing her in the end anyways as she joins the bad guys. obviously this is a coerced betrayal. the enemy threatened #the lives of her friends in exchange for her to go with them. so of course!! she’s going to follow their instructions to save her friends!! #I don’t think orihime is THAT naive I think she’s more kind than naive. she wants to see the best in people even if they are her enemy #she did that a lot in the soul society infiltration arc #i think her real weakness is that she’s kind to a fault but the fact she chooses TO BE KIND even in the face of evil gives her #so much character and personality to her. she’s a good person who wants to do good and to be better; to help OTHERS BE BETTER!! #hi I’m normal about a fictional character sorry… #bleach spoilers

[karinakamichi-fanfictions]

Story: Release, Prologue & and Chapter 1 (self-harm warning)

I don’t own Bleach

...Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Renji had cursed before, so it wasn't like it was new.

"Hey, speak t' me! Can ya hear me?! Shit…"

But he was desperate this time.

Just a few hours ago, everything had seemed okay, or at least normal. Rukia had been smiling and laughing with everybody else, like nothing could be better.

But it wasn't until he found her with her arm and wrist covered in blood and her beautiful skin marred with too many slashes to count that he realized something was indeed wrong.

She had been sitting against a tree, not to far from the training ground they had been at earlier. It was just luck and a coincidence that he was still in the area when her spiritual pressure had spiked. The blade she had used was lying a few inches over, abandoned and caked in dry blood.

Rukia's been cutting herself?! An' it looks pretty bad too! How did I not know anything? I gotta do something, but what...?! I suck at medical kido…! Dammit!

"Ren...ji…?" Her turned around from his panic to notice that she was up looking at him, her once vibrant violet eyes dull and all too painful to look at.

Fuck. I can't lose her like this.

"Yeah, it's me." He said, his voice quavering, as he picked her up, and began running towards the fourth squad barracks. "Look, I'm gonna get you help, Rukia, I swear it. So just stay with me, okay?"

She must be close to passing out. She looks so pale and fragile...

Rukia gave no response, her eyes drooping and closing, despite Renji's pleas for her to keep them open.

Renji cursed, but quickened his pace. Don't ya dare die on me...!

...

The room that Rukia had been put in was silent. Her arms had been bandaged by some people from the fourth squad barracks. She had finally woke up, but hadn't said anything in a while.

Renji was sitting by her bed, barely holding himself together, although he was a little calmer than he had been earlier, now that her arms had been bandaged up and the color had returned to her body and face.

Even so, he still was having a hard time processing what the hell had happened.

Rukia's the strongest person I know. Why would she be doing something like this to herself? Did she really feel like she had no other option? Doesn't she know she can trust me and the others...?

Renji desperately wanted to speak, to say something to break the damn silence, but he didn't know exactly what to say, for fear of upsetting Rukia and just making everything worse.

How long…? How did I not notice anything?! It should have been so fucking obvious!

He tried to ignore the fact that he would have to report to Byakuya that his sister had been cutting herself. He tried to ignore the fact that Rukia had nearly died and ignore the memory of her covered in so much blood. He wanted to ignore the fact that they were here, in such a place. However, what he couldn't ignore was the bandages all too visible on Rukia's arms in the present, and the dead expression that had been on her face when he found her.

"Yer skin is beautiful, Rukia. Why’re ya doin this to yourself...?" He finally mustered the courage to ask in a choked voice. Under normal circumstances, Renji would never say such things like calling her beautiful, out of fear of getting kicked in the face or something, but now, he didn't care. He wanted her to see the beauty in herself that he saw. He couldn't possibly understand why Rukia would want to rip her own skin to pieces, but he wanted to.

Rukia was silent for a long time, continuing to stare towards the wall.

To say she didn't quite remember how or why it had started would be lying, but she had long ago deemed that as irrelevant.

What mattered was that it helped, in some way. Cutting helped distract her from unwanted thoughts and anxiety. It served as a sort of punishment for everything wrong she'd done in her life. It helped her connect to something when she felt disconnected from her family and friends, the blade gave her a sense of belonging. And it helped in more unspoken ways.

It was ironic, really. Despite being so good at supporting others, she was terrible at outsourcing and dealing with her own feelings. She didn't want to weigh others down or be a burden to them, so she held her feelings back. She forced herself to smile and act strong, so the others wouldn't worry. Maybe it made her a hypocrite, but it wasn't something she knew how to stop.

And more than anything, she'd hoped nobody would ever find out about this, especially not Renji, because she knew he would be hurt by it. In fact, she had also expected him to be angry, so when he wasn't, she was a bit surprised to say the least, but the surprise had passed as soon as it had come, only for the emptiness and anxiety to return to her chest.

However, at hearing his words, she couldn't bring herself to deprive him of an answer, after he had to witness such a thing, even if she didn't believe his compliment for an instant. "It distracts me..."

Renji was quiet for a moment, waiting to see if she would continue, before probing further. "Distracts you from what?"

Rukia, however, clearly didn't want to discuss it. It wasn't something she could put in just a few sentences, and distraction naturally wasn't the only motivator."...I already gave you my answer, didn't I? So just drop it, Renji."

Renji sighed. Normally, he would say something snarky like, "Fine, I'm sorry for caring," but knowing that was what she wanted, he refused to give into her provocation, despite how tempting it was to do so. "No, I won't. I want to help you, but I can't unless you're willing to let me in."

"You wouldn't understand..." Rukia said in a despondent voice. At this point, Renji knew the conversation was over and that Rukia had no further plans to talk about it, so he sighed and got up. Heck, she probably wanted and needed some time alone after what had happened. This was a monitored room, so leaving her alone, at least for a short while, shouldn't be an issue.

"Fine." In reality, he wanted to embrace her, he wanted to shout and do everything in between, but he couldn't. Not in front of her. "But I'll always be here t' lend an ear if you have t' vent or somethin'..."

"Also..." before turning away, he decided to say something else. "you do have people you can trust..., Rukia. You don't always have to do everything alone. Anyways, I'll be outside if ya need anything..."

Suddenly, at hearing Renji's words, Rukia was reminded of something Kaien had once told her.

"Just remember that you always have people that you can rely on, Rukia. Even when you think you're alone, there will always be people there to support you, to guide you through it when you're at your lowest."

I'm so sorry...

Renji, who was preparing to walk off, was taken aback when a hand gripped his sleeve, stopping him in his tracks.

"Don't..." Rukia was looking at him with more life in her eyes than he had seen in hours. But it was fear. "Don't leave me, Renji..."

"Alright, I won't." Renji felt a lump in his throat at hearing her low plea, but, without hesitation, he sat back down beside. "So what's with the sudden change of heart...?"

He felt a small smirk teasing his lips.

"It's nothing..." Rukia felt a small blush lurking on her face. Even she was taken aback at the way she had acted. "I just remembered something is all."

In reality, she didn't want to be alone right now. In reality, she had always been afraid of him thinking less of her or being disgusted by what she had been doing to herself, but she was glad he wasn't. In reality, she wanted to tell him everything that was troubling her. In reality, she wanted to fall into his arms and let everything out, but her pride wouldn't let her.

She tried not to think about how disappointed Byakuya would be once he found out. She tried not to think about how hurt and worried Orihime, Chad, Ichigo and even Uryu would be if they found out; tried not to think about what the others would think or even what this would do to her position in the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. She tried to ignore how this would likely impact the other aspects of her life, but she would be lying if she said it wasn't troubling her, or if she said that she didn't want to cut herself more than ever right now.

So being by Renji's side was better comforting than being alone with her thoughts.

And much to her relief, he didn't press her to explain further.

...

A/N: I hope that chapter one turned out fine, y'all, please review if you will.

You can follow the story at https://archiveofourown.org/works/17772179/chapters/41935214 and https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13204401/1/Release

#renruki #renruki fanfiction #eventual renruki #bleach fanfiction #bleach fanfic #renji abarai #Rukia Kuchiki