#and she doesnt want ne to harm myself any more than i already have

[road2manjuumaster]

im gonna yell in the tags just to be safe but i am THINKING

#tw ed mention in the tags > #so fun cater fact #im not formally diagnosed but i mean. do i rlly need to be? #ive had eating problems for basically my whole life?? bc as a dancer and ESPECIALLY as a young afab dancer there were body standards #we know this it sucks #and if youve read like. anything ive ever written you can probably tell i project that into arashi REALLY hard #and now im sitting here ( instead of eating lmao ) feeling soft about #arashi being there. like trying to support me and help me get better. bc shes been there and she doesn't want me to suffer #qnd it hurts her to see me like this #like shell always invite me to eat lunch with her and shell make me something and wven if its not much its better than what id usually have #( nothing ) #bc at the very least knowing its from her for me specifically would make it just a little easier #and thinking about how if i asked her to give the cal count for each thing in what she made me she would #bc if i dont know then ill straight up refuse to eat it or ill try to overcompensate cuz i dont know how much it was #and she doesnt want ne to harm myself any more than i already have #f/oposting #its so funny how i didnt think twice about the midoteto suicide pact post but THIS #THIS needs to be out of immediate view #idek if this counts as gush #⚜️