#and no one i've reached out to for psychological help has any availability so we're just winning over and over again this week ✌
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that last reblog hurt bc my particular brain issues right now have leeched all the creative drive out of me in a way that has NEVER happened before and left me feeling like a hollow doll walking around
but i'm hoping with treatment that will go away. it has to. god please it has to
#i didn't even feel like this when i was suicidal like some of my most authentic art came out of that time bc i still had the urge to create#i'm not suicidal now (yay) and yet. i feel emptier now than i did then. it makes no fucking sense#i miss having ideas. i miss being able to sit down with a paper and do more than a vague unfinished doodle#I CAN'T EVEN WRITE. it makes me feel like i'm already dead#anyways got my first class of the semester day and feel like a walking ball of nerves over it for no reason#and no one i've reached out to for psychological help has any availability so we're just winning over and over again this week ✌#personal shit
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