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dlugo7-blog · 4 years

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Still Here.

Disclaimer:

I’ve seen so many wins and losses, both in my life and in others’, and I wanted to share my experiences from what was quite easily the toughest 365 I’ve ever faced. This isn’t to bring attention to myself, but more so to let you know that we’re all human. I hope you read this and it helps you somehow; whether you can relate or not, we’re all in this life stuff together. Be confident, be you, always.

It’s been… a while? Sure, the decade is coming to a close, and it’s great that many are reflecting on the last ten; however, I myself wanted to focus on this past year in particular.

Making decisions is inevitably a part of life that we eventually must tackle with confidence. The spectrum of decisions features endless possibilities: from black or white socks in the morning, to which job you should take, one is small, one is big, both are crucial.

I made a decision at the end of last year that changed my life forever. This decision was something that I never envisioned happening. When I say never, I mean not one millisecond did my mind wonder off into a state that featured this decision coming to life in any way, shape, or form. There were plenty of reasons that I didn’t think that a decision like this would ever have had to be made, but the main ones were the power in and faith of love, which I still possess to this day.

With that decision came the darkest days of my life, but opportunistic ones subsequently. I started a new position at Nike, which consisted of a three month “stretch assignment” as a part of the music team. I was primed and determined to obtain a corporate-level position after the 90 days because I knew that I had worked my ass off and was ready for the next step in life, but also partially because I needed the aforementioned next step for the sake of my own mental.

The first month was full of learning and growth; I was blessed yet again to rub shoulders and engage in conversation with some of the most creative, hard-working people that I had ever met. For my Nike vets out that made the choice to read this, I was just trying to be a sponge early on in the process. January was a blur, but it closed with me being asked, “is your schedule clear for the first week of February? We want you to go to LA.”

*cues “Bicken Back Being Bool”* The night before leaving, I had one of the toughest conversations I’ve ever had in my life; one that semi-clarified the direction in which my life was heading in. I’ll never forget the ride to the airport in the morning; I let it all out in that Uber while texting my inner circle. I told them that I was scared as fuck, in so many ways, but I thanked them for always keeping me afloat in midst of this life shit. I’ll say this until I am blue in the face, but you are only as strong as your support system. I’m often one to bottle up, but we’re all human at the end of the day, and I have no shame in admitting that. I boarded the plane, my brain scrambled, with my first solo work trip staring me in the face.

I landed in LA, arrived at my hotel, and walked into a room that was straight out of the movies. TV mounted on a pole in the middle that swerved whichever way you wanted it to, king-sized bed with a bathtub adjacent to it, and a mirror the size of a Manhattan skyscraper. The best part was the fruit platter that was assembled on the table, which had an envelope propped up against it that said “Mr. David *middle name* Lugo.” I felt like Hov, y’all. I can’t lie.

The trip was full of nothing but positivity. I’m forever grateful to the both East and West music teams for showing me an insurmountable amount of love throughout my time with them, but this trip in particular was something I’ll never forget. I got the opportunity to meet so many people in higher places, and experience things “on the other side.” I was ten feet away from Jorja as she performed, and I was never so close to losing a job in my life. That’s cap, but, what a moment that was. “If you asked this little kid from Brooklyn who had dreams of being in the MLB if he would be on a work trip in LA working in the music world, he would’ve looked at you like you were crazy. Thank you for taking a chance on me.” That’s the text I sent in gratitude at the conclusion of the trip. I meant every word.

Time passed, and I kept working hard, as always. I started to gain some traction, some momentum, both physically and mentally. Then, March 31st came. I’ll never forget being on Dave’s couch watching Duke and Michigan State when Ian stopped and said, “Not Nipsey, man.” I frantically refreshed Twitter, the only word I could utter was “fuck.” Thirty-three years old, shot and killed in front of what he built. He’s playing in the background as I type this now, and it still doesn’t seem real. I’ll never forget coming to work and talking to Kha about it. He said, “that’s so crazy, because you always tried to get me to listen to Nip.”

The next day was the start of my last week at the office. I barely spoke to anyone that day, because that shit hurt. It still does, there’s no way around it. Ironically, one of my close friends was getting married in LA that weekend. I’ll spare the details, but despite my hard work and determination those few months, the stars weren’t fully aligned yet, and there was no room for me to join the corporate team. The trip to celebrate love couldn’t have come at a better time.

I made my way out West, and it was bittersweet for obvious reasons: the decision to close out the last year, Nip’s death, not getting a permanent look at the office, and a variety of other life obstacles all weighed on me. We pulled up to Slauson to pay our respects, and hundreds of people were gathered to celebrate Hussle’s life. As emotional as it was, the love and energy that was there was truly special.

Wedding day came, and to see love at its’ peak was a beautiful thing. My friends were so happy to be joined in marriage; the company, the scenery, the aura, all of it was perfect. They even walked out to “U See Us,” and I was so gassed that I went and thanked them after. Nip blaring out of the speakers as they walked into the hall was something I didn’t expect. Full transparency, as gushingly happy as I was for everyone involved, I was selfishly sad a bit. Reflecting is great, but reminiscing isn’t always the same. A combination of the two made for a constant tug of war in my mind. As I sat in the airport waiting for my departing flight back home, I couldn’t help but think how this could’ve been me soon.

I got back home, hot to cold, literally. Back at the store, I felt trapped again. Creatively, I was fed up with my lack of progress due to circumstances that were out of my control. The one constant positive thing about that door was the people and the running community that was built there. I loved being that guy to round the troops up to go for a run after work, motivating others to join me regardless of their running experience.

A big step in my personal growth this year had a lot to do with running, as many of you may already know. I took it extremely serious, and developed a new passion that I never could’ve imagined coming to life. This new found passion allowed me to lead in a new way, inspire in a new way, and most importantly be happy in a new way. I am forever grateful for every single person that encouraged me, ran with me, or was involved in the journey that is still going to this day. I’m forever in debt to you all.

Skipping a few months of a routine cycle, which led to this.. Remember that opening paragraph about decisions? Well, I faced a pretty fucking massive one in July, when I stepped out of the box and bet on myself. Real quick, though, shout out to Roddy for a late contender for Song of the Year with “The Box.” Unbelievable.

Anyway, I felt stuck and decided to reach out to someone who had offered me some help a while back if I ever needed it, based on some work that I had done in the past. I took his word for it and set up a meeting. That meeting led to another meeting, which led to an interview, which led to a 90+ degree day in July. I was at Citi Field for Go Play Day with Nike, when I got a text from said person saying that he wanted to speak about a potential offer. I couldn’t take the call because I was occupied teaching first graders the proper fundamentals on how to field ground balls and step into their throws. Clearly more important. So serious, by the way.

The call happened the next day, and I was offered a job. Holding back tears like Will in The Pursuit of Happyness, I thanked the other end of the phone a million times, and the call ended. I broke down, my pals. The accumulation of hard work, persistence, struggle, pain, and everything you could imagine had brought me to this point. That’s where I’ve been since August, putting in some serious work with an All-Star team. I’m leading my own year long project, and doing the damn thing.

Damn, it’s been a while since I’ve written. I’m tired. I’ll use this paragraph to tell y’all some random facts about the year. Amanda and Darren had a baby, and Adonis is perfect. He’s a baby me, and I can’t wait to take him to the park. I went to Oregon and Seattle, went up to the Space Needle which was beast, and had a peaceful time exploring such a beautiful coast. I went to more of Ian’s plays because he’s a superstar. I ran with Dave because he realized I’m not trying to be a bodybuilder like he is, so to get him to run was like pulling teeth. Freddie Kitchens is the worst coach ever. I started going to church this year, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made in quite some time. I dyed my hair because, life? I got two tattoos, one of which has been years in the making and is an ode to Sade, Bob Ross, and myself. I fell in love with Snoh. I don’t know, a lot of shit happened.

To close out this damn near novel of the year, I want to say that I’m proud of myself. I’m still standing, and I didn’t know what to expect as I wrote this. It was emotional, without a doubt. I’ll continue to reflect, I’ll continue to reminisce, and I’ll continue to be human. I encourage you all to do the same. I’ll continue to walk in faith, and give all glory upstairs. I don’t really know how to close this, which is weird, but as I always say, love is love. Whether it’s to close out this decade, or to start the new one, make a decision. Right or wrong, have faith it’ll all work out. I still do.

- The Boy

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