#and it def doesnt help that valentines was last week bc that always fucks w my mental health ngl

[silverislander]

we've had three snowstorms in the past week so we're essentially snowed in rn and i'm starting to lose my mind abt it a little

#doesnt help that i havent been able to get out in a while to begin with bc ive been busy w school #or that bc of the way schedules have worked out i havent been home alone for over a week now (which helps me relax) #and it def doesnt help that valentines was last week bc that always fucks w my mental health ngl #i know i need to get out of the house Soon but like. idk when ill be able to #levi.txt #theres also the issue of driving. the snow is piled up way above the cars so its really hard to see around turns #which makes my parents nervous so they dont want to let me drive #which means i have to either ask my friends for rides (anxiety inducing) or ask my parents to go w them (doesnt help my anxiety at all) #the whole POINT is being mostly alone when i do these things and being able to do it /on my own time/. my parents dont allow that #if i go out w my mom she wants to go do the thing were 'there for' (there Has to be a purpose for the trip) and IMMEDIATELY leave #if i go w dad hes better for it but hell get tired and make jokes abt not wanting to be there the whole time #im supposed to be getting out once a week to learn to cope w my anxiety and im lucky if i make it once a month anymore #i want to go to the mall i want to go to the thrift store i want to go to the bookstore and the craft store and just fucking Go Out #not even to buy anything just to see smth different idk #just like. SOMETHING other than home -> school -> home again where nothing ever changes #and my parents suggestion to fix this is 'why dont you go for a walk' #theres One trail nearby. weve lived here my entire life. it never fucking changes. im bored out of my fucking mind #what is there even to see? more snow? the exact same trees there are anywhere else? crows and gulls MAYBE? #also im just not a big outside person esp when its cold. sue me