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#and i'd at least manage not to act inappropriately towards someone i knew if they were in that position.
proto-language
·
4 months
Text
hrngnfghnfg
#just thinking aloud but
#i dunno. kind of feel like the last Barrier between me and Normal Personness or whatever
#is just. i feel so completely and utterly unable to feel empathy specifically with regards to children and childbearing and childrearing.
#like. i have known ever since i was small that my parents lost other pregnancies before me and between me and my sister. and all i could
#feel about that as a kid was 'thank god because i never wanted a sibling anyway' and 'uh well i never asked to be born soooo... so what'
#and now as an adult. i know that it's a terrible thing to suffer a loss like that.
#and i'd at least manage not to act inappropriately towards someone i knew if they were in that position.
#but i still can't find any of the *feelings* about it.
#which is strange because i usually feel Everything So Much.
#i also still don't understand when people talk about like. instantly falling in love with their kid or whatever
#like maybe i almost get it if it's a child you've gestated for nine months and then given birth to.
#but i feel like people *must* be at least partially lying about it when it comes to things like adoption
#because there'd be such a high psychological and social penalty to admitting that you felt anything less.
#adoption in general drives me crazy like i cannot Believe that it's still just a really accepted alternative to having a biological child
#when... any kid who has had to be removed from the circumstances into which they were born and given to new people
#is surely going to be traumatised or have issues or however you want to put it.
#and it can't possibly be the Same Thing as having a... fresh baby of your own.
#anyway. i feel some sympathy for and plenty of logical understanding of children and parents.
#but none of it makes sense to me on the level on which i usually connect with people.
#and hell maybe everyone feels that way until they have a kid. in which case i think everyone
#is wildly irresponsible for having those kids without knowing they're gonna like it or be good at it and hoping it'll just work out. lmao
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