#and i was back on my feet just over a week later 🙃 but seriously

[fingertipsmp3]

Me earlier: oh actually I don’t think my PMS has been that bad this time around?? Maybe microgynon is stabilising my mood

Me just now: *reading people’s stories about knee sprains and sobbing from sympathy*

#i had the bright idea to research knee sprains. as if 1) i don’t already know enough (having now experienced FOUR) #and 2) that wouldn’t cause my anxiety to spike through the fucking roof #there was this one man’s story though that got me #he said he went to the urgent care and the doctor was more focused on telling him about how overweight he was than examining his knee #he ended up getting his prescription and going home but then while he was trying to limp around doing his chores he put his weight on his #knee wrong and it TWISTED #and i was reading this going 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 because i know EXACTLY what he means #the pain of a partial knee dislocation is… not something i can explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced it or something similar #it is. gut wrenching. i don’t know how i didn’t throw up any of the times it’s happened to me #what hits you before the actual pain is the Wrongness of it. it feels like you’ve broken yourself. and you feel so so sick #then the pain hits you and all you can do is scream #it’s so horrible. the first time i did it i thought i’d broken my leg. i felt on some intrinsic level that i had damaged myself irrevocably #i saw like weeks or months of hospital stays and rehabilitation in my brain. i thought i was disabled; possibly permanently #then i went to a&e and found out i’d partially dislocated my knee leading to an overextended ligament #and i was back on my feet just over a week later 🙃 but seriously #this time around it’s been 2 weeks and i still can’t straighten my knee while i’m standing up; i can’t put my weight on it #and i can’t stand or walk for longer than 5 minutes. with or without my brace #it’s scary!! like helloooo. i would like to go back to my (extremely physical; i’m talking 7.5 hours a day on my feet) job sooner or later #and i know i’m improving but it really feels like it’s absolutely minute. like. i was going to send my boss an update but then i realised it #would be exactly the same as the one i sent last week. i still get fatigued if i stand for more than a few minutes. i’m still just barely #getting around my house. like… #people keep asking ‘how’s the knee’ every single day and i’m like ‘it’s the fucking SAME’ like use your brain. #it’s not going to fully heal overnight!! it’s not even going to be much different #god i Wish i’d gone to the hospital when i first did this. i wish i knew for certain i hadn’t torn anything #like i don’t think i’d be able to move as well as i can if i had. and i think i’d have a lot more pain #but SERIOUSLY. i know i probably shouldn’t clog up the a&e but is there a way to go to the hospital with a knee sprain after 2 weeks #and be taken seriously. or should i pretend it only just happened. #i don’t think i could pull that off considering there’s only minimal swelling left. but my knee does look fucking bizarre i’ll give it that #okay if i still can’t walk properly in another week i’m showing up at a walk in or somewhere and refusing to leave til someone looks at me #personal

[californiagoddess]

The leasing agent from the apartment I (really really) want must have something personal going on because twice I've gotten auto replies saying "I'll be out of the office until x date" and in her non-auto reply she said she had "unexpectedly been out for the past couple weeks." I just thought it was the holidays. Anyway most recently she asked if I wanted to reserve an apartment and 3 days later I said yes and she's supposed to be back Monday. I've been dragging my feet a bit because obviously I need proof of employment to be approved, and I don't have that yet (just started so no pay stubs, and usually they want at least 2).

When I got my current apartment, I was new to LA and neither I or my bf had proof of employment because we'd both just started working. They told us the only other accepted form of proof was an employment verification letter, and both our jobs refused to provide that 🙃🙃🙃 but my bf's manager felt bad and, against the company's wishes, wrote a letter for him. Since we were both at Starbucks at the time, I copied his and signed a fake person's name so if it all went to shit at least I wasn't impersonating anyone. Lmao.

Now that I've lived here a while, I know the apartment manager is too lazy to do any part of her job, let alone verify employment. But the apartment I want is a lot more professional and will likely verify. So idk what to do. I seriously don't want to wait a month to get 2 pay stubs, especially since this temp job might be over by then. This apartment will open February 20th and she asked me to reserve last week. God knows how much longer I'd have to wait if I can't get this one. I'm trying to not stress and trust everything will work out but fuck it's hard when my neighbors literally never stop torturing me with their noise

#that probably sounds so dramatic but I swear it really feels like torture #physically hurts. feels like pounding in my head