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that-one-weeb-but-starwars · 3 years

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A Marriage Arrangement with death pt 4

All I can say is well. Well my bad-

Read Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 3.5

Y/n's eyes slowly opened, turning her head she was face to face with Savage.

Smiling softly her hand reaching out for his face, rubbing Savage's cheek with her thumb lightly.

He slowly woke up, his irises bright in color and lowly shining in the dark room. Y/n said nothing- thank the gods for black out curtains. She thought his eyes were so pretty with there soft glow

He kissed the palm of her hand softly as she smiled, leaning forwards they shared a soft kiss.

"Well good moring." She smiled.

He only sighed, pulling her into his chest as she chuckled.

"Go back to sleep."

"Come on we can't stay in bed forever." Y/n responded kissing his chin, he was rubbing her bare back with one hand she smiled at him, relaxing in his grip she sighed happily.

"We're getting married today."

"Again."

Y/n chuckled, "You don't want to get married again?" She teased.

"Why unify again and tell the galaxy when my galaxy is infront of me."

Y/n flushed deep red, as she moved her gaze away, her chest tightening and butterflies filling her stomach.

"Oh...I..." she spoke trying to come with a counter. His hand carassed her cheek as he sat himself up.

Y/n kept her gaze away the headboard seemingly more interesting, but soon then she realized she was laid down on her back, Savage over her frame as she looked at him to catch his gaze- and hold it.

"Hello there..." y/n spoke trying to cover her akwardness.

He leaned down kissing her softly without another word, her arms wrapping around his large frame, hands rest at the top of his back.

Pulling away softly Y/n whined playfully, chuckling he held her, she pulled him back down into a kiss happily as a leg wrapped around his bare waist.

A soft groan of pleasure was drawn out into the kiss and the two pulled away softly with a pant.

"Moring sex sounds fun." Y/n joked as he chuckled, going to kiss her again there was a knock on the door.

Y/n groaned in displeasure, its always someone. Pulling herself from under him she covered herself with a robe. Walking towards the door it opened with a push of a button.

"Oh- Misses Gladlys-" y/n responded, "I uh...why are you here?"

"I was requested to get you on account of your mother Princess."

Y/n nodded, "uhuh for?"

"Well to get ready of course. It is your big day."

"The ceremony isnt till later in the day?" Y/n questioned.

"Well yes but-"

"Misses Gladys I love you. And you know that. But I have another matter- Very Very big matter."

"But Princess."

"Just this once. Give me..." She spoke looking back at Savage, his hips and below covered by the blankets as his top half was put on full display for her, "Give me 45 mintues-"

"Fourty-Five Mintues!? Princess you're mother-"

"Sorry Misses Gladlys! I promise just once! Bye!-"

"But Princess-"

Y/n shut the door, locking sealing it shut from the inside.

"Now." Y/n spoke turning back to him walking towards the bed as she dropped her robe.

"Where were we?"

"Sleep."

"Right."

She climbed into bed as she curled up to him, his arm drapped over her hip in protection.

"The sweet glory of sleeping in." Y/n smiled nuzzling into his chest as he chucked, both going back to sleep for another hour.

Yet she would be woken up by a loud knocking, causing her to groan. Savage was also woken up as Y/n pulled away from him recovering herself she opened the door.

"Do you have any idea what time it is!"

"Yeah Yeah Im going." Y/n spoke walking back into the room and going back to Savage.

"Wish me luck with her- and someone will be here with a set of chlothes. My brother's will want to talk to you before hand," Y/n spoke kissing him softly, "Love you."

"I love you too."

She smiled as she left, being yelled at as soon as she opened the door.

"Yeah yeah lets go."

Savage sat up rubbing the back of his neck, meanwhile getting dressed his chlothes from the other night, pulling the boots on and bottoms, leaving his armour off he pulled on the turtle neck. That's when he received a transmission.

Picking up the hologram fromed as Ventress stood there.

"Savage."

"Mistress."

She crossed her armors, "has she trusted you?"

"Yes." Savage spoke, "I believe this may be a strong allyship between the two worlds-"

"You fool! This is an infiltration! Do not get attached!" Ventress argued.

"I thought this was ment to be Unification. Not a hoax." Savage tried to defend, but it was useless.

"Count Dooku will be present today both at the ceremony and to sign documents. Its when we will attack, killing Count Dooku and the royal family. And Dathomir will finally regain what was lost to them."

What was he suppose to say- No? He couldn't do that, he did belong to Ventress after all. The spell did what it was ment to.

"You will kill the royal family! And that Pathetic thing you call your wife." Ventress demanded.

"Yes. Mistress."

"Good."

The transmission was cut as his head felt like it split open, holding it in pain he growled.

The doors opened.

"Hey! Savage! We wanted-" it was one of Y/n's brothers, "You okay?"

"I-I am fine." Savage lied.

"Oh. come on then."

He followed the group leading him into a lounge area, all her brothers sat there. They cheered for him as he ended.

"Big day huh! Must be exciting!"

"You idiot he was married at Dathomir as well."

"Your an idiot!"

"Sorry for them." Fresco spoke apologizing for the twins, handing Savage a cup, "for your headache."

Savage nodded almost immediately downing the water, leading him to come sit down

"You heard fathers coming back?"

"Good maybe mother will finally stop being so mean."

"Please you know she bullies him too."

"You havent met all of us have you?" Fresco spoke.

"No I don't believe I have."

Fresco smiled, "there is a lot of us. You know the twins and Attiucs."

The twins were busy arguing but Atticus waved looking up from his book.

"Ezio here is the oldest." The older teen raised a cup taking a drink.

"Im after him, and Jacob's next, after are the twins but you met both of us" Fresco added, "Juniper is next."

The teen with his hair half buzzed the other side long and braided lifted up a lazy hand, sitting upside down on the couch as he listened to his brother.

"After Juniper its Atticus, and then the triplets."

They were busy dualing around the room with sticks, "Cornelius, Hamilton, and Magnus."

Hamilton stopped to wave Politely but was ran into by his two siblings as they fell onto the floor.

"What about you? And your brothers? Sisters?" Juniper questioned but Atticus kicked him.

"You little shit!-"

"I don't have any brothers. Not no more." Savage responded his glass being refilled by butler standing by.

"Hey! We got you. We're all brothers now." Fresco spoke a fist to Savage's shoulder playfully, "we're an off bunch but mean well."

The group contuied to talk to Savage, it was odd how accepting they really were. Somewhere in the back of his mind made him regret all of this.

He'd have to kill all these people.

So what was the point of getting close?

Soon enough all of there suits came, Savage the only one in white.

"Who do you think Y/n will recieve?" Juniper asked the group.

"I believe a moder. Perhaps Sutur." Ezio explained fixing the flower pin in his hair.

"What is receiving?" Savage asked.

"Hmm?" Fresco asked, "Oh it-"

Mid word Juniper cut in, "It's part of the religion. The 12 gods are believed to comibned to become the earth beneath us. Sutur is just one of the gods, mostly know for being a core due to its controling of everything hot. When you marry one born on this planet goes through a 'receiving' its rare but only twelve can get a god, but you can also get an enity or a passed loved one though that's super rare. They give you there strength within battle."

"But Y/n's much more powerful than a core- which is why she should be getting Hela." Jacob cut in.

"Hela hasnt been someones beck and call since Father." Ezio argued, "and we all know how he ended up. You wish that upon your sister?"

The group went quiet.

"I was given the impression your father was alive." Savage responded.

Fresco sighed, "when he was assigned Hela he descended into madness with each kid born. They think he's in Helheim and will return- He'll be Y/n's receiver."

"I think he's dead dead." Jacob responded, "like he deserves and mother better follow him"

"You can't say that!" Atticus argued.

"Please Attiucs grow up." Juniper spoke.

Savage listened intently, as Fresco looked back at the Zabarack, "We may have a large family, but the heads of the family aren't...the best"

"It sounds like my family." Savage told him as they all started filing out of the room, leaving just him and Fresco in the room alone, "I. Unfortunately grew up without one of my brothers, he was taken away due to his special ablities."

Fresco listened as he poured them both a glass of whiskey, "And my younger brother. I don't remember what happened, or if he's even alive."

Handing Savage the glass they stood by the window.

"Makes you not want to have kids." Fresco questioned, "I know it scares me. Becoming the one thing I hate."

"On Dathomir men are only used for mating and then usually killed off." Savage spoke.

Fresco frowned looking out the window- how was he ment to respond to such information.

"I know my sister will treat you with Kindness." Fresco spoke, "it seems you're already growing on her. I seen you two at the dinner."

Savage felt his chest tighten, he was falling in love with her, and he liked it. He loved the idea of her.

"Guys hurry up or it will be the groom walking down the Isle." Ezio told as he had quickly come back.

The two left with each other side by side. Both enjoying the silence as they walked down the steps. Thats right, He had only been down and up these steps a few times, but those few times were some of the best times of his life.

Stopping outside the castle he looked back, seeing it all shiney as the sun hit it perfectly, looking like something out of a book. The whole walk was like that- there was no reason to take out a whole planet for the sake of Dathomir, Dathomir didn't need another planet- he would of liked them to fix theres first atleast.

"Savage?"

He turned his head seeing Y/n standing there, when was she here? Looking around a bit shaken she stood in her wedding dress- it looked perfect on her, with a full bottom and a lacey top that had the same matching sleeves. When were they at the alter already?

"Are you okay?" She whispered softly, the priest reading off religious text.

"I-" he spoke looking at her what was he suppose to tell her?

Her white dress would be bloodstained within a matter of mintues due to what Mother Talzin was planning?

"I have a headache is all." He responded.

Y/n frowned, "maybe some food afterwords will make you feel better. Caf was even skipped this moring."

"Right." He responded, and left it at that.

"Do you take this man to be your husband? To take of him in sickness and health? To love him without doubt?"

Y/n smiled, "I do."

Her hand gripped onto his in excitement, that small squeeze made him happy, feeling her hand in his.

He had no idea what the woman infront of them said but only said the words as quick as he comprehend.

"I do." He cut the lady off.

Y/n flushed as she looked down flustered.

"Then I do pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride."

Y/n was pulled in quickly, shocking her, but it wasn't unwelcomed, kissing back the large church full of people cheered as they pulled away and as he did He seen Count Dooku sitting next to Mother Miranda. The group of people settling down, calming themselves once more as the woman cleared her throat Savage being gestured over by her brothers who were off to the side as he went over.

"With the coming of age you Y/n will be the caller of one of our twelve gods. You may be choosen for something greater, or passed by as a common folk." She spoke, "are you ready to give yourself to the twelve gods and let them judge you as one!"

"Yes head preist." Y/n spoke as her wrist was grabbed and palmed opened where it was sliced open Y/n gritting her teeth slightly as she was dragged to the floor, only following as her hand was put face down on the alters floor.

The woman moved to the side as the doors behind the alter creaked. Atticus holding onto Savages leg as Savage put a hand on his shoulder telling him he'd be okay.

"By the twelve gods..." Fresco spoke as the door opened a large hand crawling onto the carved in wood.

"I-its Hela..." Ezio asperated as the door swung open heavily crashing into the wall. Which it was hinged to.

The room silent and still as the other swung open.

The figure large, made up of what seemed to be Ash, body exposed and what looked like to be burnt half way just to show her dark innards, she was on all fours as Y/n looked up at her, slowly standing up as it went quiet for a moment.

Y/n reached out her cut hand, Hela reaching out her hand as well as Y/n looked forward keeping her eyes on Hela.

Somewhere some how Helas hand had shrunken along with part of her arm as they were bound by the cut on Y/n's hand.

'They're here-'

A warrior bursted into the doors as Y/n turned her head, "We're being attacked! The ships! They've all been destroyed!-"

The man stopped stabbed through the back, and fell to the floor.

"So sorry to ruin this happy momment."

Y/n growled as her hand was let go, and in place of Hela's hand held a sword, as Ventress walked down the isle.

"Damn are sister really is a bad ass-" Ezio spoke under his breath.

Dooku stood up as well, saber in hand.

"You were foolish to come alone." Y/n argued Hela still behind her looming in all her darkness.

"Who says I'm alone?"

Just as she spoke, a Battalion of night sisters filed into the room from both sides of her.

"Savage." Ventress spoke.

"Yes Mistress."

Almost immediately Fresco who stood besides Savage was lifted up into the air, force choking him as Fresco grabbed at his neck.

"Savage! Stop! Now!" Y/n demanded, "Stop now!"

"Kill him. Now." Ventress demanded.

There was a large crack as the filled church was still in shock, the young man thrown to the floor as his brother immediately surronded him.

"He's dead! He killed Fresco!"

Thats when the chaos started, when one had been pronounced dead.

Y/n could remember, it was all a blur. All the fighting- the blood shed. All she remember was ripping through people with her new found sword, swinging at heads and abdomens, she was luck that her skirt hadn't had a train.

Atticus had ran to her as she fought on the stairs stabbing a nightsister in the face and kicking her back, her white dress covered in dirt and blood, "Y/n!"

"Attiucs! Run away now!" Y/n argued, blocking another weapon, kicking the women in the female Kenobi's

"I'm not gonna leave you!" He shouted.

"Damn it Atticus!" Y/n shouted slicing the woman's flesh and grabbing his hand, "Come on! Lets go!"

Atticus ran hand in hand with her, somehow and some way some of her brothers caught up, they running and escaping to the castle.

"We have to be quiet take off your shoes." Y/n whispered the group hiding behind a wall as they all pulled there shoes off, "You have your run away bags all ready?"

"What?" Magnus asked, his other brother Cornelius, holding his hand, he had lost one of three to Ventress.

"Shit thats right, they never made there's. I'll go with them." Ezio spoke quietly,

Y/n nodded taking a quick head count, they had lost so many already, Fresco, Juniper, and Hamilton.

"I'll take Cornelius and Magnus." Jacob offered.

"I'll take Atticus. Ezio- weapons and maps?"

Ezio nodded, "becareful."

They all nodded, spliting up, Y/n had lucky gotten Attiucs up the stairs and to his room, as he was grabbing his things.

"Y/n." Atticus spoke as she was making sure he had everything for a final time as they carefully walked to her room, once inside she answered him.

"Yes Atticus." She responded going for her own bag.

"Savage...he isnt that mean. I know he isn't." Atticus spoke, "I know we didn't know him long but- he didn't wanna kill Fresco did he?"

Y/n tossed her dress the the floor dressed in trousers now fixing her top.

"Atticus." Y/n spoke kneeling down to him, "I know you liked him. I did too, but I don't even know anymore."

Attiucs frowned, as she held his shoulder's, "Are you going to kill him? Savage?"

Y/n frowned, "I don't know."

#star wars: clone wars #star wars tcw #tcw savage #savage x reader #savage opress #well shit #i killed a lot of people off damn #tcw savage x reader

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smilingnct · 7 years

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First Date With NCT-127 + Ten

Taeil:

Taeil would bring you to his favorite music cafe ordering you a drink. occasionally conversing on small topics here and there , he didn’t ask anything personal. just simple questions like your ambition, what you do in your free time, etc. while sipping on your tea, he suddenly got up and walked towards the live stage. he paused awhile before continuing “ this is for y/n. i really enjoyed today’s date and i hope you do to.” taeil announced as he strummed the guitar and hummed a simple tune. he started the mini performance and you were busy trying not to scream. ( i mean how do you control yourself when taeil’s basically singing to you )

Johnny

Johnny looks like the type to ask you out through a phonecall, maybe even getting his younger members to help because he’s too shy. Although he’s very playful, he’s often shy with his feelings. You could imagine him giggling throughout the phonecall and faint teasing of the other members. He would ask you to meet him at a amusement park and both of you would have the time of your lives. Johnny would bring you on the ferris wheel as the last highlight of the date, right when the cabin is at its highest he would put on a handmade necklace on you and take a chance to give you a small peck on the cheek.

Taeyong:

Taeyong would want something more simple. He would pass you a note during class/work asking you to meet him after at a cafe. Taeyong would just like to have a simple chat over his favorite coffee at his favorite cafe. He would offer to pay for your coffee and pull out your chair just like how a gentleman would ;) he would suggest a walk in the park after and walk you home. Before you would say your goodbyes, he would suddenly pull you in and engulf you in a hug whispering into your ears “can this day not end?”

Yuta:

WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS BIG BALL OF SUNSHINE

Yuta would offer to bring you to watch his favorite soccer team play , instead of you disagreeing you nodded with a big smile while he patted your head. Little did you know, he had other plans of bringing you along to his own private session of soccer training. He would bring you to the neighborhood field without answering any of your questions while you follow him behind like a lost puppy. He would teach you step by step his secret to acing the game although he would be frustrated at some point, he would force himself to continue with your pouts. Yuta would attack you with a bear hug from behind and smear mud all over you, even with that nothing bothered you more than hearing his heartbeat.

Doyoung

Doyoung would bring you to the library knowing your craze for books instead ignoring the fact that libraries were the last place he should be. When you’re browsing through the books, he would keep bringing weird fiction books to the table and handing them to you as if he read books. After his failed attempts of getting your attention, he would grow impatient and start annoying you. With his playful nature, he would snatch the books you were reading and close them to make you focus on him. When he sees that isn’t working, he has no choice but to do the one thing that is forbidden in libraries, “Y/N!!!!”

Ten

Ten would bring you to a planetarium. ( for those that don’t know what a planetarium is, it’s a theatre built for gazing stars. ) While looking up at the projection screen, you blushed as Ten shyly laced his fingers with yours. He nervously looked up to see your reaction but smiled in victory when he found you smiling shyly grasping back lightly. He would sneak in foods for you and ‘ take cover ‘ for you while you’re eating. Even if you got in trouble, Ten wouldn’t hesitate to take the blame.

Jaehyun

Jaehyun would show up in ( above ) a blue hoodie and ripped jeans. talking bout perfect boyfriends. he would bring you to his favorite cafe and practice english with you. While chewing the sandwich, he would initiate small conversations in english constantly reminding you he lived in America for 4 years. after the small cafe date, you stepped out only to realise it was raining. worse, you havent brought your umbrella with you. someone tapped your shoulders as you turned around. your heartbeat quickened after seeing jaehyun with his umbrella held above your head “ i’ll walk you home Y/N “

WinWin

Winwin would be late as he got lost on the way to the restaurant. you rubbed your hands together giving yourself heat. you were angry at the fact you thought that winwin had forgotten about the date. you had to awkwardly decline the waiter that kept asking you to take a sit inside. after 30 minutes , winwin finally showed up with his nose red from the cold. “ i’m really sorry Y/N i didn’t mean to be late. i got lost on the way an-” right at this moment the anger in you faded and you forgived him instantly. “ he-hey it’s alright, i reached not long before you did anyways.” he seemed to not believe me before i flashed a huge smile and that’s when he mirrored my smile.

Mark

Mark would ask you to visit a flea market with him persuading you he had to get a gift for his older brother but didn’t know what to get. GOD KNOWS HOW YOU WOULD EVEN KNOW WHAT MARK’S BROTHER LIKED . but yea you agreed anyways. upon reaching the flea market, he would instantly go wild at the amount of cute socks. he would bring you and visit every store, casually buying socks for the both of you.” i thought you said we were here to get a gift for your brother? “ he would stop replying “uh yeah… sorry i got carried away, we’ll start looking for his present now. “ he scratched his head awkwardly. he was so cute you couldn’t resist and immediately held hands with him. “let’s go there! they sell cute socks.”

Haechan

Haechan would bring you to a dog cafe! while complaining how expensive the drinks are, you would’ve already been busy with the dogs. Haechan turned around to find out you’ve not been listening to him and instead of feeling frustrated he instantly melts at the scene. You were patting the dog and gazing into its eyes as if the dog had some kind of a connection with you. “Y/N! you don’t even look at me like that.” he pouted as you continued patting the dog. you just had to tease him. “Y/N!”

#nct 127 #nct scenarios #firstdate #moon taeil #johnny seo #lee taeyong #nakamoto yuta #doyoung #chittaphon ten #jung jaehyun #winwin #marklee #haechan

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wdfa · 7 years

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coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me!

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed.

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!!

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

#trumpet hate #personal #wow this was..... so much..........#literally no one is gonna read this but it was mostly for me anyways so [shrug emoji]#caps /#negative /#self hate /#transphobia /#cissexism /#menstruation mention //#the experience #ask to tag

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kindabraveandlittlestupid · 5 years

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Everyone needs a good cry. I am not saying I cry often but when I do it’s something worth crying over. I suppose I went through that same masculine numbness that men feel they should put on in their youth. As I got older and realized I could care less what other men think about me I tapped into that emotional depth more willingly exploring sadness and joy, compassion and love with more fervor. Of the things, I do cry about, one is my romantic entanglements (usually at an unwanted end to a relationship) and the second, is a good scene on the silver screen. Today I explore the latter of the two and share some things I cried about in the past because why the fuck not.

**Spoilers Below**

Rome - Titus Pollo Arena Scene

Possibly one of the greatest bromances on screen was that of Titus Pollo and Lucius Vorenus in the show Rome. Legionnaires of Ceasars Army they basically venture through the show as two men who start off as hating each other and slowly become brothers over the seasons. If you haven’t watched this show, I can't recommend this series enough.

The scene that pulled on my emotions comes after Titus had worked as a hired thug/debt collector and killed another man in cold blood for coin. He was eventually sentenced to death by arena combat and stood alone fighting a group of gladiators for his life. Being a veteran soldier and unique luck at avoiding death (which is a theme for Lucius and Titus for the series) he manages to dispatch various gladiators in the arena, all the while crying out “13″ for the Legion he was once apart of.

Meanwhile among the people watching is Lucius Vorenus who was raised up in political status and could not act to help his friend. His eyes burning with tears as he watched on watching the slow death of his friend. By the end of the scene a large gladiator steps out to kill Titus but Lucius is unable to watch any longer and joins his former brother in arms yelling out “13″ to kill the last Gladiator while breaking the law and his status as a newly anointed Senator.

If you do tackle this scene (which is linked above) I suggest watching the show first and develop a depth/understanding for these men relationships to one another. I perhaps blame the music for moving me to tears but its well-executed TV and remains unforgettable in my mind.

Farscape - The Death of Aeryn Sun

Perhaps my favorite scifi show of all time, Farscape. This show was pretty formulaic in regards to late 90′s to early 2000′s television but where this show did well was flexing its creative muscle by building an original universe and investing heavily into puppets instead of CG. Believe me, the work done here is the highest quality and does a better job making those alien puppets feel real then CG can presently muster.

If you watch this show you will find one of the best romantic arcs between two TV characters ever on TV. That is the relationship between the Earth Astronaut John Crichton and Peacekeeper Sebacean Aeryn Sun which was (in my opinion) a best-written love affair in TV history between a badass alien woman with superior genetics/combat training and an earth scientist/pilot who proves himself to be more clever and useful then his alien companions care to admit.

The scene that left my eyes wet was the Season 2 finale where John has a neural prob placed in his head that has both probing/collecting his memories but also introducing a second personality of his enemy that is slowly taking over his mind (this is a scifi show remember). As the second personality emerges it becomes more dominant and takes control of him for periods of time. Crichton losing control too this alien personality betrays his friends and tries to escape. Aeryn refusing to let John escape while possessed by this alien tech chases Crichton over an icy world only to be ambushed by him and driving his landing gear into her cockpit and forcing her to eject from her ship.

While it seems like she might land safely on the ground below she is actually over a lake of ice and Crichton assumes control of his mind again only to watch the woman he loves crash through the ice to submerge into a freezing lake. Crichton eventually lands and surrenders himself to the care of his friends before he hurt someone else and they all say their goodbyes to their dead friend while she lays in a cryogenic coffin to preserve her body.

I won't tell you what happens later as I don't want to spoil the show. It’s great TV that deserves to be watched from beginning to end. Like Rome its worth your time and I promise you its a fandom that is worth having in your wheelhouse of notable science fiction.

Seven Years In Tibet - Returning the Watch

This was supposed to be a cinema post but here I am talking about TV shows and no movies yet! If you know movies (or more importantly books) you would have heard the title Seven Years In Tibet which is a true story about Austrian mountaineer Heinrich Harrer who traveled across the globe to climb Himalayan peak only to have World War 2 start and force him into a prison camp.

In the story, Heinrich escapes is prison and travels across Tibet with his ‘friend’ Peter Aufschnaiter trying not to be captured again and if at all possible work out a way to get back home. It’s a pretty amazing and moving tale in which a man who seeks renown and prestige for himself finds humility and maturity while taking residence in a Holy City next to a young Dalia Lama no less.

The particular scenes that made me emotional in this movie come in a set of two, one establishing the emotional payoff of the other. In the early part of the movie after Heinrich and Peter escaped their POW camp, they use watches to trade for goods and services to help them survive with the native people. Heinrich, still being a selfish individual, convinces Peter to sell a sentimental for some provisions they needed. Only after the trade takes place Peter discovers Heinrich had a dozen stolen watches stashed away which could have also been traded.

After a fair amount of time in the Holy City/Capital of Tibet, Lhasa. The two men grow as Peter falls in love with Tibetan woman and becomes more integrated into the Tibetan society and Heinrich serves as a sort of Western influence for the Dalai Lama sharing with the young spiritual leader his culture. Towards the end of the film, Heinrich and Peter celebrate Christmas (I believe) and Heinrich delivers the watch which he convinced Peter to barter away years before. It’s touching in the sense that while Heinrich was responsible for making Peter trade the watch away, he silently amended his wrongdoing by taking on a great effort to have the watch found in a country with thousands of people. This scene alone isn't so much about the relationship developed between the two men but rather forgiveness, personal growth and sentimental gestures with deep meaning.

Wall-E - Memory Erased

Wouldnt be a proper list without a Pixar movie making the cut somewhere on here. I know some people cried in the movie UP and I admit Inside Out had me at some moments itself but above all else, the movie Wall-E hit me right in the ticker when I watched it. If you don’t know what this movie is, then you should probably get out more because when it came out (like all Pixar movies) it was a big deal.

What makes this particular movie stand out in my mind isn't just the sad moment that pulls on your heart strings (which I will talk about) but also the fact the movie basically gets you to care about a character who has a limited set of words and portrays his emotions through tone and physical movements. Allowing a very physical interpretation of his personality. You have to admit that is a pretty clever animation to make the audience get so invested in a sentient machine.

The scene that really got to me was just at the end of the movie. As I stated above spoilers galore down here but this one sits at the end of the film so if you havent seen Wall-E I suggest stopping now... are you gone? Good only us movie watchers left. The scene, of course, is Wall-E having his memory reset. If you weren't ready for this scene it could fuck you up as I remember watching this in my room and having a few stray tears roll down my cheeks when EVA realized how much affection the little trash bot had for her only to find that he was reset back to factory settings.

Of course, Disney doesn't like movies with bad ends and let a small smark sharked between the two machines be the magical touch that perhaps allowed Wall-E to tap into his long-developed personality and allowed him to remember how into her he actually was. It's a cute movie and deserves its spot on this list along the rest.

The Wrap Up

That's all I care to write for now on this topic. It's basically the 4 biggest tearful moments I can think of. The Red Wedding would have made the list but honestly that filled me with Depression and Anxiety more then it did bring tears to my eyes. I may add more movies to this post later OR I might just make a part 2 post if more movies come to mind that pulled an emotional reaction from me. Thanks for reading. Thanks for letting me share. Now go watch some of these scenes.

Regards, Michael California

#Crying #Man Tears #Cinema #Movies #TV Shows #Showing Emotion

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