#and i couldn't reattach it and i was essentially fucked lol??

[midwestgender]

anyone else have recurring dreams where they perform self-surgery on a healthy organ with the plan of just taking it out for a little while but then you realize you are incapable of putting it back in and theres nothing you can do theresnothingyoucandotheresnothingyoucandotheresnothingyoucando

#they are literally so anxiety inducing and harrowing its horrible #my first ones were about teeth #then i had them about my brain #one of the brain ones i had i chopped it into nicely sliced pieces and then left it alone with the plan of just #taking a break from my brain #and then putting it back in piece by piece #and then i came back and my friends dog was eating it LOL #and then i just had one the other night where i had a mysterious organ in my leg that #was a 'bladder' but it wasn't my bladder it was in my leg #i'm pretty sure my brain based this mysterious organ off of a fish bladder #anyways i took it out and went swimming and held it in the water #and then i got out and i was traversing some combination between my highschool and my old church #trying to find materials to perform self surgery again to put it back in #but i just got into a thought spiral in that one thinking about how i didn't know how to put it back in #and i couldn't reattach it and i was essentially fucked lol?? #and as this is happening my whole high school swim team is meeting in a room and im supposed to be there but #im dealing with bigger things but they all look at me like wow... can't believe she didn't come to the meeting #and after awhile of that i woke up LOL #its crazy im always so grateful it was a dream lol because i get so immersed #and ill be like guess im the stupidest person ever #it reminds me actually a lot of the feeling i got after my suicide attempt which i am not suicidal at all right now so its odd