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gmetzcom · 3 years

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The Three Greatest Lessons I learned in COM 2206

As a college student it is easy to slip into drive. What I mean by that Is that it’s easy to slip into go-mode with the goal of turning something in, not learning or absorbing the actual content. Throughout COM 2206 I have never once found myself guilty of allowing my brain to glid through those cracks. This course clicked with me on a personal level in the manner of subconsciously adapting my ways of communicating and understanding others. While I could name far more than three lessons from this course that will stick with me though life, the greatest are easy to choose. Conflict management styles, verbal communication styles, and expectancy violations. These three lessons have and will aid me through life as we are taught at a Younge age how to string together words to mean something; But are we taught how our words in harmony with the circumstances may take what we said and give it a whole new meaning? Are we taught how to handle the words strewn together by others in a healthy way? Or are we taught how to set boundaries for ourselves in the manner of what is expected from others? The answer is simple. No, not until we take COM 2206, and that is only if we are lucky enough to as it is not a requirement for some students.

Is it truly fair to play dirty? Most people would argue that the answer is no. So, if you wouldn’t find it fair to cheat in a game of cards, why find it fair to cheat when communicating with others? Conflict is inevitable, and because of that we have to learn how to manage conflict in a healthy manner. Or in other words in a fair manner. In chapter 11 of INTERPLAY by Ronald B. Adler, Lawrence B. Rosenfeld, and Russell F. Proctor we find that conflict can be solved in many ways. Some ways are fair, some are not, and others are only kind of fair. It just depends on what side of the conflict you are on. Starting from the bottom at avoidance, we see a lose-lose situation. “Although avoiding important issues can keep the peace temporarily, it typically leads to unsatisfying relationships” (Afifi et al., 2009; Wang et al., 2012). Accommodation is slightly better, but not by much being a lose-win situation. This happens “when we entirely give in to others rather than asserting our own point of view”. While the middle ground is usually the sweet spot, that is not the case when it comes to compromise as it is a lose-win win-lose situation. It “gives both people at least some of what they want, although both sacrifice part of their goals”, and while this isn’t the worst thing to ever happen there is usually a better way (Jandt, 2017). Competition is a “my way or the highway” type of deal, meaning win-lose. It “involves high concern for self and low concern for others”. Last but not least we have the win-win situation, collaboration. Collaboration is the opposite of my way or your way, it is our way with “a high degree of concern for both self and others”.

Now that we have a full understanding of what conflict management styles are and how to use them, I want to explain how I learned them as well as what lesson they have given me. During our third writing assignment in COM 2206 the class was asked to imagine themselves in a given conflict with a friend. In this conflict we were asked to identify the conflict management strategy that the character we were to imagine ourselves as used. We were later asked to identify what conflict management strategy could have been used in the situation to give a better, healthier, and fairer outcome to the conflict. Like I said earlier, conflict is inevitable. Considering this I believe that the conflict management strategies that we use most often have a lot to do with our childhood and what conflicts we encountered and how the counterpart handled the conflict as well. Growing up in an extremely unhealthy toxic household lead me to have unhealthy conflict management strategies that stuck with me into adult hood. However, having been educated on the different conflict management styles and strategies I have become much more aware of the way I handle conflict. I have also started thinking back on conflicts and identifying how I could have handled them in a healthier manner. Because of this I would say this is one of the greatest life lessons I have ever learned.

During our third writing assignment in COM 2206 we were also asked to identify an expectancy violation. This is another great lesson I have learned through this course. However, let us understand what exactly an expectancy violation is before we go into that. An expectancy violation is “an instance when others don’t behave as we assume they should” (Cohen, 2010; Hall et al., 2011). I would argue that a relationship would cease to exist without expectations, but with that being said everybody makes mistakes. While there are more expectancy violations than I can count of both hands some are more common than others. For example, maintaining confidence is a huge expectation in a friendship. If you tell your best friend, you’re pregnant and discuss ways to surprise your husband it is expected that that person will not tell your husband. Another great example is lending a helping hand. This is the expectancy violation that was broken in the writing assignment we discussed earlier. The expectancy concerned my friend and I making plans to move all of my stuff from my old apartment to my new one. The violation happened when she never showed up.

Considering my childhood and the unhealthy environment I grew up in, I think it is safe to assume that I have a hard time expecting things of others. let alone holding them responsible for violating those expectancies. The lesson I learned from expectancy violations is what exactly is “normal” to expect from others. While conflict management styles help me address when these expectancies are violated, it is important to set boundaries in any relationship. By expecting things of others, I am able to no longer allow myself to be for lack of better words a “pushover”.

Verbal communication is one of the most touched on topics throughout COM 2206 so of course it would be appropriate that it taught me a lesson that will stick with me through my days. Starting off with verbal communication, I truly took in what exactly this meant for the first time in week 7 of this course. During our two cents discussion we were asked to tell of a time that somebody else’s actions lead to a negative consequence for the writer. We were then asked to create an “I” statement in response to the persons actions. The example that I provided was when I experienced my first winter and was on the way to clean the snow off of my car in order to go to a job interview. My partner stopped me in my tracks and offered to do it for me while I finished getting ready which I could not have been more thankful for. When I walked out the door to leave for my interview, I found that she had forgotten the commitment that she made, and I was out of luck. The "I" statement that I could have used to discuss this issue with my partner would have been " I did not appreciate you telling me you would clean off the driveway only to find you did not do it the following morning, it caused me to be late to my interview and leave a bad first impression.". In the breakdown of my "I " statement "I did not appreciate" Shows my feeling, "you telling me you would clean off the driveway only to find you did not do it the following morning" Shows the behavior I observed, and "caused me to be late to my interview and leave a bad first impression" is the possible consequence. Verbal communication also entails “you” and “we” statements that are fit for specific scenarios just as “I” statements are.

Through life I have struggled with causing miscommunications. Especially in the workplace, as I am known for promoting up into management rolls incredibly fast. The lesson verbal communication has taught me revolves around how to speak to others. By knowing what words to use in situations to convey certain messages is crucial for somebody in the work field. If somebody said this to me, I would say “well duh”, but I would never have been able to logically explain what is appropriate for what situations. Now, with verbal communications skills I am able to place responsibility on myself when needed, on others when appropriate, and on a team as a whole.

The three lessons COM 2206 has taught me will help me succeed happily through life as those questions I asked at the beginning of this paper are no longer questions. Like I said, we are taught at a Younge age how to string together words to mean something and later in life COM 2206 teaches us the rest. It teaches us how our words in different scenarios can mean something entirely different. It teaches us how to handle the words others say to us healthily. And it teaches us how to set boundaries for ourselves so that we know what is expected from others. This is taught through Conflict management styles, verbal communication styles, and expectancy violations.

Work Citations:

Adler, Ronald B, et.al. Interplay. The Process of Interpersonal Communication.Oxford NY. 2018.

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