#and getting a great big pile of nothing in return 🤷🏽😮‍💨

[torifoolery]

I do somehow still enjoy writing and sharing fanfiction and as much as I hate posting on a*3 it really is the only place to garner a decent amount of engagement, but honestly trying to get anything beyond hits and the occasional kudo—especially as someone who specifically writes Black/nonwhite ocs—is such a goddamn nightmare and so so so deeply discouraging, I really don't know if I'm gonna be able to muster the motivation to even bother for much longer

#but then also its like #im just a poor motherfucker with a shitty job and depression and as much as i would truly love to focus exclusively on original work #i simply do not have the time or energy to devote myself to it #in the way that i would like #so like just plonking away at my silly little fics here and there when i can is often the only and best thing i can do #to keep my skills sharp and my self sane #so like what am i even supposed to do here? #at least if i just write this shit and keep it to myself i dont have to deal with the disappointment of sharing it #and getting a great big pile of nothing in return 🤷🏽😮‍💨 #anyway. #personal #im not like. digging for compliments or whatever this has just been weighing on me for a long time now #idk if this is helping me draw any conclusions or anything but at least it feels good to get it off my chest here for a minute