#and detached instead of clingy and obsesive

[gorefetishizer]

.

#ill be all day all week all month hoping someone notices that im feeling like shit but whenever it happens i cant. not hide #really you would have to torture me to get me to admit anything #its just #it feels so dumb #to say i feel lonely or tired or overwhelmed #and recognizing anything else than those surface level descriptors its. way too scary #i joke about being at my limit #but i dont. i didnt do this things before. i didnt think this kind of things #i wish it was all just sad and not scary #i wish frustration made me sad and not angry #and detached instead of clingy and obsesive #like before #it was better when i was a child and it could be pityful without being pathetic #i really am. in my head. like this horrible caracter. but i cant even feel like its real cuz my actions could never follow it #and i wish it was a good thing but it isnt. i feel like one day ill just explode and ill end up hurting people not out of my own unawerenes #but in purpose #only to feel in control #and ive done it never noticeable that im aware of it always looking like im just stressed and not thinking but i know #im extremly aware of everything that i do #i wish i wasnt #i wish at least i didnt know that im ruining things #vent