#and despite each being very vivid in my mind in its own way I couldn't summarize them in a single sentence to save my life

[romioneficfest]

Until the Very End

Title: Until the Very End

Prompt/Day: Shell Cottage, Day 9

Tumblr name: 

Rating: T

Brief summary: Hermione and Ron find solace with each other in the days following Malfoy Manor.

Any possible triggering/warning tags: Depiction of nightmares, post trauma

Word count: 1,401

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"No, take me instead. Please, take me. Not him."

"Hermione…"

"Not him, please. No!"

"Hermione, wake up!"

Her eyes snap open, and she's covered in a cold sweat. At first, she's frantic from the hauntingly inexorable vision of Bellatrix and the bright green flames shooting from the tip of her wand straight into Ron's chest.

As Hermione's mind orients herself back to her own heart-pounding reality, she finds that she has momentarily forgotten where she is in her waking life.

Ron is there, holding onto her clammy hand, and he's clearly shaken by the disturbing sight of her struggling to return to actuality.

He’s alive. He’s okay.

Hermione's eyes flicker around the room, a wave of relief flooding through her as she realizes they're alone. It looks to be just before dawn, and the room is dark with a tint of light peeking in through the windows.

Her mind returns to the grotesque image of Bellatrix's dark, heavy-lidded eyes. The woman is truly demented — Hermione can still hear her cackling laughter in her head, and a sickening feeling bubbles in her stomach knowing that the monstrous witch has the ability to make her paranoid that the horror is still there, despite being safely tucked away at Shell Cottage.

Ron at the center of her nightmare is even more frightening for Hermione than what actually occurred at Malfoy Manor. It's a recurring dream on a perpetual loop that is just as dreadfully vivid and terrifying as the night before. Until now, she’s considered the pain awful but manageable, and she hasn’t felt the need to confront her demons.

Although Ron's stroking her hair in silence, waiting with admirable patience for her to speak, she doesn't want to admit to him that she's afraid for each day to end, knowing that she has to return back to sleep.

"Ron?"

He doesn't answer, only tightens his grip around her arms.

"You're here, you're here." She repeats her verbal mantra into the cotton of his shirt, more for herself than Ron, as a way to confirm that he is real and he is alive and he is okay.

"Don't be scared," he whispers words of encouragement in her ear. "I'm right here."

Tears well up into her eyes as she buries her face into the crook of his neck. She takes three steady breaths before lifting her head. Hermione can see the worry behind his eyes. "I didn't wake anyone else up, did I?"

Ron clears his throat and nods his head towards the door. "No. I, uh, placed a silencing charm on the door. Just in case…"

Hermione winces to herself. Ron’s been with her every night since they arrived at Shell Cottage, and she only just puts together that he’s probably charmed the door for every single one of those nights.

"Have you been sleeping on the chair?"

"Yeah,” he responds with a sheepish smile on his face. “My neck is all sorts of stiff but I couldn't…" His grin is gone just as fast, revealing the shadows behind his eyes. "I couldn't sleep without knowing where you were, or if you were safe."

Hermione’s heart swells up, and she doesn’t think it’s possible to...she shakes her head, forcing back those words she’s kept hidden in her heart. He’s so protective, and wonderful, and the nagging voice inside her head tries to make her believe that she doesn’t deserve him.

"Hermione...your nightmare.” Ron is looking down at their joined hands, and she watches his finger draw circles around each of her knuckles. “You said ‘take me instead. Not him.’ Can I ask...who was him?"

Although she wants to discuss every sinister and chaotic dream she’s had just about as much as she wants to show him the ghastly scar now branding her arm, she can’t leave him thinking that it was someone else.

"It was you, Ron.” His eyes meet hers with a fierce intensity, and she can see the confusion morphing into comprehension. Hermione draws in another shaky breath. “Bellatrix. She had a knife to your throat and—"

Hermione can’t bring herself to continue, instead finding herself reduced to soft, broken sobs as Ron pulls her close again.

"Shhh, it's okay. It was just a nightmare. I'm here. She doesn't have me. I'm here."

All at once, Hermione is overwhelmed with the realization that while she is now under protection, there was a time just a few days ago that she wasn’t, and there were others who had to cope with that fear.

"But it was real for you, wasn't it? When she had me."

Ron lifts up Hermione’s chin, meeting her gaze with a vulnerability that she has never seen from him before. He takes a moment to study her face, and he trails the pad of his thumb down her cheek before tracing the outline of her lips. The action takes her breath away, and she has zero doubt now that what he feels for her goes beyond the barrier of friendship.

When he speaks, his voice is hoarse, reminding her of how she heard him screaming her name from the cellar. "There are no words to describe — I've never felt so helpless, and scared, and enraged all at the same time. I know we're in the middle of a bloody war, and we're all fighting to stay alive. The probability of one of us having to use the killing curse…" His voice trails off, and Hermione can see the large lump in his throat that he tries to swallow it down.

"I've never imagined myself being someone who could kill.” He spits out the word with all of its vile intention. “But, Hermione. In that moment, seeing Bellatrix with a blade against your neck...” He pauses to place his finger against his throat then slowly clenches his fist together, like he’s reducing the blade to the same consistency as floo powder. Ron grits his teeth, and snarls out, “I wanted to kill her."

The arrhythmic beating in her chest speeds up, and Hermione’s eyes go blurry from the wetness pooling within them. Ron’s fingers travel down her arm, raising the small hairs on her skin along their path. He intertwines their hands together once more before speaking again.  

"I just remember thinking, ‘this can't be it.’ This can't be — there's so much I want…” Ron lets out a frustrated breath. “I need to say to you."

A whimper escapes Hermione’s mouth, and she can see the rose-pink light of dawn filtering through the drapes, clearing away any remaining darkness. "You've just said it all."

"What?” Ron’s eyebrows knit together, looking puzzled by the way the smile creeps up her cheeks like the rising sun.

"You've told me everything, Ron. Without even having to say it. You've told me in the way you fought for me at Malfoy Manor. You've told me in the way that you've sat by my bedside every night since then. The way you've taken care of me, and the way you're looking at me now...I know."

The outpouring of love she has for the ginger-haired man next to her takes over, and without hesitation he’s crushing her to his chest, burying his wet face deep into her curls.

"Hermione.” Ron says her name like he never has before, and memories of their first meeting on the train to Hogwarts run through her mind, followed by a series of flashes of moments together over the years. It’s always been him, and now she sees that she’s always been it for him, too.

He’s crying now, and Hermione holds him in her unyielding arms as he rasps, "I will never leave you again."

She knows what he is referring to and she wants him to know that it’s okay — that whatever hardships they’ve faced in the past are now just faint bumps on a winding path to each other. What matters most is this moment right now, and she wouldn’t trade this moment for all the spell books in the world. "We're in this together. Until the very end, whenever that may be.”

Their foreheads meet, and Hermione finds comfort in the patch of freckles on Ron’s nose. They share a moment of stillness and peaceful solitude. The only sound is that of their synchronized breaths.

“Until the very end, and beyond that.”

#hpfic #romione ficfest 2021 #romione #ron weasley #hermione granger #Rated T #cw: #cw: trauma #Ace Safe #Queue up for the Dragon