#and chikdren are just so happy and free that I’m sure I would bawl my eyes out because I don’t want to see something so happy

[devil-changmin]

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#honestly it’s so weird to see people talk about their kids because like I get that I do not understand what it’s like to look at your #own baby and I never will get that but I can’t imagine not breaking down looking at something I loved so much #and knowing that the sadness I’ve always felt will one day be theirs #just because I’m their mom #because sadness is so much a part of me and I know they wouldn’t be able to escape it because I can see it in my dad too and it was in his #mom and his sister and I am carrying that in my genes #and chikdren are just so happy and free that I’m sure I would bawl my eyes out because I don’t want to see something so happy #learn to feel the way that’s so familiar to me #so Everytime I see the people I work with posting their babies and being like you’re my whole world I’m so lucky to have you #I’m like doesn’t that make you sad? isn’t it going to break you all over again to watch your kid become broken? #and if I had a daughter…dear god I couldn’t do that #maybe that’s why I always thought I’d have a son #because I think having a daughter would destroy me