#and because there's hardly an content in the Tom Paris tag

[pilots-and-protons]

I know folks talk a lot of shit about Tom never telling B'Elanna he loves her (and rightfully so - hey writers what the hell?). But I’m also fully committed to the idea that Tom simply prefers to show his love rather than say it.

Lots of Thoughts under the cut because where else am I supposed to ramble about my Tom Paris feelings except the tumblr void?

So first of all, it’s pretty easy to imagine Tom’s father wasn’t someone to regularly say that he loves his son, considering what we see of Tom's reaction to hearing his father saying that he's proud of him. There’s also the whole “crying is a sign of weakness” that Tom references from his father in Threshold (yes, Threshold), which doesn’t lend itself to the most touchy-feely household I’d imagine. Hell in the same episode, even Tom says that everyone expected “great things” from him, which certainly implies that not only was he constantly smothered in expectations, but those expectations (and therefore disappointments when he messed up), were explicitly linked to his actions, his achievements (or lack thereof). Not hard to imagine that Tom would star to equate actions to having a lot more meaning than words - and why he could often be pretty flippant with what he’d say, especially early on.

Secondly, there's also the fact that words tend to play into a lot of Tom's deflection and obfuscation of his feelings.

The first thing Tom does is save Harry from being swindled by Quark - but when he knows Harry’s heard the gory details about his past, he tells Harry to stay away from him for his own good. He's known for talking a lot, and often has many silly or witty retorts with no real substance other than they’re meant for a laugh (such as joking that they could set up a bicycle and pedal their way home). He uses indirect and sometimes teasing ways to tell B'Elanna he's interested, such as asking how she's doing with Freddy Bristow (before inviting her to go sailing - something action-based with a more direct intention), and joking that the Insurrection Alpha program should include a steamy romance between the chief conn officer and chief engineer. 

And just look at the dialogue from Blood Fever - B’Elanna’s the one to say “you can’t tell me you’re not interested in me” with Tom’s response being: “You’re right, I can’t”. Not a direct admission, not actually using his words to directly tell her that he cares about her - his actions do that, his refusal to give into her advances because he knows her judgment is impaired. The closest we get to Tom really admitting just what it is he feels about B’Elanna is after she’s been trying to convince him to give in, insisting she’s seen the way he looks at her and she knows exactly why he keeps inviting her to dinner and the holodeck. Tom even briefly buckles and gives into kissing her back, but eventually pushes B’Elanna away, saying "I hope someday you'll say that to me and mean it".

He doesn't say "I love you" in that moment, but between B'Elanna's monologue and Tom's comment, it's very obviously implied that he is in love with her - that it’s not just about sex, he really cares about her and what she thinks of him.

And Tom’s actions-over-words attitude isn’t just aimed at B’Elanna. Even when you look at early episodes, Tom talks a big talk like he’s some rogue loner - but after hanging out with Harry for all of five minutes, he then spends most of the pilot episode personally trying to make sure that Harry’s ok. His relationship with Chakotay is rocky at best, with insults thrown around from both sides, but he goes back to save Chakotay in the Ocampa tunnels anyways. In Time and Again, Tom takes a bullet to protect a kid and decks the guy who hit Janeway. Even alternate-reality Tom Paris in Non Sequitor argues with Harry and talks some real shit, but then shows up to help him anyways and literally gives his life to get Harry back where he belongs, with virtually no proof Harry is even telling the truth.

So to me, Tom’s actions are far more indicative of who he really is than his words. He lets his personal piece of home, his Chez Sandrine’s program be open for the whole crew to enjoy and then does the same with Fair Haven (both programs he made himself and likely took a lot of his personal free time). He spends two weeks eating food he usually complains about to give Kes a very thoughtful birthday gift in Twisted, even though he was fully aware that any feelings he’d started having for her would not be returned. He always invites Harry to join him in his numerous holoprograms, and in The Chute a lot of his time and energy is spent distracting and calming Harry down with discussions of food and home. He risks his life, and his relationships with the crew, by spending weeks under Janeway’s orders acting out undercover to try and find Seska’s mole. Even with no memory of his real life in Workforce, it’s Tom’s actions that speak loudest. Sure he flirts with his customers - but when he realizes B’Elanna is alone and vulnerable, he takes time out of his own schedule to find other couples with babies on the way because he knows she could use some friends. He also offers to walk her home and helps protect Seven and the others when they need to hide from the authorities.

So no, Tom doesn’t say “I love you” to B’Elanna - because those words wouldn’t hold enough real weight for him. He shows her he loves her by keeping her warm and alert in Displaced, rubbing her hands and blowing on her frozen fingers. He shows her he loves her by giving her space and giving her a way out of her oxygen deprived love confession after Day of Honor, with light jokes to mask the underlying message. He shows her he loves her by trying to get her to join in the Klingon martial arts program with him (to share in her heritage, to assure her he’s not afraid or disgusted by that side of her even if she hides from it). He reassures her that he loves her by physically bringing her into his grease monkey holoprogram when he realizes he’d been pushing her away. He shows that he loves her by doing everything in his power to stop her from changing their daughter’s DNA to remove the Klingon parts. And of course, when their “talking” gets confusing and passive aggressive and they’re not really getting anywhere in Drive, he shows B’Elanna he loves her by bringing the Delta Flyer to a dead stop (in the middle of a race he was ecstatic about) so they can have a real conversation. And then he proposes to her.

Actions, actions, actions.

Basically what I’m saying is, Tom’s love languages are acts of service and gift giving and quality time, and anyone who disagrees can meet me in the nearest Denny’s parking lot for fisticuffs. 

So uhhhh.... thanks for coming to my TedTalk I guess

#tom paris #b'elanna torres #p/t #star trek #voy #st: voy #I just have a lot of FEELINGS ok? #listen I'm just never going to shut up about Tom Paris #that's what this whole damn side blog is FOR #because I don't have friends to talk to about Voyager #and because there's hardly an content in the Tom Paris tag #SOMEONE has to add to it #might as well be ME

[inloveandwords]

This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story).

It works like this

Go to your goodreads to-read shelf.

Order on ascending date added.

Take the first 5 (or 10 (or even more!) if you’re feeling adventurous) books

Read the synopsis of the books

Decide: keep it or should it go?

    The Complete Poetry and Prose by William Blake, David V. Erdman (editor)

Since its first publication in 1965, this edition has been widely hailed as the best available text of Blake’s poetry and prose. Now revised, it includes up-to-date work on variants, chronology of the poems, and critical commentary by Harold Bloom. An “Approved Edition” of the Center for Scholarly Editions of the Modern Language Association.

Date added to TBR: September 2, 2010 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: I went through a William Blake obsession in high school after I read Red Dragon and while, if I saw this book on sale I’d probably buy it, I wouldn’t go out of my way to read it therefore it doesn’t belong on my TBR.

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, Craig Raine

Humbert Humbert – scholar, aesthete and romantic – has fallen completely and utterly in love with Lolita Haze, his landlady’s gum-snapping, silky skinned twelve-year-old daughter. Reluctantly agreeing to marry Mrs Haze just to be close to Lolita, Humbert suffers greatly in the pursuit of romance; but when Lo herself starts looking for attention elsewhere, he will carry her off on a desperate cross-country misadventure, all in the name of Love. Hilarious, flamboyant, heart-breaking and full of ingenious word play, Lolita is an immaculate, unforgettable masterpiece of obsession, delusion and lust.

Date added to TBR: September 2, 2010 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: Honestly? I just don’t think I could stomach actually reading this.

Books That Changed the World by Robert B. Downs

From the Bible, the Iliad, and the Republic to Civil Disobedience, Das Kapital, and Silent Spring, this revised and greatly expanded edition is a monument to the power of the printed word-an informative discussion of many of the most important works ever created.

Date added to TBR: September 2, 2010 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: While this sounds interesting… I don’t think I’d want to read an entire book. Especially one that is likely dated. I think I’d rather skim a blog post with this list LOL!

Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins

Still Life with Woodpecker is a sort of a love story that takes place inside a pack of Camel cigarettes. It reveals the purpose of the moon, explains the difference between criminals and outlaws, examines the conflict between social activism and romantic individualism, and paints a portrait of contemporary society that includes powerful Arabs, exiled royalty, and pregnant cheerleaders. It also deals with the problem of redheads.

Date added to TBR: September 2, 2010 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: I have no idea why I added this to my TBR in the first place…

Immanuel’s Veins (Books of History Chronicles) by Ted Dekker

This story is for everyone–but not everyone is for this story.

It is a dangerous tale of times past. A love story full of deep seduction. A story of terrible longing and bold sacrifice.

Then as now, evil begins its courtship cloaked in light. And the heart embraces what it should flee. Forgetting it once had a truer lover.

With a kiss, evil will ravage body, soul, and mind. Yet there remains hope, because the heart knows no bounds.

Love will prove greater than lust. Sacrifice will overcome seduction. And blood will flow.

Because the battle for the heart is always violently opposed. For those desperate to drink deep from this fountain of life, enter.

But remember, not everyone is for this story.

Date added to TBR: September 15, 2010 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: Dear Bree from 2010… WTF?

  The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

It is 1939. Nazi Germany. The country is holding its breath. Death has never been busier, and will be busier still.

By her brother’s graveside, Liesel’s life is changed when she picks up a single object, partially hidden in the snow. It is The Gravedigger’s Handbook, left behind there by accident, and it is her first act of book thievery. So begins a love affair with books and words, as Liesel, with the help of her accordian-playing foster father, learns to read. Soon she is stealing books from Nazi book-burnings, the mayor’s wife’s library, wherever there are books to be found.

But these are dangerous times. When Liesel’s foster family hides a Jew in their basement, Liesel’s world is both opened up, and closed down.

In superbly crafted writing that burns with intensity, award-winning author Markus Zusak has given us one of the most enduring stories of our time.

Date added to TBR: June 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: I actually DNF’ed this book many years ago, but not because I didn’t appreciate it. I actually loved how it was written and remember tagging almost every other page, but I kept choosing other books instead of finishing it until eventually I put it down for good.

Insight Meditation: A Step-by-step Course on How to Meditate by Sharon Salzberg

Insight Meditation box set includes: • 240-page Insight Meditation workbook (wire-o binding)—This workbook is designed as a complete self-guided curriculum. Organized into nine lessons, the workbook features more than 75 step-by-step mindfulness exercises, question-and-answer sections, glossaries, and photographs illustrating correct meditation postures.

• 2 CDs (70 minutes each)—Six meditations teach the cornerstone practices in the Insight tradition.

• Insight study cards (12 cards)—Daily reminders of the fundamentals of meditation in a convenient, portable form.

Workbook Contents Lesson One: The Power of Mindfulness Lesson Two: Bare Attention Lesson Three: Desire and Aversion Lesson Four: Sleepiness, Restlessness, and Doubt Lesson Five: Concepts and Reality Lesson Six: Suffering Lesson Seven: Karma Lesson Eight: Equanimity Lesson Nine: Lovingkindness Last Words Appendix A: Meditation Supplies Appendix B: The Five Hindrances Appendix C: The Three Great Myths Appendix D: The Three Kinds of Suffering Appendix E: The Four Brahma-Viharas Appendix F: The Six Realms of Existence Appendix G: The Eight Vicissitudes

CD Contents Each CD features three guided meditations that will help you explore the direct experience of meditation. The meditations are set up to simulate as closely as possible the ambience of an actual practice session at a retreat center like the Insight Meditation Society. Meditations include: 1. Breath Meditation 2. Walking Meditation 3. Meditation on Body Sensations 4. Meditation on Hindrances 5. Meditation on Emotions 6. Metta Meditation

Excerpt Welcome to Insight Meditation. The compact discs and workbook will take you step by step through a comprehensive training course in basic meditation. The cards included in the box list various helpful teachings that are explored throughout this workbook. This course is rooted in the Buddhist style of vipassana, or insight meditation, but these fundamental techniques for sharpening your awareness and releasing painful mental habits are useful no matter what your religious or spiritual orientation. It’s not necessary to affiliate with any belief system in order to benefit from Insight Meditation. These mindfulness practices can support your existing spiritual path, whether it’s a structured practice like Christianity or Judaism, or simply a personal sense of your relationship with the great questions of human existence. What to Expect: Insight Meditation comprises two compact discs, a workbook, and a set of informational cards. The workbook contains: –Information on meditation resources –Suggestions for setting up a meditation space and a daily practice –Buddhist teachings about meditation and life –Q & A sessions that clarify practical new issues new meditators tend to encounter –Exercises to help you deepen your understanding and experience of meditation (and space to respond to them) –Tips for taking your meditataive awareness into the world and for troubleshooting problem areas in your practice — Glossaries of Pali, Sanskrit, and other terms — A list of books and tapes you can use to further your study of meditation.

Date added to TBR: June 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: My friend and I started a meditation group back in 2011 and this was what we kind of based our meetings on… we followed the meditations in this book, so I got through some of this book, but when our group fizzled out, I never really went back to it and I don’t see myself doing so. That is not to say this isn’t a wonderful book for beginners, because it truly is. I highly recommend this box set to anyone who is interested in meditation, but it just doesn’t belong on my TBR.

Helen of Troy by Margaret George

A lush, seductive novel of the legendary beauty whose face launched a thousand ships

Daughter of a god, wife of a king, prize of antiquity’s bloodiest war, Helen of Troy has inspired artists for millennia. Now, Margaret George, the highly acclaimed bestselling historical novelist, has turned her intelligent, perceptive eye to the myth that is Helen of Troy.

Margaret George breathes new life into the great Homeric tale by having Helen narrate her own story. Through her eyes and in her voice, we experience the young Helen’s discovery of her divine origin and her terrifying beauty. While hardly more than a girl, Helen married the remote Spartan king Menelaus and bore him a daughter. By the age of twenty, the world’s most beautiful woman was resigned to a passionless marriage until she encountered the handsome Trojan prince Paris. And once the lovers flee to Troy, war, murder, and tragedy become inevitable. In Helen of Troy, Margaret George has captured a timeless legend in a mesmerizing tale of a woman whose life was destined to create strife and destroy civilizations.

Date added to TBR: June 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: This beauty of a book is currently sitting on my bookshelf and has been since 2011 and there it shall remain. I do really want to read this book because I effing hate Helen of Troy and Paris with a fiery passion. I think they’re both despicably selfish and stupid and I’d love to read this book and see their side of the story.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is the best chronicle of drug-soaked, addle-brained, rollicking good times ever committed to the printed page. It is also the tale of a long weekend road trip that has gone down in the annals of American pop culture as one of the strangest journeys ever undertaken.

Date added to TBR: June 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: TBH I read most of this book and saw most of the movie, but I don’t see myself picking it up again.

Vampires: The Greatest Stories by Martin H. Greenberg

Contents • 1 • Introduction (Vampires: The Greatest Stories) • essay by Martin H. Greenberg • 3 • The Bat Is My Brother • (1944) • shortstory by Robert Bloch • 23 • In Darkness, Angels • (1983) • novelette by Eric Van Lustbader • 53 • Dayblood • (1985) • shortstory by Roger Zelazny • 59 • The Man Who Loved the Vampire Lady • (1988) • novelette by Brian Stableford • 81 • The Cookie Lady • (1953) • shortstory by Philip K. Dick • 91 • The Miracle Mile • (1991) • novelette by Robert R. McCammon • 111 • Something Had to Be Done • (1975) • shortstory by David Drake • 117 • Valentine from a Vampire • (1988) • novelette by Ed Gorman [as by Daniel Ransom ] • 151 • Mama Gone • (1991) • shortstory by Jane Yolen • 157 • Beyond Any Measure • (1982) • novella by Karl Edward Wagner • 207 • Red as Blood • (1979) • shortstory by Tanith Lee • 219 • No Such Thing as a Vampire • (1959) • shortstory by Richard Matheson • 229 • The Vampire of Mallworld • [Mallworld] • (1981) • novelette by S. P. Somtow [as by Somtow Sucharitkul ] • 253 • Child of an Ancient City • (1988) • novelette by Tad Williams

Date added to TBR: June 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: #vampirephase #thanksTwilight

      Here are the stats

You guys… I’ve added so many books to my TBR the past few months because I’ve been watching more BookTube channels and I made a few Book Outlet and library bookstore purchases, so my count has grown exponentially!

Starting Total TBR Count: 1760 Previous Total TBR Count: 1762 Total Marked TBR ASAP: 138 Updated Total TBR Count: 1849 Total Ditched Today: 9 Total Kept Today: 1

Bye-Bye Books: Decluttering my TBR January 2019 This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story…

#TBR