#and attempting to smother the imposter syndrome with a pillow

[thebibliosphere]

Sometimes people tag me in ask games, not as a participant but as an answer to "whose your favorite author?" and I get to see my name listed next to people like Neil Gaiman, Jane Austen, Terry, Pratchett, Tamora Pierce, Douglas Addams, Diana Wynne Jones, and I just have to lie down and breathe for a minute because I am so mean to myself when I'm writing.

I get so angry and frustrated that my ADHD means I've been writing the same chapter for a month. My physical health means I got nothing done for an entire year except survive, and I always feel behind and struggle to even care about what I'm doing some days.

It punches the wind right out of my self-loathing in a way countless hours of therapy a week can only aspire to. Seeing someone state with exclamation marks and firm resolve: That One. I want that one. This one is my favorite.

Like, what the fuck do you mean I'm someone's favorite author? I mean, thank you, but are you sure??

#thank you for the tag #but I will be lying down for a minute #and attempting to smother the imposter syndrome with a pillow #it feels like being held up by the scruff of my neck like a scrungly kitten and compared next to a panther