#and I'm just. a nuisance always lmao. can't get rid of me.

[vincent-sinclair-deserved-better]

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#I'm so chronically online + have the date posts where made on and notifs for loads of ppl that I notice when someone's been around less #or not at all #and considering that i usually still reblog tons of stuff even when i personally feel I'm barely one plus being in a different timezone #yo many of my moots they probably don't really see my posting stuff live anyway #so i wonder if anyone even notices a difference #or if anyone would notice if i was away for a few days #like when i used to visit grandma or during that event in august #/neg #negative #negativity #just really barrelling down the 'no one would notice if i disappeared' trail #while also feeling annoying. and like I'm doing depression wrong cause like everyone I know isolates themselves or doesnt have energy for #social interactions and social media so they don't respond to chats and kinda disappear #and I'm just. a nuisance always lmao. can't get rid of me. #UNLESS i repeatedly witness someone brushing me off cause no energy but then regularly interact/chat with other people #cause im a jealous bitch lol #something something don't put more energy into relationships than the other person #and then it turns out if i don't make the effort and am proactive there'll be barely any talking at all #even when ive known someone longer #idk if its something about me or i just miss the stage where you become best friends or what #but yeah im disposable lmao #the one no one notices is missing and is always forgotten #maybe ive spent too much of my life trying to be invisible that its now just become some intrinsic part of my being #im just nothing special