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8/26/17, 4:31pm - Some Kinda Closure

gonna actually try to write this time.

So I had no patients for tuesday, but my boss let me work during the day to cover the hours. What that meant is that I worked 18 hours straight on a day where I told my buddy Jwilli that he could stay at my place and that I’d want to take him out for karaoke. Couldn’t manage to take a nap and proceeded to have the longest fucking day of my life. Bustered out in bracket and got bummed out, went to hang out with Angie and convinced her to come out to karaoke with us. Smoked on the back patio of the bar with these randos (I fucking love greensboro sometimes), told a bunch of stupid jokes and bounced to this bar closer to my house with Josh, the queen I met last time. Turns out him and angie already knew each other. So I’m meeting a bunch of his friends (couldn’t possibly tell you any of their names now), get in this big hissyfit argument with this girl friend of his who said she was pansexual, and when I described myself as biflexible she said that it was disgusting and that I just wanted to get laid when I was drunk. All I could say was pretty much, yeah, i mean who doesn’t want to get laid when they’re drunk. Plus I don’t wanna tease gays by saying I’m really bi that’s not fair lol. She tried to convince me that since I felt some attraction to men sometimes that you might as well call it bi and I was like “well that’s silly that’s like everyone should just be pansexual then.” Idk the conversation didn’t end up with us fighting so that’s good. Luckily drunk me has that trollish charm that people can just slide anger off of lmfao. After we popped by Josh’s a sec we were gonna go to another party but Jack and Angie were tired, so I took them home and had some great drunk sex. That was the last I’d see of Angie. After this trip she ended up breaking things off a few days ago.

But things with her were a little wonky, yknow? Like she wasn’t too confident in her appearance and was always confused that I’d flirt and say things like “i’m not someone to lust after.” I guess she was kinda right, I wasn’t overly excited about her appearance as much as her personality, but it’s a shame. I had encouraged her to pick up this second job that was more like what she wanted to do with her life, she got it no problem, but got doubly busy so I’m assuming she just became too adulty and didn’t really have time for me. Or whatever it doesn’t really matter, it’s nice having someone break things off and not feel bad about it.

Between her telling me I’m sexy as fuck and all these gay guys hitting on me all the time I’m pretty confident in how I look again lol. Not overly confident, I still wanna cut all this silly gold hair off now and maybe tone up a bit but not enough that I actually care to do anything about it lmaooo.

So anyway, that weekend was the annual delta sig reunion. Really happy that my boss switched my shifts so that I could go. It was probably the best thing that could’ve happened to me. Getting to bro out with everyone and share music with Nic and talk about Kailey stuff with Tato and Dakota and drunkenly bro with everyone up on the rooftop was amazing. We got fucking plastered playing drinking games, it was incredible. Got some great pics, but ofc I don’t share my pics with anybody lol.

The catch with the alumni weekend though was that Kailey was coming to spend the day with Jacober on day 2. So at first I was the tiniest bit salty. She shows up at the pool party and acts like I don’t exist at first, of course. And she looks as incredible as ever. So I pour myself into drinking, play the pokemon drinking board game with everyone, catch up with everyone. Hung out in the sauna cooking myself and drinking it was excellent lmao. We ended up talking a bit and I found out she’s got a great new job lined up making twice as much money as me right out of college and is doing well, so that’s good.

The best way to describe our relationship now is that we’re strangers who happen to know each other very well. I like that description a lot.

There was this great moment where I’m like drunkenly sulking by the poolside and this fat chick that one of the younger brothers had brought walks up to me. She says “did you mean to dye your hair that color?” I say “yeah, I wanted it like yellowish gold.” and she just says “well it’d look better if you’d dye it lighter.” and I just say “well you’d look better if you lost some fucking weight.” bahahahaha. She got that it was just a rib and playfully kicked at me, but I was at That level of not giving a fuck from the whole ordeal. Took a great group pic and I laid around sunning in my supreme hat and Griff told me that “I looked like a rapper.” I think that means he thinks i’m cool, i took it as high praise lmao.

So we leave the lake house and I’m heading home with tato and dakota, Conner asks “where are jacober and kailey?” and I like mutter “well I don’t give a shit.” and he laughed and just says “hah I caught that.” So Dakota and Tato are like trying to get my feelings out of me because all I’ve said about anything is that and when tato had asked if I was gonna be ok with kailey being there I loudly and overexcitedly (intentionally in order to express my sarcasm) Oh yeah it’s fucking great. It’s hard to describe. I’m like feeling great and having a good time with everyone, but fading in and out of this state of like salty disdain with everything. And tato can clearly pick up on this, so he’s trying to cheer me up by talking to the uber driver.

The uber driver tells us about how he’s ubering to make some extra money to take care of his kids since a divorce, but that now he’s in this wonderful relationship with this girl that he loves. So tato’s like “see? Things get better.” So he starts asking about more details and like this guy’s story is nutty. His first wife leaves him, he starts dating this girl from high school who has a few daughters and after like a year of dating and living together one day she up and leaves and takes all of his shit and maxxes out a bunch of credit cards in his name. And even though they weren’t married the court rules in her favor that he has to pay for all of it. So that’s why he’s really ubering on the side. And the girl he loves works night shift and he works day shift AND they’re long distance so they don’t get to see OR talk to each other much. So i just come out of the uber shaking my head and joking like “damn, with a life like that when do you just like call it quits?” Like suicide isn’t funny i guess, but god damnnnn hahahahah.

So the three of us bro out in the dorm rooms we’re staying at, and I open up a little bit about feeling inadequate and about that time of my life being over and whatnot. And tato was just like “yeah well she was too young for you anyway.” So I hrmphed that, but I knew what he meant, because the split really was because that time of my life was just ending. So it led to this realization that a lot of my depression and feelings for kailey were all just tied up in this post-college doldrum nostalgia. Good to finally realize that that’s normal. College is cool, adulthood sucks, it’s nothing to sit and cry about. So that was part 1 of moving on.

We proceed to get drunk and high on the rooftop again that night. I’m flirting with this girl grace, we’re all hanging out topless (girls have bras on) playing this game piccolo and drinking. Kailey and Jacober and a few people are still hanging around. Her and Jacober kiss and I call out gayyyyyyyy and she gets all defensive saying how yeah it IS gay because she’s really happy. All I could think was that I’m glad she’s happy, but you’ve missed the joke lmao. Shrugged off that response. So later people are starting to drift off, and Kailey and I finally got a few words with her one on one while we smoked a joint together, but we didn’t really say much. She told me she didn’t like my hair either but I didn’t really give a fuck. She talked about how much she hated when people got in the way of her getting high and I thought about that girl I just broke things off with and how they really did sound exactly the same. Then have one of the best one on one talks with Jacober that I’ve ever had. We talked about our dads and life a little bit. I really fucking love that guy he’s so damn nice lmao. He goes to grab something for Kailey and like skips away and me and Kailey say at the same time “what a cuuuutey.” Then she looked at me almost frustrated like I was making fun of her until she saw that I was being genuine? Idk I was a little drunk and high who knows how reliable a narrator I really am, but this is how I remember it.

Then I’m hanging out with gus and his friend singing out frank ocean jams, until his friend starts crying about how his friend died. I say whoooo ok i’ve gotta go and tag along with jacober and kailey as we leave the roof. Don’t really remember talking about anything of importance, just said goodbye when we got to our rooms and said to have a good night. Like I said, strangers who know each other really well. But like all of it, her just being salty and negative reminded me that I was better off. So part 2 of moving on.

In the morning Dakota Tato Jack and I went to bojangles and joked about a bunch of shit before peaceing out. Really was a fucking great weekend.

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