#also the casual fatphobia this friend shows in front of me or other friends is disheartening

[steelthroat]

You know when people on the internet say that you have to be careful about the way you talk even when putting yourself down because you could put someone else down and stuff?

I finally get it it makes sense.

I have this friend, they have many issues, and incredibly low self esteem. But they're conventionally attractive, smoothest skin one could possibly have, skinny, nice hair and many other features that are generally complimented.

And I know that this doesn't stop someone from hating themselves and their body, I am incredibly aware of this.

But also if this person comes to me and says "omg my skin is absolutely horrible, I hate it look I have a pimple" or "I am so big I hate my body" or "my hair sucks, it's so messy" than how do you expect me to feel?

My skin is not smooth nor clear, far from it, I am slightly heavier than my friend, my hair is messy and curly and kind of unkept to be honest. How do you expect me to believe this friend when they hug me and say "you're so beautiful, and pretty and I love you"?

"No, you don't think that"

Obviously I don't believe them. I don't believe they find me beautiful, the things they hate so much about themselves, that they described as disgusting... well I also have them.

I hate the fact that they openly insult themselves like that desperately seeking for me or anyone else to say "no it's not true you're beautiful". And I understand it okay? I understand their issues and their need for validation and stuff. I've been through that when I was 12, it sucks.

And it's ironic that they say "I just don't believe when people give ne compliments" okay, neither do I believe when YOU give me compliments lol. Because I can believe anyone else, but not you.

I believe I can be pretty to myself or any other person in this world, but not for you.

Because I don't hate myself anymore, I've spent years fighting myself and now that I've finally started liking myself and my body and I finally know what I aspire to be it won't be something like this to set me back. I don't have the same goals as them, I don't feel the need to change the things they hate so much about themselves because I don't care about them on myself anymore. But God, would this shit have thrown 11/12 years old me in one hell of a loop.

I just don't believe this friend is being genuine, I just really dislike the fact that they don't see any problem in scraping the bottom of the barrel fishing desperately for compliments while putting others down even if unknowingly.

Sometimes I don't even think they're doing it unknowingly, I think they feel miserable and hope that just a bit of that feeling will spill onto someone else, just not to feel so lonely in their misery.

And I pity that.

I genuinely care for this friend and won't stop being there for them or giving them compliments for that matter, at least one of us has to be genuine, I just wish it could be them for once. I just wish they didn't compare myself to me and made me feel weary of being a little bit too happy about my own accomplishments. Because no matter how much they say "I'm so happy for you! I'm so proud of you" I can feel almost pure hatred behind those words, even if it's for just a second.

#steel rambles #also the casual fatphobia this friend shows in front of me or other friends is disheartening #other tahn that today has been a good day #the weather is nice and maybe I'll either write/draw for a bit or get out and walk for a bit #no wait actually #how long has it been since I've just taken a walk outside alone??? #years?? #oh my god. #what has school done to me????? #this is unacceptable I need to touch grass

[oganneb]

I've been thinking recently about how I'm old (for certain values of old; definitely old compared to most people on this site) and mostly comfortable with myself and my body. For the most part, I'm very "fuck you if you don't like my body, stop looking at it then."

(putting the rest under a read more since it discusses my sex life and fatphobia and body issues and I'm sure not everyone wants to read that...also it's longish)

But I'm still not comfortable being naked in front of someone I'm sleeping with. I've been with my current partner (friends with benefits style) for a few months now, and I still get shy and terribly self-conscious while undressing in front of him. Even though we met doing historical reenactment, during which we spend a lot of time doing very physical activity (fighting with weapons/shields), so for much of the time I've been around him, I've been in leggings and a tshirt and sweaty and red-faced and basically looking my worst. Not exactly clothing or movement that hides what your body looks like.

So he definitely had an idea of how my body looked for the four years we knew each other and were friends before he came onto me. So whyyyyy am I still so shy about showing him my unclothed body? Why do I still have the urge to undress as quickly as possible and dive under the covers? Why do I still have to fight the impulse while I'm on top to lean over him and try to block his view of my belly instead of sitting up straight? He very clearly loves my body, so why do I still feel like that?

Will there ever be a time in my life when I don't reflexively feel ashamed of my body? I'm trying to combat it in this specific situation by forcing myself to stand nude in front of him, regardless of how uncomfortable I'm feeling, and walk to the bathroom or to the other room for whatever reason without covering myself.

I've been trying to combat my reflexive body shame in the wider sense for so long. Little by little getting more comfortable wearing clothing that's not two sizes too big for me in an attempt to hide my body. Trying to get more comfortable moving and existing in public without apologizing for taking up space (I am six feet tall and weigh over two hundred pounds, it is impossible for me *not* to take up space). I joined a queer radical fat acceptance book club with some people I'd been kind of casual facebook friends with for some time, and they've all been amazing.

And sometimes things start feeling really great, and I feel like I'm moving with more confidence and loving myself more. And then I go to the doctor for something completely unrelated and they mention they're concerned about my weight. Or someone I know makes a sly dig at someone else for being fat. And I slide back a bit. I'm still further than I was when I started, but I often feel like this is just a never-ending slog.

#CN: discussion of body shame

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

That’s All | Norman Osborn

Pairing: Norman Osborn x Plus Size Reader, platonic!Harry Osborn x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 1k

Request: where y/n is friends with Harry and Peter, and y/n and Norman are having an affair. Norman talks to Harry about this girl he’s been seeing but doesn’t say it’s y/n, and Harry is just happy that there’s someone out there that makes his dad happy. But Norman doesn’t know that y/n knows Peter and Harry and so one day he introduces his girlfriend to them and they’re all like “uhhh WHAT??? This is the girl you’ve been talking about for months?????”

Warnings: age gap, very light mentions of abuse, veeeeeery light mentions of fatphobia, kissing, open ending.

A/N: the only thing I changed from the request is the part where Norman doesn’t know the reader knows Peter and Harry. It felt more in character for him to not care.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

You feared to exasperate him with your sighs and shifting, yet you couldn’t stop yourself from smoothing your skirt. It wasn’t as good of an idea now that the moment was about to arrive.

Norman took your hand before you could fiddle with the skirt of your dress or rotate your wrist where that friendship bracelet Harry, Peter, and you had designed hung from, lifting your hand toward his mouth to leave a kiss on your knuckles. “Ease up, darling.”

It was easy for him to say it when he didn’t care about Harry, but you did. You cared so deeply about Harry that you had been doubtful of accepting to attend what Norman very casually called family dinner.

It was far from that. Peter and Harry arrived a little late due to traffic, they had started apologizing when they saw you standing there next to Norman.

Peter bobbed his mouth, desperate to find something worth saying. Words seemed to fall short.

Harry, in sharp contrast, exploded, “really, Norman? My best friend?! The person I’ve told you multiple times means the most to me?!”

“Harry,” both Peter and you placed a hand on Harry’s chest to calm him down.

Harry clenched his jaw, shaking his head profusely. “I can’t believe this!”

He stared directly at you, tilting his head to drily instruct you, “follow me.” Harry made you follow him toward the back garden.

You stood uncomfortably under the gas lamp near the shed, looking up at the sky in useless hopes that it would open and something would save you from the confrontation by abducting you.

Harry was trying to calm himself down, doing his best to not react harshly towards you. He couldn’t, he cared too much about you. And he cared about his dad, he shouldn’t due to how shitty Norman treated him but he had been so happy that his dad was finally open to being in love, Harry had thought things would get better between them now that Norman seemed happy — it seemed like he had been wrong.

“He’s older than you,” he broke the silence. “He could literally be your dad!” He spat saliva as he spoke, too mad to hide it. “How many times have we not seen situations where older men take advantage of young women?”

He wasn’t wrong. Far from it. You had many times defended women in said situations, but the attention Norman gave you was amazing. No one your age cared about you in a romantic sense, they weren’t as mean as they had when you were a teenager but they couldn’t compare to Norman who had been a gentleman from the start and that was something you didn’t want to lose.

“Your dad treats me right,” you assured your best friend.

“Good for you, I can’t say the same.”

“Harry...” fuck, you felt bad for doing this to him. You had told Norman it was better to keep it secret, it wasn’t better than this but it wasn’t so damaging to your social life nor your mental health. “What do you want me to say?”

“At least tell me why! What the hell can my dad have that other guy can’t?”

“He’s interested.”

Harry huffed, scratching the back of his head and messing up his hair in the process. “That’s all?”

Why wouldn’t it be enough? Interest and attraction are crucial in a romantic relationship. “He makes time for me, and treats me right, and I’m com—“ you couldn’t say you were comfortable, not only because you weren’t entirely but because it would hurt your best friend.

Harry opened his arms. “C’mere.”

You didn’t have to be told twice. Harry’s hugs were your favorite, he always made sure to rub your back and curl up around you. They felt like an older brother’s embrace, a reminder that everything would be okay because you were safe.

The need to cry was getting stronger, Harry’s tenderness didn’t make it any better. You tried to keep it all in which ultimately made you shake in his arms.

He shushed you softly, “it’s okay, (N/N), I just want what’s best for you. I don’t want him to hurt you, but if he’s truly what makes you happy, I’ll accept it. Don’t cry, please don’t cry.”

You hugged him back with as much love as you could show in an embrace, letting his comforting words wash over you.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Norman wasn’t pleased when you told him you needed to get home but he still drove you there. You had never seen him displeased, and you didn’t want to try your luck and make him angry when you knew how he could get, but you also needed space.

Space to think, be with your friends, run errands with your mom, apply for a job... you had spiraled into him, everything in your life for the past five months had been Norman Osborn — you needed to have a better perspective, for your own sake.

You had feelings for him, sure, but allowing him to get in the way of your relationship with Harry whom was your best friend and anchor would mean giving him too much power. And ending your relationship with him because of Harry would mean giving Harry the idea that he could interfere in every single one of your acquaintanceships.

As usual, Norman parked a block away from your house to say goodbye comfortably. He turned the engine off, undoing his seatbelt in order to move freely.

He cupped your cheek, leaning in to kiss you. He found your kiss too unenthusiastic, you had shortened it in comparison to the other goodbye kisses you had shared.

“Harold knows you make me happy,” he informed you, an attempt of assuring you everything would be okay at the end.

Nodding against his palm, you swallowed the lump in your throat. “I just need a little time, Norman. Maybe a couple of days by myself... I have homework to do, and I want to spend quality time with my mom.”

He set his jaw. Norman didn’t like it when you changed plans, he was too busy for rescheduling so often. He gave in, however, and as you opened the door to leave the car, he told you, “just don’t choose my son as Emily did.”

You realized, unlocking the front door of your house, that Norman’s last sentence was everything you should’ve needed to make up your mind. You just hoped it was the right decision.

#norman osborn x reader #norman osborn x plus size reader #plus size fanfiction #norman osborn #green goblin #marvel x reader #marvel x plus size reader