#also sidenote: star is gonna be ... mia for a while (probably for like a day bc i love her and have some things planned

[playerstarlight]

velia announcement is dropped.

[ kael to izabel ] iz iz iz, did u hear??? bout vla? [ izabel to kael ] what’s a vla?

the first time she even heard the game was from her younger brother. starlight’s scene has always been more on the horror side if she’s playing video games -- which really wasn’t often. her younger brothers, especially kael, were always more into video games. usually the kind didn’t matter but he a fascination with a world outside of the real one. something izabel never exactly understood but there were times when she felt the passion that the eight year old boy exhibited for some dumb game amusing, even enduring. especially as he talked about becoming the best player -- better than betas. really, it was his own fault izabel hatched the plan to play the game to be one step ahead of him in skills and levels. too bad that would never really happen. 

one month before velia is released.  

[ kael to izabel ] izzzzzzzzzy. dads still syin no [ kael to izabel ] thugh u culd tlk to him? [ izabel to kael ] it’s a video game kael not the end of the world [ kael to izabel ] buuuuut izzzzzz [ izabel to kael ] cant u wait ur birthday is coming up rght? dad might get it then [ kael to izabel ] thas two far it wnt be fun thn !!! [ izabel to kael ] *too [ izabel to kael ] three weeks is not far moron & if its not gonna be fun in three weeks why get it ?? [ kael to izabel ] thets not he poit

this is a conversation she would end up having with him nearly everyday until may. he was not about to give up on this one video game -- something she really didn’t understand. but little did he know, she was already talking to their dad, setting this entire thing up as some kind of early birthday gift with of course, the unknown knowledge that she was going to be there to ensure that the game was actually appropriate for eight year old -- nearly nine -- to play. she has this entire plan on getting on before he does, working on the skills and just being a far better player than he will be -- all to get under his skin as revenge for the constant messages about this game. which meant she had to get her own copy and headset for this game. a pain really -- and a regret later down the road.

velia release date.

[ kael to izabel ] ha ! i new u wuld talk too dad! [ izabel to kael ] *to [ izabel to kael ] and i have no idea what you are referencing

throughout the day her phone was buzzing with messages from her brother, her parents, the family group chat. everyone had something to say about this velia game, and her kid brother was just so damn excited to get it. her stepmom spent that day letting izabel know the exact moment they were going to reveal the gift to the kid, even sending her a video of him opening the gift. while her dad swore he wasn’t going to let her brother get on until after lunch which gave her some time to set up the trap, or at least set up her own game and get going on building whatever skills or shit the thing even had. fuck, how does one even play things like that? izabel has always been one for horror games, never tried it in a virtual reality world. she wasn’t too focused on the time, wasn’t paying any mind that it was after lunch, after the point where she should be meeting up with him -- wherever that was supposed to be but she told her parents that she’ll find a way. that’s what izabel did, figured shit out.

not anymore.

at first, the players around her just thought it was a bug. the logout button will quickly return. sure there are people out there going crazy over how it’s not there! somebody's getting fired. but those jokes were quickly left aside as panic set in when they were all gathered at this town square. when his voice came on to inform that that this was the real game -- getting out, surviving velia. death was apart of it and you either lived to see the real world again or die. there was no way out but up the floors, clearly them all one by one, working together. funny how all of that turned out now.

the town square filled with every single player meant that there were far too many players to push through the crowd and find one little eight year old kid. her panic wasn’t about the logout button, it wasn’t about the prospect of dying inside a video game -- it was about kael. she was suppose to be looking out for him -- making sure he was going to do fine in this game, teasing him with her level. she was suppose to look so cool with skills higher than his own. but how could she do that if he wasn’t there? if she can’t find him? how will she know he’s safe, away from any harm? god damn it, she needs to find him, to make sure that he’ll survive this. he’s eight years old for fuck’s sake. this game was a mistake. helping her brother get it was a mistake. she has to fix this -- it’s her job as an older sister. her responsibility.

and yet everywhere she looked, he wasn’t there.

present day.

leaving behind luna? a mistake. but one she would make it again if it meant that joining unity would help her find her brother through those orphanages that house so many kids and just be able to be around them who may even know her brother and where he could be. the only sacrifice she would have to make is losing her friend? so be it. it was a sacrifice she had to make. no matter how hard that actually was, no matter how much she wished she could fix things. perhaps starlight could have done something different, perhaps she should have asked luna to join her -- but she wasn’t thinking. no, she was only thinking about herself. selfish, she knows, and so does luna now.

everything that luna says about her is always right. the other had the natural ability to look past her bullshit and see who she really is -- selfish, cruel. everything that her guild doesn’t stand for and yet that’s exactly who she is. unity was far too good, too kind, too caring. the members in the guild were far better people than she ever could be, that she ever was. just because her cursor is green doesn’t mean she’s without flaws.

every moment she spends inside the guild was just another moment to add to her feeling like a fraud inside her own skin. and with her younger brother not being anywhere in sight, this was getting draining. the game, the players, the floors. everything. she hasn’t felt normal since -- well, since seeing abby again. but even that was short lived. normal wasn’t something she knew anymore.

and here she was nowhere closer to finding her brother. all of this was for nothing. pushing away all those she gave a damn about and for what? nothing. absolutely zip. there were the comments here and there, rumors that turned up to be false, players who had the same appearance as her brother for the most part but in the end, weren’t him. was he even still out there or was she just looking for a ghost?  

damn, it’s been a while since she felt like this -- this hopelessness. the empty pit in her stomach she feels every time she swallows, the dread she gets every time she wakes -- if she does end up sleeping that night. the burning desire to just -- keep going. not stopping for a second. pushing herself until there is nothing else she can do. nothing left inside of her. but maybe she was already at the latter point. last time she had felt this way where it was overwhelming was when she was with ben -- before they had rebuilt their lesson for the twentith time at least. he seemed to always be there when she really needed him and well, now -- she was thinking selfishly again. if she could turn messages off, she would have done so by now. but instead, she let it sit there. let the messages build up. once again, pushing him away. just like she did with anyone that ever grown too close. distance was much better. distance allowed people not to care. and she cannot keep caring. all caring does is hurt and that’s one pain she’s tired of constantly having. 

it’s been three years. three years of this bullshit. three years of being stuck in a game and what does she have to show it? she was meant to find her brother on the launch day just to mess with him -- joining the game to make fun of him only to be here with him, no where to be found. every other player is accounted for, online or not. she would have found him by now. maybe everyone is right. maybe he was dead.

and every time that thought even starts to come up, she forces it back down -- but not this time. this time is different. this time, she believes it. after all, thanatos never has given her a reason not to trust them. things that they have heard, rumors they passed along -- they were right for the most part, those rumors just never lead to her brother standing in front of her. but rather to someone else, another boy lost and forgotten. and now, she’s questioning that a rumor will never hold an ounce of truth. 

because this wasn’t a rumor. no one can fake this. written in the library -- it was plain and simple. an obituary pops up and the familiar name, one that she had once spent long hours to help him learn to write each individual letter. a name she’s said in many different tones, with the occasion full name annoyance. a name written in block letters above a door in some house in ohio. or maybe it’s not anymore.

after all. he’s been dead for three years. 

this was exactly why she never bothered to come to the library and use the database. she was always afraid of finding exactly this. afraid that searching his name in the library, this would be what comes up. afraid to know that the last years of searching, avoiding, pushing everyone and everything to the side just so the chance to find him was all for nothing. afraid to learn that everything that happened was her fault. she wasn’t there. 

and now that’s exactly what she learned.

this information just leaves her -- empty. enraged. tired. this game does nothing but take and take and take. she can’t remember the last conversation that she had with him -- one that wasn’t over the phone. can’t remember his voice. is that what just happens? you forgot those little things you thought you could never forget -- things you thought you wouldn’t care enough to miss? 

the day she went to the library -- she just left without a single word. without any further communication towards -- anyone, including ben. including those in her guild. though the latter wasn’t exactly odd for her but she always checked in. how long can she go without speaking to anyone? two days? five? maybe that random player -- goldengurlz -- would be the last one she speaks to before she runs out. runs out of arrows. runs out of healing potions. doesn’t matter which one happens first. was her new little mission now was to just use whatever she must up in her inventory and throw herself into a fight that there was no positive outcome for her? probably. maybe. it’s not like she was thinking straight anymore.

but what she was currently thinking about was creating the most damage she could before going out in flames. use everything that she must before a strike made her turn into dust like she’s seen so many others become. if she really wanted to do some damage to this damn game before she’s out of arrows, out of bullshiting her way through the days, it seemed to her that this was the best, and only, way out now. after all, 

it’s not like she has anything left to live for.

#veliasad #—°. ♛ ⁞ development. #death tw #death mention tw #depression tw #// veliasad is just bc i thought it was funny #also sidenote: star is gonna be ... mia for a while (probably for like a day bc i love her and have some things planned #BUT #i hope you all cried #and have a good friday #ps. i queue this for midnight my time friday so if its not friday for u #then #sux to sux #jokes i love u #unless ur dani #i made this icon especially for today #that is all