#also i know ppt meme has a lot on marriage plot but i dont feel like it anymore :sob:

[furymint]

2022 Creator Reflection

1. ppt meme

the thing im happiest with this year, tbh! i put a lot of work and care into each slide—and i think it shows. at the same time, this thing i made to help my writing be more accessible just became something that required a commitment to read from its length. i hope anyone that read it found it worthwhile! i love rereading it myself.

2. free

jillian’s prophecy attacked again. new florence + the machine song, new bri edit. my motivation to create things has been really low so i tried to limit myself to only devoting an hr or so to this simple edit. i think its cute

3. goal of the century

it doesnt look like i did a lot to this edit, but i added a lot of lighting to it. it was nice editing a picture of lselle and it reminded me a bit of how fun it was to have something i wanted to badly in the game as the seagull minion

4. the loneliest

this one took a few days to complete. i listened to maneskin a lot in the car this year to keep my spirits up, so its ironic that this is the only song i made something for. i used a lot of bad pics to make it so it was a greater struggle than it couldve been, but im still happy w the way it came out even if it didnt linger in my head afterwards

5. will it snow? [nsfw]

it took me a very long time to write this and, altho its not remotely close to my usual vibe, i think its well done. mostly i think it was a v good exercise for all that never made it into the final product. i wrote three different carriage scenes to find the heart of whole piece. 

❌ impulsivity > fury > humiliation > resolve

(hoare’s outside, nol jumps out w no plan but to confront him, realizes how stupid he is when hoare a) insults him or b) escapes him, and he determines that he can do nothing until the recital in the evening)

❌ impulsivity > rationale > protectiveness > calm

(hoare’s outside, nol jumps out w no plan but to confront him, realizes how stupid he is before he moves away, so he gets back in the carriage, still mad with adrenaline, embarrassment, and the #masculine impulse of protection all manifested in possessiveness, then a gradual lowering of hackles)

✔️ ostracism > fear > rationale > calm

(looping back to the fake community at the beginning, a return to his fear of societal expectations & his lack of a community where he can be himself, the value of secrecy, the joy of secrecy)

i always loved the original carriage scene and im glad i got to actually finish it. i didnt get to do armistice day this year and i also didnt finish may other things, but at least i have this.

i have to confront more and more often that my drive to engage w ffxiv is almost depleted, and its a really really lonely feeling. i dont know what ill do in the new year about it. i know ill continue my literature work/research and keep drafting my outline for a complete transition of nol and eli into wwi austria-hungary. i want to write more!

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021

#i also literally dont know why my file #became so crunchy #for the snow edit #i cut out the dude w the hat at work #and i guess the file saved badly #anyway highly rec scrivener #also i know ppt meme has a lot on marriage plot but i dont feel like it anymore :sob: #brianna babbles #bri edits